Do we pull DD out of her show to focus on GCSEs?

Good enough for whom?

Yes people are lining up to ‘promote mediocrity’ 🙄 or maybe they are really promoting balance as actually applying more external pressure can be counterproductive.

Exams are important but they are not the be all and end all of life & a 7 in a mock certainty should not result in a verbal whipping or sanctions. If she wants to & can achieve more then a productive conversation on how best to support that alongside a good look at the paper to identify areas to focus on is the most useful approach. ‘You are not working hard enough, work harder and my approval is conditional on that’ is a terrible message from a parent when there child IS working hard.

While I broadly agree I would much rather see my chilled out DS coasting towards 7's when he is capable of more than my stressed DD freaking out at the mere thought of an 8 rather than a 9.
While we want our DC to achieve we should also want them to be happy and enjoy been a teenager with extra curriculars and friends etc

While you are planning, don't forget procrastinators benefit from chunking the work, plan to do several bite size bits and take regular breaks and reward yourself by ticking things off. They also benefit, counterintuitively, from lowering their standards - perfectionism causes procrastination, because it's exhausting, effortful and ultimately unachievable, so aiming for productivity and good work but cutting a few corners and making yourself stop at the allotted time rather than pull an all nighter makes it easier to start each study sesh and increases performance.

@madamweb What grades does she need for her chosen 6th form?

A 7 isn’t good enough though if she is capable of better and isn’t working hard enough.

This 👆

In any case, I don't think as the lead, she can really pull out!

Help her with a revision timetable that fits around her drama commitments. Being the lead in this show will stay with her for life and is likely to feed her out-of-work activities which will bring her joy.

Sometimes that's about learning the exam technique not putting in longer hours making flash cards though.

I didn't work harder to get a first/A* s, I just worked out what they wanted from me in the exam. The difference often isn't more knowledge, it's a better quality answer.

Oh I absolutely agree. I managed to do a sport at a high level (including lots of travelling) and get a first. Meanwhile some of my housemates just festered in front of the TV for days on end.

It's perfectly possible to manage both, it's about making sure revision is effective and efficient not spending endless hours at a desk

She is not working as hard as she could be on academics though if she is capable of 9s but is only getting 7s.

Ime many of those who get top grades are also driven in other areas of life, such as sport and arts. They work hard to get top grades but also take part in other activities.

Which is exactly the kind of student being discussed here. She is able to get high grades and a key role in a theatre production at the same time.

I agree that life is about more than academic success. However, the two are not mutually exclusive.

Ime many of those who get top grades are also driven in other areas of life, such as sport and arts. They work hard to get top grades but also take part in other activities. What that means is that they have less time for tiktok and Xbox.

In contrast, a lot of students who are happy with mediocre grades are too lazy to do other activities and want to spend all their time on screens.

It's not about promoting mediocrity. It's about realising that life success is about more than academic success (I have a string of glittering grades but my hobbies have contributed as much if not more to my career success due to the skills they gave me). And it's also about realising you can do too much revision. At GCSE, A level and university I got top grades by working smarter not harder. Our brains need downtime too and we need to make sure our revision is a effective revision. It's about what you do, not how long you sit at your desk.

I saw friends put in crazy hours revising and be burnt out by the time they walked into the exam room. Of course I was going to do better than them, I felt fresh and ready to really read and answer the questions in front of me. I never did last minute cramming and I never did long hours. It's fruitless to overwork.

I disagree with some of the posts here that promote mediocrity. I think all DC should be expected to work hard and achieve the best grades they are capable of- whether that is a 5 or a 9.

Clearly your DD hasn’t been working hard enough. I would only allow her to continue the show if she agrees to an organised revision schedule- she should be doing 2.5-3 hours a night at this stage and more at weekends (4-5 hours a day).

@MrsSunshine2b Universities don't care about what else you do outside of the subject you apply for. They don't look for any skills outside the ones for the subject. Most just want suitable A level subjects and grades.

However a few do consider GCSE grades: definitely Oxford and Bristol. Therefore don't assume GCSEs are just to get dc into a 6th form. Some dc should be wanting better grades than the bare minimum.

It's definitely better to have some hobbies on the go. They usually stop for the exam season. DC are not having lessons and probably not in school, DC should have some release from study and relaxation.

Post GCSEs it would probably be a good idea to nudge her towards doing more chores /prepping her own snacks. Much as it's lovely to be bothered (and good at exam time) I was shocked when moving into a house share in my second year of university (we lived in college in the first year) to discover half my house mates could barely turn the oven on or use a washing machine

No, your DD doesn't need to do less of her hobbies, she needs to be supported to work out how to make best use of the remaining free time to revise effectively and work towards the grades she wants.

I think it's healthy for teenagers to have interests that aren't academic whether that's hanging out with friends, doing a sport, something creative, a weekend job etc. as it helps them to create a bit of balance in their life. If exams don't go as hoped but they've dedicated all their time and energy to exam prep, what message is that giving them? That even their best isn't good enough? If exams don't go well but in the meantime they have maintained friendships, continued with their hobby etc. then they still have something positive from that time. Too much is made of GCSEs. Yes, lots of life is more straightforward if a student has a clutch of GCSEs including English and maths but life isn't over for those who don't finish Y11 with 5+ GCSEs. The hype and hysteria over GCSEs doesn't do our teens any good; it's no wonder so many of them deal in absolutes and/or struggle with their mental health when the adults around them have lost all perspective as to the value of exams taken at 16.

I think you need to put ownership of GCSEs and revision on to her. She is 16 after all.

Does she want to do really well at GCSE?

Or, would she be happy to do pretty well - lots of 7s - but clearly below what she could achieve if she worked for it.

Ask her to imagine results day, and imagine opening envelope with mostly 9s as against opening an envelope with mainly 7s.

It is really her choice.

If actually she is not that bothered about getting lots of 7s, that is up to her.

If she wants to do really well, she will have to use her time well to work hard. As part of that she will need to factor in her show. Clearly its a great thing to do. But if she also wants to do really well at GCSE, she will have to work extra hard to fit it all in. Again, her decision. Can she "afford" the "cost" that the show represents in terms of time when set against her other goal (to do well at GCSE).

If you just "tell" her she can't do her show, you remove ownership of the issue and the chance for a mature acceptance of reality - if you want x, then you have to do y, and make a, b and c compromises along the way.

You can say that your view, as someone older and with more experience, would be that it would be best to aim as high as she can at GSCE. It will give her more options. And she will be proud that she has met her potential. But that this is your advice only, and at the end of the day it is for her to make a decision.

Yes this is what we do with DD , once a show is over she has to pick the chores back up though!

She’ll be fine. Let her have her show.
Mock exams exist primarily to give kids a kick up the arse.

With DD I let her carry in her extras, but let her slack on any household stuff and we made sure we could run her t classes and such - not waking / bus etc - facilitate her as much as we could - the activity -was so physical and mentally useful

Exactly, and even if they do get straight As, as an employer I would want to see that they had done more with their life than just study and revise. Even in a very academic career, academic skills are only part of the skillset needed to be successful in a work place. Hobbies like performance that show the ability to work as a team, to take direction, to practice and perfect, to think on your feet, to show commitment, are exactly the kind of things I want to see on a CV.