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Original poster

Daughter hating year 7

105 replies

AllGonePeteTong1 · 27/01/2025 21:54

DD has been increasingly withdrawn the last few months. I had put it down to hormones but she broke down tonight and confided in me how much she hates her new secondary school. It's the local comp that is very well regarded, ofsted outstanding, well behaved kids in an affluent area. All her friends have gone to the school with her so all should be fine.

But things haven't been great from the start. She has found it incredibly strict, with detentions given out for the most minor offences (eg forgetting a book). She doesn't like a single one of her teachers because 'they're always shouting or tellling us off.'

She's also struggling a bit with the work, mainly because she says she finds it so boring (despite being a very engaged and good student at junior school). I also think the constant underlying stress she feels isn't conducive to learning. There is no bullying or anything like that - she's assured me on that.

I'm not sure what to do. She's started saying she doesn't want to go to school and even said she'd like to go to another one. She is adamant that I can't speak to her teachers about it and 'make a fuss'. She made me promise I wouldn't say anything.

Has anyone been in this situation and if so how did you handle in? Any teachers that can help advise on the right approach to take (potentially) with the school?

I hate seeing my previously happy, engaged girl so miserable 😞

OP posts:
tsmainsqueeze · 27/01/2025 22:21

AllGonePeteTong1 · 27/01/2025 22:08

I contacted her a few weeks ago to ask if the heavy discipline was going to ease off at bit as it's seemed overkill. She sent a very polite message back but it basically said no and that she'll have to get used to it.

I think i would start looking around at other schools , some of these 'strict' schools put far to much pressure on decent well behaved kids , it must be like walking on eggshells all the time wondering what trivial thing will be the cause of the next detention.
It must be very demoralising for lots of kids , i understand how difficult teaching must be but i do think some of these schools have some very strange ideas.

Original poster
AllGonePeteTong1 · 27/01/2025 22:08

I contacted her a few weeks ago to ask if the heavy discipline was going to ease off at bit as it's seemed overkill. She sent a very polite message back but it basically said no and that she'll have to get used to it.

OP posts:
Littletreefrog · 27/01/2025 22:03

I may be off the mark here but by any chance was she one of the 'star' pupils at her primary school?

Often children who were popular with teachers in primary find secondary tough when they are just one of many pupils and the teachers dont have the time or inclination to give them too much attention.

It's just with you saying she is with her friends and there is no bullying.

If that's the case it will get better with time as the teachers get to know her. Has she joined any clubs etc?

OrangeBlossom28 · 27/01/2025 21:57

DD1 is a secondary teacher and Y7 form tutor. Some of them do find the transition to secondary really tough so it's definitely worth speaking with her form tutor. They might be able to speak to her other teachers and find out more about what's happening there.

fanaticalfairy · 27/01/2025 21:55

Have you spoken to her form tutor?