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School is too much for DD

30 replies

localhere · 04/09/2025 07:24

Not sure if this is the right board so I’m sorry but it does directly reference school and education.
My Dd is 12. She had her first day back yesterday and a meltdown last night.
For a bit of background she was on a reduced timetable in June and July and was sort of managing on that.
The days she was in she wouldn’t sleep, she won’t eat at school, and was always a ball of nerves (there was also a self harming incident) it was heartbreaking but I thought she found it doable. She had high hopes to ‘enjoy school’ come September, she desperately wants to be that girl! One day back has broken her. She finds it difficult to articulate her thoughts generally but I cajoled her into write her issues down and she wrote notes in the night that clearly express her difficulties with managing the noise, the chaos of the place, her sensory difficulties.
NHS won’t even see her for an assessment of autism or adhd that school forwarded even though it runs rampant through our family, I’m appealing that through her GP. She’s missed so much school already year 6 and 7 but the way I see it, learning is not an option for her in an environment she finds ‘scary’ and overwhelming. At school she is considered quiet and “good” - at home she breaks down from the effort of masking.
I know this morning she’ll give it her best and we’ll sit in the car outside school for ages while she wrings her hands and sobs, and then I’ll have to take her to work with me.
My heart bleeds for her. I have even been considering homeschooling but she is at her dad’s every other week and his work doesn’t allow him the capability or flexibility to offer that support.
sorry if this reads like a venting session, I’m really at my wits end and feel like piggy in the middle between what the school demands and her needs! Any advice that comes from experience is very much appreciated.

OP posts:
Fearfulsaints · 04/09/2025 08:02

Outside of the ehcp process failure, what are school doing to support her?

Im not saying lots can be done. This is a very difficult and stressful situation. But for instance, classes themselves should be quiet and calm. Is there a seat that works better for her, can she leave to get through corridors at quiet times. Are there particularly bad classes she could drop, are there quiet spaces she can access for lunch and break, are there possibilities for an alternative provision like equine therapy to support school attendance.

In terms of referrals, can you ask for an OT referral for sensory issues (as well as pursuing a diagnosis, which might be very slow) they might offer some practical help. Stress that the education placement is at risk of breaking down.

childofthe607080s · 04/09/2025 07:59

Will the school read what she has written? And can you make some small suggestions - not things that cost money because that’s a huge problem but other suggestions that would help

I don’t see why someone needs a formal bit of paper to get at least some of the support they need - ear plugs allowed, somewhere like the library to work through exercises rather than the classroom. Surely the school have quiet spaces like a library that children can use in break?

i am just thinking of how school make small changes to help me way back just a “this would help me” “ok” discussion

Kazplus2 · 04/09/2025 07:53

I am going through the exact same just now and have pulled her out of all classes. She is going in for a few hours a day but with a dedicated support person and not in classes. We are fortunate to have decided to go private and will look into medication that may assist with anxiety. It's expensive but necessary.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/09/2025 07:51

The only way out of this is private assessment and fishing for an EHCP.

Why won’t the nhs see her she sounds typical of ND?

DeeKitch · 04/09/2025 07:49

Bless you and your daughter

You really are stuck in the middle

GP will likely recommend you self refer and if anything like Psion they will ‘lose’ the forms even if you also email them

beyond frustrating - could you afford to have her assessed privately? X

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