My son sent a nude - will he be prosecuted? What happens now?

That's not how a teen will view it which is why it's not recommended by online safeguarding experts.

this. These are the three option.

hopefully it’s the first.

That is exactly why I really worry about the move to ban smartphones for younger teens.

I do quite a lot of work in this area, and it's been very interesting watching differences in groups over the last 10 years or so.

5 years ago, 15/16 year old kids (especially girls) were obsessed with validation online - how many followers, how many likes, how many comments. I'm not seeing that in the same way in the current 15/16s. They've grown up with it being their normal and so it's not very exciting, Biggest issue with them is the rabbit hole of endless reels and spending hours watching rubbish.

I've also seen with my own child the various pitfalls and teaching moments. She's white with a lot of black friends - I had to explain quite early on (11/12) that certain song lyrics were not really acceptable anywhere but they were a thousand time more unacceptable if she used that song than if her friends did.

We've had the conversations about how screenshots mean something said in the heat of the moment means it's there forever.

I've done the sneaking in to use her fingerprint to unlock the phone and have a scroll through the WhatsApp groups just to see what was being said and how DD interacted with her peers.

Hopefully she's aware enough of the things to look out for that she'll be safe in the later teen years where consequences can be more life-altering. But I would hate to be having to try and have the conversations I had at 11-13 with a 16 year old who 'knows everything' .

Unless the girl is a 55 year old male in fact

No she didn't.

My comment on Adolescence was rooted in considering the implications of letting kids spend hours unchecked on their phones focussed on an online world/relationships

What Adolescent taught us was the vital importance of connection with your teen. That was the central safeguarding theme, in my view.

The father lacked connection with his son... boxing instead of art, not understanding his friendships, not listening to his views, so unable to challenge them. The father also lacked connection with his daughter. The police officer lacked connection with his son.

That lack of connection is not just on child. It's also not just about online behaviour.

Our children, especially our sons, are losing family connections and so they are susceptible to unhealthy connections online.

Adolescence does have a lesson to teach in the OPs situation. It's not that the son needs punishment and control tho. It's that he needs a safe relationship where he can make mistakes and feels confident in asking for advise.

If a teens online behaviour is unsafe, the answer isn't no phone - that will just mean child will be more secretive next time theyre unsafe. Instead it might mean greater monitoring, emphasising safety. That said, if a teens online behaviour is harmful - they pressure for nudes, they bully etc. That does need a punishment, so time without a phone could help teach a lesson. Bringing this back to the OP, key point would parents not knee-jerking an assumption that sharing nudes is harmful (so warrents a punishment), when often it isn't.

I dont think removing phones is about punishment, its about protection if a child is struggling to use it appropriately.

Actually no.

Some good advice folllowing my earlier comment thanks, that was, i hold my hands up, textbook knee jerk reaction / panic.

My comment on Adolescence was rooted in considering the implications of letting kids spend hours unchecked on their phones focussed on an online world/relationships. I dont think its entirely irrelevant in the wider context of this scenario, but agree there is better advice for the OP and her situation from other posters on this thread.

You honestly think the police are going to arrest a 15 year old boy for sending a dick pic? 😂 the girl if real, could be done on coercion? She asked two boys for dick pics first?

Thank you so much for this response, really helpful.

Like OP, I have a very open relationship with DC (younger than OPs) who at this stage asks and tells me a lot, and i’d like to keep it that way so appreciate your insight.

She sent a photo of herself in a bra - it's not the same and it's one of the reasons I suspect it's a scam. "She" hasn't sent anything that could be classified as porn but he has.

I don't think @BigDeepBreaths is meaning to be cruel.

This issue causes panic amongst parents. The knee-jerk reaction, to take their phone, tell them off and "scare them straight" is understandable, and if it was my daughter, I might want to do the same.

The response that will actually help OP in this situation, approaching it with calm and empathy, feels quite counter-intuitive when you feel like your child has potentially done something incredibly stupid and risky, and you want to protect them.

The idea of doing some training in online safety isn't a bad idea at all for any parent, although it can be harmful if done in response to an incident and proactive is best. I think CEOPEducation is the best place to go for resources and know that everything they publish is fully evidence based.

