My son sent a nude - will he be prosecuted? What happens now?

There comes a time when you have to stop punishing your children. I think some parents are obsessed with punishment. In this case, speaking to him is probably a much better option. Why punish him on top?

First, because to a teenager he's not being punished because he sent a nude. He's being punished because he went to his Mum for help. If he knows he's going to lose his phone, next time he gets into trouble online, he might think again about confiding in her.

Secondly, there's the victim blaming aspect. If, as PPs have suggested, this is a sextortion scenario, he's been manipulated by someone much older into this. It's not his fault.

It is standard safeguarding advice. As MrsSunshine2b said, its important not to blame, shame or punish him for this, even indirectly.

If he does become exploited or blackmailed, he's the victim. Punishing him would be akin to victim blaming.

If he isnt exploited and has just consensually exchanged nudes with no harmful intent or outcomes, this is age-approriate curiosity and experimentation. That's hard for our generation to accept because we've not lived it. But it's how many teens flirt in early relationships. Denying it happens or making it feel 'dirty' isn't helpful.

He doesn't need punishing for age approriate experimentation that caused no harm. He would benefit from education and words of advise based around losing control of an image once sent, and the risks of proving they were sent/received with consent, if this is disputed. I'd add in some educational conversation about misogyny and objectifying women too.

What's very relevant in the OPs case is her son came to her and asked for help. Strong evidence of a safe and trusting parent-child relationship. Our teens need that. BigDeepBreaths, do you think your son would come and ask you for help if he knew you'd respond with removing his social lifeline (phone) as a punishment for seeking adult support from you? Better to develop open conversations to educate, than blame and shame so he stops speaking to you about this stuff. Those boys who died by suicide following sextortion, they did that precisely because they thought their parents would blame, shame and punish them. So they couldn't find a safe adult to ask who would help.

Thank goodness he told you.

I think you need a full conversation about this including the possibility of attempted blackmail and what he should do in that situation (number 1- tell you, then you can report it together). Police have been clear that these laws aren’t intended to criminalise under age kids acting with consent.

I certainly wouldn’t punish him unless you want him to avoid telling you about things in future. He has done something stupid but followed it up with something brave and sensible, so focus on that, but also have a really serious conversation about all of this.

The law criminalising indecent images of children was created to protect children and young people from adults seeking to sexually abuse them or gain pleasure from their sexual abuse. It was not intended to criminalise children and young people. The law was also developed long before mass adoption of the internet, mobiles and digital photography. Children should not be unnecessarily criminalised for experimental non-harmful behaviour, as the op describes.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/sharing-nudes-and-semi-nudes-advice-for-education-settings-working-with-children-and-young-people/sharing-nudes-and-semi-nudes-advice-for-education-settings-working-with-children-and-young-people

Could also be a male creep, who isn't a blackmailer but just enjoys looking at boy's penises. Not that this is a much better scenario.

Scaremongering bullshit.

I check my daughter's phone every night. She has very tight controls.

There are risks in the real world too

As a young teen I was exposed to a paedophile who repeatedly tried to kiss me at my swimming lessons. He was a "pillar of the community". Unfortunately my parents never discussed with me what to do about this and weren't the kind of people it was easy to discuss things with. So I never told anyone.

Having lots of conversations with our children, having lots of safeguards is the key.

My niece wasnt allowed a phone till 16 and then got one and was immediately posting wildly inappropriate stuff everywhere.

I disagree. He has distributed indecent images of a child, it is likely to pass the evidential test and public interest test and he may well have end up on the sex offenders register.

Genuine question, why not take his phone? I have posted that i think it should be removed. My view is that rules around phone use have been broken, so a consequence is inevitable. Punishments can delivered at the same time as working through the issue together calmly and rationally.

But I’m new to this phase so interested in why you think no punishment in this scenario.

If it's as he said, consensual and not unsolicited, the police likely won't take much interest in a dad's complaints at that age. That's as long as there's no hint that he tried to coerce her. I initially wasn't sure about the wanting to know what he could have in return part, but then the asking if she would be comfortable with that next part seems quite specific.

Odd that you seem to think they've both dated her from a distance and are okay with this. They've never met whoever it is and need to realise they've been extremely stupid in sharing their own images at all, as these are out of their control now and there's no reason to trust whoever has them.

What should happen next is you remove his access to phone as he has presumably broken every rule and boundary you have in place. How on earth did he think it was ok to ask a “girl” for pics of her private parts?!

