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Original poster

Did I make a mistake choosing DD secondary school!

34 replies

Newmoon8 · 13/01/2025 12:30

DD is currently in year 9 and has an EHCP due to a mild/ moderate developmental language disorder. I spent quite a bit of time researching, reading and asking for opinions about school. We chose a school further away, 50 min door to door.

It is a girls school. We chose it as it seems like a nurturing school, behaviour mostly ok and we felt she will get the best support there.

DD has not been entirely happy since start of year 9; she feels the commuting is not worth it, feel a bit left out as all the girls live locally. She feels there is nothing exciting going on at school, eg international trips, the feels is an ok school but doesn’t really excel at anything.

As parents we don’t hear much from the school; the reports a bit useless, have no clue what her targets are and what levels she is working at. I think there is one person in SENCO for 400 girls with additional needs. We do chase the school but they appear understaffed, overwhelmed. They do seem to have lots of people in the office as every time I call someone different answer.

It is an 8 form school.

I feel a bit down and like I made a mistake sending her there. There is an outstanding school near by, but it is coed, occasional disruption in class and quite strict so didn’t feel it was right and that she wasn’t ready at 11 for that big move,

There is another where her best friend went to massive coed school; excellent music, arts, drama; however the feedback is that there is basically no support for kids with additional needs; they are completely overwhelmed. I think the school is good if your kids is excellent at something but not so good for the rest.

Thanks for reading. I got it off my chest

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mistyfields · 14/01/2025 11:48

Most secondary schools will only send those out at certain times, once a term normally, and they are meaningless anyway.

Original poster
Newmoon8 · 14/01/2025 11:25

I despair. I just received a letter in the post from current school about attendance as it is 93%.

All they seem to be worried about is attendance and uniform. That is the majority of communications.

I am so disheartened about this school. I think even if I chase them every week to ask for targets and level she is working at they are not going to send them. They just don’t have them.

My daughter told me that there is lots of students movement, people leaving and joining. I am not sure if it is the school or they move house/country.

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Original poster
Newmoon8 · 14/01/2025 10:10

mistyfields · 14/01/2025 09:22

Honestly, I don’t think secondary schools generally are very good. I’m a secondary school teacher so I’m not damning my profession, it isn’t individuals, it’s a system I’m critical of.

I am coming to that conclusion myself

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mistyfields · 14/01/2025 09:22

Honestly, I don’t think secondary schools generally are very good. I’m a secondary school teacher so I’m not damning my profession, it isn’t individuals, it’s a system I’m critical of.

Original poster
Newmoon8 · 14/01/2025 09:06

mistyfields · 14/01/2025 08:33

I wouldn’t move her. I think it would be very disruptive and the outstanding school doesn’t sound great to me.

It is a lottery, isn’t it?

I worried a lot about secondary schools. They are so big, resources limited, teachers have to deal with all sort of behaviour, needs, etc so I spent hours reading, researching, asking for opinions, visited school twice, etc.

DD1 went to a private school from year 7 to 11 as we were too far from the good state school; she enjoyed it there and did well; she is now at the local state outstanding sixth form which is working for her; but she did say that a few days ago they had to ask one of her teachers to go and support another teacher in the lower years as the class was out of control. The Sixth form is fine though and not disruption, and they are really on top of things, eg kids needing interventions, etc.

DD2 didn’t get into the private school and her needs and wants are different so we chose what we thought was best for her.

hopefully she will get into the school that start in year 10 as I think it will suit her best, but if she doesn’t I will have a serious conversation with her on whether she wants to move to the local coed outstanding school or stay up to year 11 in current school; counting the years 😅

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lakesandplains · 14/01/2025 08:56

I know schools are under resourced and you feel at some points like you're torturing teachers but your dd is clearly at a stage where you need concrete info to make good decisions and it is going make her life harder and be stressful if she ploughs exams and you weren't prepared.

lakesandplains · 14/01/2025 08:55

That's the thing - it sounds as though this school looks good on paper but in actuality they've been awful if you can't even get accurate info.

