PTSD as a result of school appeals process

I think you are misreading this - OP says her daughter is coping OK, and OP is putting a brave face on it for her daughter. It’s OP who is struggling.

I get it - as a parent you are able to look further ahead than the DC who are more focused in the here-and-now, so the implications probably feel more acute.

Also going through an appeal is hard work and fraught.

The extent to which OP is struggling might be extreme, but having just gone through this myself I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

First of all, why on earth do you think she would have been sat on her own in class all day? What a ridiculous assumption!
when you say the school ‘refused to give you distances’, what exactly do you mean? Which school? Did you have actual proof that the admissions criteria wasn’t applied correctly?
If your DD not getting a place in the school you wanted her to go to has given you PTSD I suggest you seek support from your GP. This is a complete overreaction.

I imagine your DD is picking up on your reaction rather then having one of her own, HUGE projection on your part.
Part of a parents job is to try and help our Dc be resilient and deal with things we can't change and you sound like you have made things worse.
IF you think there has been a break down of the appeals process or school has lied then tak things further but in the meantime stay as calm as possible and prepare your child for the school they will probably be going to

I feel for you OP as in a similar position I was, like a previous poster, absolutely blindsided. I didn’t really eat or sleep for over a week and it took me ages to stop bursting into tears over it. It was like bereavement, down to cycling through the five stages of grief.

Where are you now with the process OP? it sounds like you have unsuccessfully appealed?

What were the admissions criteria and what makes you believe they have not been followed? You say children from further away have been admitted - is that in previous years or this year?

What’s the waiting list situation?

Emotionally speaking it sounds like you might need some help processing this. How recently did you get the appeal outcome? I’m a few weeks past the outcome and starting to feel a lot more accepting of it now.

Have I?

I agree with this. Last year, my son went through a similar situation. He was denied to the secondary school most of his friends were going. He was the only one from his class going to another school which isnt the most popular. Of course we were very disappointed and frustrated. My DS felt very emotional and cried on the last day of Y6. I was heartbroken and felt like a failure as a parent, but DH told me not to show this in front of our DS as it would only make him feel worse.

We told him that is life, sometimes things dont go as the way we wish. I talked to him about how I felt when I had to part from my friends in life in many occasions. I told him to continue to be a good student and good person and he will make new friends.

He has done really well in Y7 at his new school. He made fi
riends in the first two weeks. I remainded contact with some of his old friends parents from Y6. We organise a play date each term so the boys can get together again from time to time.

You need to look at this in a positive way. Yes it is unfortunate but its not the end of the world. Take it as a learning opportunity for your child to learn to deal with difficult times, cope his emotions, adjust to a new environment and make the most of it, because in our lives there will likely to be far worse situations. Being poaitive is really important to lead a happy life.

As @Lougle says, if you believe the school lied to the appeal panel or the appeal panel failed to follow the correct process, you can refer the matter to the ESFA if this is an academy, the LGO for any other type of school. If they find things have gone wrong, they can order a fresh hearing with a different appeal panel.

The school's failure to answer your questions may be a breach of the Appeals Code, but it depends exactly what you asked. They could not, for example, answer questions as to why child X was admitted ahead of your child.

Children living further away than you being admitted ahead of you does not necessarily mean a mistake has been made. If they were in a higher admissions category than your child, they will be admitted first regardless of distance.

I'm really sorry this has triggered your PTSD.

I think PTSD is overstating it but I was absolutely blindsided when my DD was in this position and I understand the bitterness and anger. I was taken back by how badly I took it - I ended up having to take a fortnight off work as I just couldn't sleep. We missed out on a place by 8 metres in the first round, missed out on the second round due to people who lived nearer going on the waiting list and overtaking her, and a place was finally offered mid-May. Your daughter must be near the top of the waiting list though?

The diagnostic criteria for PTSD require fear for life/serious injury, so as pp said this wouldn't cause PTSD. However if you have previous PTSD from abuse or similar the similar feelings of panic/severe stress may have triggered an episode of your pre-existing PTSD. Otherwise it is probably a reaction to severe stress or adjustment disorder which have a some symptoms in common with PTSD.

You should contact your GP, you may need a course of therapy e.g. EMDR.

