Are the 'contacts' children make at private school really worth the expense of sending them there?

I know an Actuary. He was brilliant at Maths, he went to a comprehensive and got his job through his own merits.

I think that being a private school parent can extend your network of contacts, and there is an awful lot of referrals etc done via school events. But not something I would have expected anyone to pay for, and I expect it mainly arises as we would otherwise have to make small talk about the school.

I suspect that the contacts issue does depend more of how schools etc work their alumni. I know a peer at college who is a partner in an actuarial firm and always recruits at least one person from the same college each year. Don't know whether that is considered a niche area or not. But I do agree that the emphasis on diversity in multinationals has had quite an impact of some sectors.

it is total rubbish.
And my DH is in the city and hires people to work for him - Their school would matter not one jot.

I was astounded when I heard this put forward a few years ago by someone as a reason for sending to a particular private school. It is utter rubbish IMO.

I would rather like to bump into people I went to school with ... private, yes, but very recently ex-voluntary aided, and big, and rather sort of modest. They do not tend to bray in wine bars.

Actually I remember (something that wouldn't happen nowadays) the teacher going round the class getting people to say what their parents did ... it went "Advocate. Civil servant. Teacher. Civil servant. Businessman. Civil servant. Lecturer. Civil servant. Civil servant." Not sure anyone got any sort of leg-up there.

I must have fallen back into the idiom of the era, Frogs. I was reliving those heady nights in the bars of Battersea as I typed.

Rosaluxembourg, lol, I've been known to duck into doorways to avoid people from school!

I went to a private school and nobody has ever pulled one tiny little string for me!

Rosa -- gopping! There's a word. Haven't heard that since c. 1988.

DH was at a fairly well-known public school. When I met him, he used to regularly dodge people he recognised from school in the pubs and clubs of South-West London. He would literally slide down in his seat sometimes to avoid being spotted by a braying Sloane wearing a gopping wool scarf.
So no, I wouldn't say it has helped his career at all.

Do you really think women don't 'network'? I've always thought this is one of women's major strengths - they are great communicators and always know someone who knows someone. Maybe not to ring up and ask for a job but for lots of every day useful things.

Look at mumsnet with its array of experts and people who can help each other out.

The difference perhaps is that women don't see it as networking.

Or maybe it's just me. A friend of mine used to say when we went out I knew everyone. Even now people often comment that they've spoken to someone who knows me/knows of me. But I'm just an ordinary mum who doesn't do anything particularly interesting, outstanding or influential (even though I went to a private school for five years). I do get involved in all sorts of things though, spend lots of time talking to people and getting to know them and love introducing people to each other and seeing them get on.

Anchovy on Thu 05-Jun-08 13:23:28
"My DH was at school with Hugh Grant. Ponders how this has helped his career. Draws blank."

Anchovy, that's really funny: my dh was in the same class as Hugh Grant. Apparently, he spoke 9 words in a school play where Hughie had the lead. They have not led him to fame and fortune .

Oh, and I see Riven has also failed to cash in.

It's a small world

IME of private school, the contacts theory does not apply.

P.S. Found out recently that attending DS1's school gives you automatic membership to some ghastly snobby 'gentleman's club' once you have left school. When this came to light DS2 who does not attend the same school said "At my school you probably get automatic membership of the Spearmint Rhino Club !". Hes only 13, I think he'll go further than his brother !

I think the person who posted that networking doesn't come naturally to women is right. I would never phone up a school friend I hadn't seen for years to ask a favour. However, DH is an ardent believer in networking and has used it over the years for various purposes, including getting rooms in hotels on the cheap. He always says its not what you know but who you know.

Connections may not get you a job (and shouldn't anyway) but they can definitely open doors. If a prospective boss has whittled down interviewees to two and you went to his old school - who do you think gets the job.

BTW when DH1 started in City (he wasn't educated in UK) if you wore brown shoes with your suit you were told in no uncertain terms that these were for the weekend in the country and not the office!

TBH I think this is complete nonsense promulgated (Enid do I mean promulgated) by people who never set foot in one.

It made no difference to me and I am sure it will make no difference to my DCs

Jobs are won on merit - the idea that an old school tie helps is just so dated

I went to a very famous public school - boys but takes girls in sixth form
I'm not sure the "contacts" I made there have helped me apart from being able to say "I was at school with blah blah" which just makes me sound like a twat.

But, as some have said, there were kids there with famous parents or whose parents had very interesting jobs. Seeing them helped me open my eyes to a world out there which I realised I, too could infiltrate. Coming from a bog standardish school where you weren't encouraged to do anything unusual or exciting it made a massive difference. I was encouraged to embark on a really interesting career. I think if I hadn't gone there I would have played it safe and not got nearly so much satisfaction from my job. Of course then I had kids and that was the end of that. Bloody women, why bother educating them, eh?

DH won't wear his Old Boys' tie as it's too recognisable - he wears his Colours one instead and keeps the buffers guessing...

Oh - can I do an old school tie story? My dh went to a school not yet mentioned here I think but, you know, major, where they had not whole-School ties but House ones.

Those who went to dh's school are quite notoriously boffiny & unsociable & anti-networky - like anti-charged magnets, they run away from, rather than rally round, each other. So basically dh has just about never knowingly met a schoolmate.

We met an ancient man socially - dh peered at the tie & with shock recognised it. "Yes," boomed the ancient man, understanding the shock. "I've kept it. It's GOOD FOR FUNERALS."

i guess it depends what kind of job they think their children want
certainly seems to help if you want to be a tory mp
will not be sending dd to private school btw...

according to guardian most of the leading journalists went to private school too here