I'd hesitate to move her to another good on paper school whatever the rating is unless I could discuss and get assurances that the areas she's struggling in would be helped.

Can you go to your local MP and council? Is there any local SEN parent group - you won't be the only one that's had issues with this school I bet - ask what they did.

I've seen friends in similar situations get a horrible shock when their dc fails all or nearly all exams when the school feedback has been lacking and at the level of 'fine' and then, their next stage is usually to suggest your dd gives up on any exams she's not had a pass in.

Regardless of where she is you want to get ahead of that old game by any and all means as you still have time to head that off.

And don't be overly reassured by tutor feedback as both of mine can do more at home in a calm setting than they can potentially replicate at school.

mistyfields · 14/01/2025 08:33

I wouldn’t move her. I think it would be very disruptive and the outstanding school doesn’t sound great to me.

Original poster
Newmoon8 · 14/01/2025 08:31

lakesandplains · 14/01/2025 08:03

But you need to find out how your daughter is actually doing to know where she's needing extra support don't you? I'd be really concerned at her age not having accurate info on how she's doing in her subjects.

Correct. The commuting is one issue but the real issue is not having accurate information of what her targets are and what level she is working at. I keep chasing the school but don’t think they have this info from what the SENCO said.

I will chase the LA as no having much luck with the school

She needs to move school this year no matter what.

What sort of reports do other people received?

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lakesandplains · 14/01/2025 08:03

But you need to find out how your daughter is actually doing to know where she's needing extra support don't you? I'd be really concerned at her age not having accurate info on how she's doing in her subjects.

Original poster
Newmoon8 · 14/01/2025 06:51

EdgarAllenRaven · 13/01/2025 23:17

Yeah I would call the local Outstanding school. See if they have a space and also what their SEN provision is like

Thank you. I sent them an email but have received no reply yet. I will give them a call

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EdgarAllenRaven · 13/01/2025 23:17

Yeah I would call the local Outstanding school. See if they have a space and also what their SEN provision is like

Bramshott · 13/01/2025 15:23

No harm in looking around other schools and considering a move if the school is not working out for her. No need to wait until Y10 if you feel the other schools would be better and they have space now.

redskyatnight · 13/01/2025 15:03

Newmoon8 · 13/01/2025 13:45

Commute is 10min in the car, 20 on the train, 15min walk after train. We drive her to the station and pick up from station

That's an awful commute. Probably the worst of all worlds in that she can't even do it independently and there are lots of different sections. (And I suggest is nearer an hour by the time you've factored in a late train and some contingency).

It doesn't sound like the school is actually providing any benefits to make this commute worthwhile, so, if your DD is keen to move, I would definitely look at moving her. Yes, the school might be no better, but it might be that a change will be good, and having 2 hours extra a day and closer friends will be hugely beneficial to her.

Original poster
Newmoon8 · 13/01/2025 14:56

Thank you. I always feel a bit bad knowing how badly staffed and resourced states are. I am going to make my task chase every single week until I get what we need.

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OhCrumbsWhereNow · 13/01/2025 14:50

Newmoon8 · 13/01/2025 14:12

We had a call with SENCO and I sent them an email this morning copying in the head of year. The head of year confirmed receipt but really nothing changes.

They promised things likely additional tutoring paid by the school but they don’t materialise.

We do have annual meetings but the LA has not been involved; and last time I called them they took awhile to find her records; she was lost in the system.

I will start chasing and copying the LA but I am loosing hope in the system.

It took me quite a few emails and attempts to get the meeting last week with SENCO.

Do I need to call/ chase both every week/day?

Edited

IMHO and experience - yes. Squeaky wheel gets results.