Why do you think they lied? Who benefited from that of it was the case?

I would be surprised if, as you say, all the kids in your dd's class, as well as on your street, have been allocated places at that school, but you have not for some reason. Do all the kids in the class have siblings already at the new school? That might explain it (assuming having a sibling is one of the oversubscription criteria on their admissions policy).

How exactly have the school lied? If you could explain that, we might be able to help.

If your Local Authority (and to be clear it is the LA if you are in England or Wales, schools have absolutely no say in the admission process) did not follow their own admissions policy and children got into the school ahead of your DD who were lower down the list then you should easily have won your appeal. It wouldn’t have even gone to appeal - the LA would have overturned the decision as soon as the mistake was noted. Can you tell us a bit more about what grounds you appealed on and what happened in the appeal hearing?

Massive overreaction on your part. Honestly things like this happen in life. We don’t always get what we want. Good on your daughter for coping well. I hope she enjoys her new school.

This isn’t new PTSD. I’d say this situation has triggered (yes in the proper sense of the word) stuff from your childhood trauma. That’s what you need to look at here. You know it’s an overreaction per the pp.

I say this as someone who has extensive childhood trauma and only after many many years of therapy do I realise how the past warps the present and tricks me into thinking otherwise.

How do you know they made a mistake/covered things up? Kids may not be in the catchment area but certain children will still be able to get in, ie kids who are adopted in some instance or foster kids will be given spots even if they are not in the catchment area.
some children with disabilities are given a place even if not in a catchment area.

If you genuinely think that the appeals panel did not conduct the appeal according to process, then you can complain and ask either the LGO (for maintained schools) or the DfE (for academies).

https://www.gov.uk/schools-admissions/complain-about-the-appeals-process

Please stop misusing terminology such as PTSD, OP. It’s inaccurate and deeply insulting to those who really have suffered trauma.

With all due respect the OP has said she previously had PTSD so this experience is retraumatising her so the comments on other people’s more serious PTSD events, which obviously are also incredibly traumatic too, are not relevant.

I think @Lenart you need to take a step back.

Our DS didn’t get offered a school because “apparently” he isn’t in catchment. The school is on our road and 200m from our door in very low density housing area so unless they have a ridiculously small catchment which they don’t someone made a mistake.

You are taking stuff incredibly personally. Mistakes undoubtedly were made but keep pursuing it and accept the offer you have in the meantime.

Massive overreaction on your part. Are you not a bit sheepish that your child is coping much better than you when it was her school place? It’s a non-issue, she’s fine, nobody died.

You need to get over it. Your child is coping well most people would be happy and support her in this instead of comparing being upset to ptsd. Why can't you submit formal complaint, or go to MP if procedures haven't been followed? I feel there's going to be a back story here....

And as far as process, the school do not deal with admissions appeals. This is an independent panel, arranged by the Local Authority. They have used the evidence presented, including by you and have followed legal process. If they haven't changes would have been made.

My daughter found her dad dead at 10. She was alone. She did CPR. She has trauma and PTSD. Your daughter is upset.
There’s a difference.

@greensidepatchI think op meant she kept her child at home when the rest of Y6 went for their transition day, so she was not the only child in her year at her primary school that day. I’ve nothing to add except I can empathise that you would not want a place now, even if one was offered. What is the Headteacher at your primary school doing ? They should be helping you! Hoping that your daughter makes an excellent transition to wherever she is going and, makes fabulous friends for life and does really well. Poor show on the part of the ‘Mum’ friends too.

No you really do not have post traumatic stress disorder from this event and your overreaction is dreadful for those who really have experienced or witnessed horrific things. ( road accidents, death, rape, murders). Serving soldiers, police officers, family where a relative has died in front of them, paramedics.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/overview/

You must understand the difference from your previous traumatic experience. If it is linked to that you need more support but dealing with school places, nope! You just need a bit of resilience.

This does sound really traumatic for your family OP but be careful when you say even if your daughter is offered a place now you want nothing to do with them that you are not making this about you when it is actually about your daughter.

If your daughter would still like to go to the school then put her name down on the waiting list for if children don't take up their place or drop out. If your daughter has adapted now then leave it.