You need to get yourself access to a parenting course in online safety and one for your son. Many many people are sleepwalking through this phase of teens with smart phones. You cant change what has happened already but you can prevent it (or worse) happening again.

Then, if you haven’t already, watch Adolescence and count yourself lucky this is where it has (hopefully) ended.

Also contact his friends parents and let them know what the boys have been exposed to.

So much better to give them a smartphone with parental controls and oversight at 11 and carry out checks and have those learning moments and discussions.

There is a thread at the moment where a poster has discovered her 11 year old daughter has been having conversations with a paedophile. The police are involved. She thought her 11 year old knew all the rules and could be trusted.

My DS fell for a scam like this. He’s an intelligent young man and has been warned countless times about stuff like this, but one silly night he took the bait.

He messaged the family WhatsApp to say if you get a video please don’t open jt, and apologising for being so silly. Luckily he didn’t give them money or hide it and let the worry eat him up. Within a couple of days it was all forgotten but he learned a very important lesson!

Just make sure your DS doesn’t respond to any threats to share and maybe warn anyone close to him, just in case the videos do surface. At least he told you, that’s a good sign that he won’t let ‘shame’ derail him.

That was really irresponsible of them and I'd consider making a complaint.

Police threatened prosecution to my sd but it never happened. Be hyper vigilant on what happens next as we are at the end of a traumatic time and a young life ruined, although reading here not as ruined as those who couldn’t continue. You’ve clearly brought him up well and have a relationship that’s close enough for him to come to you, keep that going and your support

The most important thing is that you do not, even indirectly, blame, shame or punish him for this. That includes by taking his phone. The fact he's come to you is important- don't let him down.

There's a lot of hysteria around this issue but, whilst sending nudes is inadvisable, it's very age appropriate for teens to be curious about each other's bodies.

If you suspect sextortion then it's even more important for you to keep the lines of communication open.

There's level headed advice here: www.ceopeducation.co.uk/11_18/lets-talk-about/nudes/sending-nudes/

First of all I think you should give yourself a huge pat on the back you have developed such a positive relationship with your son that he can share this with you and seek your help.
I hope he does not have his face in the video or photo.
2nd I would see advice from the police I am guessing its a scammer and what they can do to both support your son and stop the scammer hurting other children is the direction to go.

Absolutely right - you will get through this and likely the police won't get involved. What's valuable is that you and your son were able to talk about this

I think it’s very unlikely that the police will get involved, let alone pursue a prosecution.

However, I would be very worried that there is no girl ant the other end of this and about the prospect of blackmail. You need to make sure your son keeps communicating with you about this and tells you if there is any hint of blackmail - from anyone. Children have taken their own lives over this issue. He needs to know you will help him through whatever happens - blackmail or disclosure.

It’s probably not a 15 year old girl. This is classic sextortion and also not many 15 year old girls are out asking for dick pics. To be honest not many woman do either. I said not many by the way before someone replied they love them.

You need to take his phone and have a serious talk with him about sextortion also find out if his face is in the pic or anything identifying (weird birth mark, scar ext.)

Hopefully it will be okay and this will just be a minor bump in the road OP. He’s not the first boy to send his willy and won’t be the last.

Plus teenagers are canny.

One of DD's friends has a parent who is a very vocal member of the SmartPhone Free Childhood cult and very proud her child has only ever had a brick phone and has never seen TikTok.

I know this child has had one of her friend's old iPhones since Y8 and has all the TikTok and YouTube accounts she could possibly desire. She just uses it on wifi. I am mainly impressed that she's managed to keep it secret and not get caught for over 3 years!

Agree. Tight supervision, tight controls, open conversation and plenty of phone free time.

I remember what happened to the children over overly strict parents when they arrived at university. So many went totally off the rails.

Parenting is very gradual letting go, we can't hold them tight then push them off a cliff edge when they hit 16

Because it's going to be so much better when you hand your 16 or 18 year old the 'forbidden fruit' of a smartphone and they make the same or worse mistakes then?

So much better to give them a smartphone with parental controls and oversight at 11 and carry out checks and have those learning moments and discussions.

Good luck trying that with a 16+

OP the great thing is that he has come to you and been open about it.

As long as he hasn’t forwarded on her pictures to anyone then he is unlikely to get into trouble. However, if he did then he could be investigated and charged with distributing indecent images. In Scotland the police are treating this more seriously to try and crack down on this.

Well done for your son telling you. There is lots of information online. https://www.childline.org.uk/searchpage/?query=Sexting

Also a safe space for your son to chat.