You do not need to be friends with the SENCO, you need them to deliver for your child.

lakesandplains · 13/01/2025 14:47

Surely regardless of moving or not, you need detailed feedback on how she's doing on her subjects? You could make a poorly informed choice to move her based on not knowing this...

I'd be pursing that to death and once I had it and compared it with what her tutors say, then you'd be in a position to think about next steps such as a move.

With SEN, knowing where they're at accurately is problem 1 surely? Sounds maddening - I've been there a few times.

clary · 13/01/2025 14:31

That commute time is wild unless I am misreading! Drive train and walk, 50 mins total, to move six miles? She could cycle it in 30 mins (I mean that may not be practical but still). 20 mins on the train even a local train where I live gets you about 20 miles. Can you not just drive her the whole way in 15 mins? I realise that’s not the main issue tho

Original poster
Newmoon8 · 13/01/2025 14:12

We had a call with SENCO and I sent them an email this morning copying in the head of year. The head of year confirmed receipt but really nothing changes.

They promised things likely additional tutoring paid by the school but they don’t materialise.

We do have annual meetings but the LA has not been involved; and last time I called them they took awhile to find her records; she was lost in the system.

I will start chasing and copying the LA but I am loosing hope in the system.

It took me quite a few emails and attempts to get the meeting last week with SENCO.

Do I need to call/ chase both every week/day?

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Webbing · 13/01/2025 14:04

i might be picking this up wrong but the issues you mention not are not conflicting with the original reasons you picked the school except for the lack of contact. Trips etc might be something that could come via her hobbies? Not all pupils take part in these even when they are on offer. Maybe before making a final decision you should make an appointment to visit the school and have an in person conversation with the year head or whoever is best suited to give you feedback. As girls mature their what they need from a school changes and perhaps you had sound logic when you made your original selection.

Bluevelvetsofa · 13/01/2025 14:02

If she has an EHCP, you should have an annual review. Particularly important at transition times and Year 10 is the start of Key Stage 4. That is certainly when you should get information on current progress and meeting targets, as well as setting new ones.

Bear in mind that another school may not have the same option blocks as the one she’s at, so you may want to think about a move ( if you do move) before options are chosen.

You also nee

Original poster
Newmoon8 · 13/01/2025 14:00

HPandthelastwish · 13/01/2025 13:55

No school is perfect.

I'd look at broadening her horizons outside of school. She's old enough to join cadets now, even if she has no interest in joining the forces they are fantastic for week long adventurous activity trips in the UK, sports competitions, overseas trips (I went to Gibraltar, some friends went to Cyprus). She'll increase her friendship circle outside of school. Community projects, DoE, learn to fly and get Pilots license if she joins Air Cadets, I image similar for watercraft for sea/Navy cadets if you are close to water.

Thanks. That is a good idea. Will look into it.

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Original poster
Newmoon8 · 13/01/2025 13:59

She was mostly happy in year 7 and 8 but I guess the novelty passed and the commuting and not having local friends is taking its tall.

For us as parents we still don’t know or will not know where she is academically. We pay for math, science tutoring and will probably add English.

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HPandthelastwish · 13/01/2025 13:55

No school is perfect.

I'd look at broadening her horizons outside of school. She's old enough to join cadets now, even if she has no interest in joining the forces they are fantastic for week long adventurous activity trips in the UK, sports competitions, overseas trips (I went to Gibraltar, some friends went to Cyprus). She'll increase her friendship circle outside of school. Community projects, DoE, learn to fly and get Pilots license if she joins Air Cadets, I image similar for watercraft for sea/Navy cadets if you are close to water.

Original poster
Newmoon8 · 13/01/2025 13:55

clary · 13/01/2025 13:47

Ah so that sounds like quite a long way. Are you perhaps quite rural? Again where we live that commute would take you to a school in the next big city which would be unusual tbh. What I mean is, if you did that commute, I am pretty sure you would be the only child at your school that lived in our city.

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No rural, school 6 miles away but big city

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