I don't understand the Adolescence comment either. I don't see any relationship between sending a consensual nude and stabbing a school mate to death.

Oh dear, not this again. Yes, yes boys in the wrong too. But my point was less to criticise “the girl” because I don’t believe she even exists. Rather, I was making the point that she is an unlikely reality. But a core of Mn’ers do love to jump on a “Misogny!” spot as if we are playing a giant game of snap or where’s Wally, and in so doing lose all sense of context.

You also realise that any person who is a victim of a sex crime has anonymity, their name cannot be legally published unless they give their consent to restrictions being lifted, but only if you’re over 18. It’s against the law for reporters to name anyone under the age of 18 who is a victim of a sex crime. So yes you are wrong and don’t know what you’re talking about 😂

At aged 15? He’s a minor.
If the girl is real, then same thing would happen to her then, as she is 15? Jesus christ what a stupid comment.

I gather you think the same for Ops son and his friend that also send nudes.

Highly likely it will be a scam for blackmail. Actually read a story of lad older, maybe 19. Thought he was talking to a girl same age, both sent naked pictures then was blackmailed for money. He give the money but was asked for more. He ended up killing himself. He’s 15, and so is the girl. So if she was real they wouldn’t be in trouble as both are 15. I would go to the police. The photos of your underage son could be sent to some perverts online and I would be questioning where the images of the girl came from. If girl is real then police would probs contact her and your son and chat about online safety, they will not be in trouble.

And this is one of the strangest ideas I have read on here for a long time.

You would, genuinely, punish your child when they turn to you for help because they have been pressured into sending indecent photos, possibly to a paedophile?

What sort of relationship do you think this would foster with your child going forwards?

I don't say this unkindly, but if you are, yourself, a parent, please try to apply some kind of empathy, if this is genuinely the approach you would take. It seems to me unbelievably cruel (as well as 100% certain to alienate the child so that they never, ever turn to you for help in any circumstances ever again).

This obsession with the series Adolesence really puzzles me. It was interestingly filmed. But it hardly flags up previously undiscussed issues, (at least not to anybody who hadn't been living under a stone for the past few decades). And it's also a work of fiction, and like any, some of the points it raises are valid, some are more subjective. It's not some unique purveyor of a previously unvoiced truth.....

But if you took ANYTHING from it, surely you took that it would have been better by far if the boy in the series had felt able to turn to his parents for help earlier!

Please dont take the phone or punish him to harshly. He made a mistake and has prob been duped into a scam.

I just pray there was nothing identifying to him in the pic/video?

My son exchanged pics a few years when they were both 15, he learnt his lesson and never did it again.

How is it going to pass the public interest test (assuming it happened as described?)

Unfortunately this sort of interaction among teenagers is pretty common, as they tend to have poor impulse control, be prone to risk taking and have high libidos!

Your son is far from alone. Please reassure him that, although technically he has broken the law (distribution of child pornography) he is very unlikely to be prosecuted, as he has engaged in the cincensual sharing of nudes with someone he believes is the same age. If the police tried to prosecute every young person who does this they would literally be doing nothing else.

Some important questions:
A) has he ever met this girl? Or facetimed with her? Does he have any evidence she is who she purports to be?
B) did the video he sent include his face?

He will be likely feeling very upset, scared and even violated at this point. It's good that he feels he can speak to you about what has happened - very many children are scared to be open with their parents about these things and that does SO much harm - so well done to you for fostering the kind of relationship where he knows he can turn to you for help.

He may need further help in the future, maybe counselling, depending how distressed he is by this experience.

If the video does not include identifying details, I would suggest the best course of action is for him to block the "girl" on all platforms and try to move on from this situation.

If I does, and if you have reason to believe she may not, in fact, be the teenage girl she purports to me, I would suggest reporting this, if your son is comfortable with that.

If you turn to his school then safeguarding officer should be able to advise you further. Really, you need to talk to someone about this face to face. It's hard for us to advise on here because there are so many variables we would need the answers to first.

There is help out there though. Sadly it's a really common scenario.

Good luck.

Is it? I figured she was a bit busy parenting her son who is clearly going through a hard time.

Interesting how the OP hasn’t returned!