Where do we stand on girls not being allowed to go to the loo?

We have had to close our newly renovated toilets this week after someone stuffed toilet paper so thoroughly into each toilet and then flushed them that they flooded the whole toilet and the corridor. So that's why we don't have unfettered toilet access. Because noone wants piss and shit in their classroom.

I think it's unreasonable. I also had ridiculously heavy periods when I first started too and really struggled to manage them at school. I think you do have options like properly pursuing it with the GP and doubling up products available: period pants with tampons or a cup.

I’m a secondary school teacher. We can let students go if they’re desperate and you get pretty good at telling if they just fancy leaving the classroom or whether it’s an actual emergency. I usually say they can go but need to stay to make the time up at break/ lunch - say 3 mins or similar. Those that really need it agree and 9/10 I wouldn’t enforce the 3 mins but it does sort the desperate from the trying it on lot.

oh @sonnunny that's horrible.
after all the hard work youngsters and parents put into the 11+ to get into grammars (including moving) you would expect better.

I work in an all girls grammar

I think it's shocking. My DDs are in a school which has 100 minute lessons, only two breaks throughout the day, and toilet passes issued only with medical evidence.

can any parent with children in private schools or grammars say if this is happening in their schools?
those schools with smaller intakes ie boarding schools can the children go to the washroom ad lib?
or is this a throwback to workhouses and abuse of the poor?

We've had kids vandalising the toilets, bullying, vaping and most recently taking ketamine amongst many other things. That is why many schools have these rules.
We now have one set that are open during lessons for pupils and are supervised. The rest open at break and lunch with staff on duty.
Some pupils absolutely take the piss and spoil it for the rest.
Oh I forgot when a pupil tried to set them on fire by lighting a loo roll - that was a fun day

The reality is the toilets are vandalised, students end up vaping / smoking, self harming and ODing and even sexual assault on the extreme end. They messaged around and arranged to meet their friends there at X o'clock. In a high school they are often a trek from the classroom.

It's quite normal for girls with heavy periods that require medical intervention and anyone else with a medical need to get a toilet pass from the pastoral team and then whilst most toilets are locked during lesson time there will be one or two left open in most schools. Whilst I don't agree I do understand the issue so ensured my DD got a toilet pass.

My child's school will let them go in lessons if they need to although they encourage them to use break times, but she uses some very absorbent period pants that last the whole day at school even on the heaviest day.

My periods were super heavy too, and my daughter is 13 and has had periods for a little over a year and so far they are not nearly as bad as mine were. So your daughter may be OK too @JandamiHash.

They are much heavier in the first couple of days though and she definitely finds it better to use period pants and a pad. Just a bit of extra security. She also uses just period pants in PE, when she feels self conscious about the pad. The wuka ones have been great, much better than modibodi. She uses reusable pads too and we got them well in advance and she always had them in her bag so she felt prepared if she did start in school for the first time. She was lucky though - it ended up being in the holidays.

Good luck!

PS any contact from Amanda on the school run this week?!

I think it's pretty unfair for both genders. My son had a persistent UTI for months. that took a long time to clear. It's inhumane denying anyone a genuine need to use a toilet really.
My experience of my first periods were just small smears of blood and everything was very light... I don't recall being aware I was having it until I used the bathroom anyway. The gush urgency is something I didn't experience until I was an adult who'd had kids. But then some jobs make it hard to clock out for the toilet too I guess?

Schools with strict toileting rules usually have toilet passes and period passes. Tell her not to worry, 50% of the population have periods and just because yours were heavy doesn't mean that hers will be too.

How do you filter through what's a legitimate reason to go / someone just wants to skive?

They don't need to go in to detail but saying 'woman issue / personal issue' quietly to the teacher is okay no?

Also embrace your periods! Nothing to be ashamed of / be embarrassed about!

If she does have periods that heavy, when she starts, I would think about taking her to the gp. Ours has been really helpful.
In the meantime, period pants as a backup, pad on top and encourage tampons as soon as she wants to.

I do not think they should have to disclose when they're on their period though. It's private.

I don't have DC in secondary school age but I can't comprehend in any universe how a woman bleeding / child with IBS / random spout of diarrhoea / UTI etc would be denied a toilet break? That is unlawful and frankly (especially in the case of menstruation) discriminatory.

I would ask the school to clarify the process.

I agree that allowing kids to get up and go whenever they want would be 1. Disruptive and 2. Would allow them to go off and loiter as opposed to learning but there are cases where if they need to go, they need to go.

Being devil's advocate though, once your DD gets her period and learns how to manage it (you get a feel for when you may need to change pad etc), she should be comfortable enough to do it during her designated breaks. Those first few periods though, especially if she comes on randomly while she's at school for the first time - that needs to be excused.

The trick is to go to the loo at every break. And only have a huge drink at lunch (sips in between classes).

I found that between some classes, you’d not have a long walk and there was a loo in every block so I’d pop in between lessons. Being a minute late due to a toilet visit wasn’t ever punished in my school.

My dd is in a girls school where there’s very much a “get on with it” attitude unless you have a problem.and then they are fabulously supportive.

I do think it’s important for your dd to know she can manage her period as part of her everyday life. She shouldn’t feel nervous about needing the loo!

You could also work on some kegel exercises, if she isn’t managing to hold her bladder during class - is she wearing very tight waistband or tights?

The nerves may be making her feel an urge to urinate, and that becomes a vicious circle.

Oh and period pants, obviously.

You are basing your worry on hearsay.

Ask the question of the head of year. Just email them.

I think they should be able to go but in the meantime she can double up on protection. Tampon/Maximum strength pad + period pants etc...

Would wearing period pants give her some peace of mind in the meantime?

Most schools offer a 'toilet pass' for these sorts of issues, which your daughter can use at any time during class. Unfortunately, allowing all kids access to the toilets throughout lessons results in severe disruption as well as some very serious incidents. Children are, by and large, expected to go between classes and it's not unreasonable to expect them to last 55 minutes unless it really is an emergency.

You can talk about this to the head of year and put something in place for your daughter if she has issues. Schools are not trying to punish children with these policies but there has to be a level of supervision and class control.