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Agonising over secondary school choice

35 replies

Curlewwoohoo · 20/10/2025 11:38

Just after some outside perspectives. We live in a market town with only one comprehensive. School 1. Most kids go here, they all cycle/walk. The only other option is a 30/40 min bus to a very small school in a village. School 2. DD wants school 2! DH and I are worried about the social impact of that decision.

Some details...

School 1 c3yrs ago joined a large MAT, got a new head, and has improved from RI to Good. Unfortunately we had a bad viewing, saw 1 group kids skipping class and got sworn at by another. We know there are a minority of kids who behave badly and concerned they could have a disproportionate impact if you're in contact with them. The kids are taught in form groups and not in sets. But we also know there are a majority of decent kids and actually it should be a fairly academic intake as many locals failed the 11+. 240/yr, 1108 at the school. We have plenty of friends in this situation and they'd all go to school together.

School 2 is very small, 528. 120/yr. No sixth form. Its in a 2 school MAT with an excellent school. Arguably it has better SEND provision although school 1 is improving in this regard. There is more pupil mixing between classes and across the school.

Results and other stats wise they are similar.

DD is dyslexic. She can find friendship groups slightly tricky. She loves school. I think she prefers school 2 because it's smaller, less intimidating looking around aged 10, there aren't the sixth formers who seem big and grown up, we didn't see the behavioural issues of school 1 but not naive to this. DH and I are concerned she might miss out on local friends, all walking to school together, able to go to clubs. If the schools were near each other we'd pick 2.

OP posts:
BreakingBroken · 20/10/2025 12:48

I’m a school two fan, bigger is not better. A happy child will learn better.
No reason to not maintain the current friendships.
Yes, she needs to try the commute to see if it’s okay.

MumChp · 20/10/2025 12:44

Curlewwoohoo · 20/10/2025 12:41

Perhaps the thread title should have been, what do you do when your child wants one school over another but you're not convinced it's worth it?

You decide as parents if you think it's worth to go with the second choice or not.

Curlewwoohoo · 20/10/2025 12:44

clary · 20/10/2025 11:59

Yes agree with others, what is the actual 8am commute? 30 mins total, or 10 min walk, 40 mins on bus, 10 min walk. That’s an hour and a real pain.

I went to school in a rural area with a long commute, as did DH, and we really wanted to avoid that for our DC. It’s not good for friendships.

Also - would you get a place at the smaller school?

What about GCSE options? Are they limited bc of size of school (tech, drama, music, how many MFL, triple science)?

Are there clubs - sports teams, band? Or is she not interested?

Will she not miss her local friends?

What about sixth form - she would have to move - where to? How would that feel?

The smaller school has 2 mfl and 2 science. The bigger school has 1 mfl and 3 science. Dds not into languages or science especially. She likes humanities. The 6th form in the local school is not doing very well. DD currently says she wants to go to local rural college after school. Yes she likes clubs, it is a consideration for sure. She isn't swayed by friendships and can be quite singular about what she wants and thinks.

OP posts:
Curlewwoohoo · 20/10/2025 12:41

Perhaps the thread title should have been, what do you do when your child wants one school over another but you're not convinced it's worth it?

OP posts:
clary · 20/10/2025 11:59

Yes agree with others, what is the actual 8am commute? 30 mins total, or 10 min walk, 40 mins on bus, 10 min walk. That’s an hour and a real pain.

I went to school in a rural area with a long commute, as did DH, and we really wanted to avoid that for our DC. It’s not good for friendships.

Also - would you get a place at the smaller school?

What about GCSE options? Are they limited bc of size of school (tech, drama, music, how many MFL, triple science)?

Are there clubs - sports teams, band? Or is she not interested?

Will she not miss her local friends?

What about sixth form - she would have to move - where to? How would that feel?

Curlewwoohoo · 20/10/2025 11:44

theresnolimits · 20/10/2025 11:43

I’d also be keener on School 1. Being able to walk and a closer friendship group made a massive difference to my kids.

Could you try a second visit? It might seem a bit less scary now you know the geography? Ask someone to speak to your daughter about her concerns?

We've been twice and know the school well through holiday clubs and sports. DD has also been to a settling in day.

OP posts:
Curlewwoohoo · 20/10/2025 11:44

TheNightingalesStarling · 20/10/2025 11:43

Have you got time in half term to have a trial school run to School 2? (Including get out the house at half 7 etc).

Could do that next week!

OP posts:
theresnolimits · 20/10/2025 11:43

I’d also be keener on School 1. Being able to walk and a closer friendship group made a massive difference to my kids.

Could you try a second visit? It might seem a bit less scary now you know the geography? Ask someone to speak to your daughter about her concerns?

TheNightingalesStarling · 20/10/2025 11:43

Have you got time in half term to have a trial school run to School 2? (Including get out the house at half 7 etc).

SilverBlue56 · 20/10/2025 11:40

Having had my son commuting for nearly seven years, a 30-40 minute bus can easily turn into an hour or more door to door. We are all utterly sick of it. I would choose a school he could walk to in a heartbeat if it was a decent one. We didn't really have a local option.

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