HBS v DAO twin dilemma

My information might be too old to still be relevant but if Twin 1's only objection to DAO is for social reasons then she might be worrying for no reason. They used to split the year groups into 2 halves with each half having totally different timetables so it makes it difficult to socialise across the halves. In fact, they sometimes moved kids who were struggling with friendships into the other half of the year group to help them.

If the twins were in the different halves then it would be like they could each feel like they were in their own mini school.

Perhaps someone with more recent experience could confirm what the year group set up is now.

HBS and ASD are actually a good fit, lots of them there as in grammars generally. Anxiety and lack
of confidence is definitely not though.

Our friends had two DC at HBS, both ASD but with different profiles - one couldn't care less about friendship groups and was just absorbed in her own world doing maths, and thrived at HBS. Another one had some anxiety issues and hated her time there.

It's difficult to predict though.

That’s the point. Twin 2 is not stated dao without twin 1 going there as well.

I don’t think you’re going to get a clear answer on this - how can you as it depends on what everyone else in your local area chooses and gets - and these things vary a lot from year to year. The catchment area for my DC1’s primary went from 1.6 to 0.7 miles in one year, even though the birthrate has fallen and lots of people have moved out of our area of London.

what was your thinking when you put down DAO for both and why has your twin1 not accepted it by now? Did you think you could get your twin2 in on a sibling place by swapping twin1 out at the last minute?

Gosh, you guys really let your children rule you! 😂

My DD was adamant she wouldn't go to a school I had to send her to - fast forward two months and she wishes she could go to school 7 days a week 🤣

OP I think get this thread deleted in due course. Too much information. Copy the relevant info over beforehand etc.
And I do not want to stress you out further but is there any chance that your Twin 1 has ASD? And would that change your decision.

https://damealiceowens.herts.sch.uk/sixth-form/admissions/admissions-faqs/#allocation

It is on their website, quite clear.

https://damealiceowens.herts.sch.uk/sixth-form/admissions/admissions-faqs/#:~:text=Our%20sibling%20policy%20applies%20to,place%20under%20our%20sibling%20criterion.

This is my understanding too. Twin 2 will have little chance of getting into a good local comp and her education will be badly jeopardised if twin 1 gets what she wants. I wouldn't consider such a scenario.

@twindilemma82 it would be lovely to have a crystal ball and see them both happy and thriving at DAO , but your daughter has already told you that she never imagined that you wouldn’t let her go to HBS . If you make her go to DAO there is a high probability that it will ruin your relationship and your daughter’s relationship forever .

This is a different question now than if you’d asked it back in October though surely?

If you’ve already put down DAO for both, then is there any guarantee twin 1 would get into HBS (presumably not?) and presumably it means that twin 2 has little to no chance of getting into a good local comp, so you’re most likely to be left with whatever was the least desirable school in your local area for her? If that is the case then I don’t really see why you’re even contemplating trying to change, or have I misunderstood?

“Our sibling policy applies to multiple birth applicants provided one is offered a place under one of our listed criteria. The other multiple birth sibling/s will then be offered a place under our sibling criterion. If the child offered the original place declines the place offered or accepts a place at a higher preference school the offer to the multiple birth sibling under the sibling criterion will be rescinded.”

I think you need to be honest with both twins now.... as you've listed DAO as first choice back in October, one of them will lose out now. The outcome would have been different if you had made the right decision months ago. Apologise for it.

The most important question is how bad twin 2's option 3 is, in the worst case scenario.

If you’re dtd2 wouldn’t have passed the 11+ how will she actually get on when most of the dc (except siblings) have passed it? It feels like you’re setting up both dc to fail. As a mum of twins this thread is honestly an uncomfortable read.

I can totally empathise with your predicament. Whilst I do not have twins, I have 4 DC and have done the London 11 plus 4 times and each time, it is not enough time to make decisions, massive lottery, things change and my no 3 and 4 sound like your twins and I have no idea how I would have decided if they were twins. So be kind to yourself. As you cannot foresee the future and do not have all the information, you can only make a decision trying to act in the best interests of both children, in equal measures, to be fair to them. You should not place one above the other. If one does not get their very first choice but that would result in the other being really potentially disadvantaged, making a good choice for both of them is perfectly fine. Both these schools are considered some of the very best in London and I would add Camden School for Girls to that. So really going to DAO is not some big tragedy.

Do the girls know about the sibling rule - I think that will have a big impact on how they react and move forward.

Twin B can surely understand that she won't get into a school, even if she wants to, without sitting the test to get in. How did you handle it at that point in the conversation? If you said " don't worry Twin A will get you in," then I think you need to work hard to undo this idea, it's a dynamic that's bad for both of them. Twin B really should have sat the test and viewed schools she could get into without Twin A. Managing expectations is a hard, but important, part of parenting.

Similarly are you telling A that she should go to the school to get her sister in? If she went to DOA, what would you tell her were the reasons? A white lie about it being a better fit, not getting into HBS etc would be better than telling her it's so her sister could get an unfair leg up.

I think at this point it's less about which school and more about how it's handled, otherwise there will be so much resentment brewing.

The sibling link is there for PRACTICAL reasons - so that a family doesn't end up with 3 kids with 3 different half terms, or having to pay through the nose for breakfast and after school clubs because two parents (one of whom probably works for longer than school hours) can't be in 3 locations dropping off small kids at the same time. If twin 1 gets to HBS so twin two doesn't have a sibling link to DAO, that's FINE, because they will be 11 and will presumably be independently travelling to school anyway. Do the choices ENTIRELY separately for each child.

I think if you put DAO first in October you keep it that way. You cannot now put HBS first and make Twin 2 a late applicant for second and 3rd choice schools. All you could do is leave it until September and game the system, let Twin 1 & 2 start at DAO and then try and get into HBS. Or wait to see if DAO will let Twin 2 stay a sibling if you go on the HBS list “late” later on. Because if you change it now for the sake of Twin 1 you are also damaging Twin 2’s natural position if they had been an on time applicant.
If you moved recently to London and none of above applies then obviously ignore.

This would also teach an important lesson that family is more important than individual achievement.

Though in a highly individualistic and atomised society it's not valuable of course.

Twin A has her heart set on HBS and has worked for the place, she should have the opportunity to study there.
Twin B has her heart set on DAO but won’t be offered a place on her own merit so needs to accept that she’ll go to a different school if twin A chooses the school that suits her best.

I think you’ll be doing Twin A a real disservice if you don’t allow her to go to the school she really wants too. Twin B will be upset but in time will hopefully understand that they are individuals who have to make their own best choices.

A friend of mines oldest child passed the DAO exam so her subsequent children were able to attend without taking the exam. One had special needs and it really wasn’t the best place but that child was sent there to keep a place open for the younger siblings- it was really unfair for the SEN child who then didn’t have a peer group, his happiness at school was sacrificed for his siblings education which was really unfair.