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Original poster

Solely state educated to selective 13+ boarding school - is it worth it

34 replies

TJW13 · 22/12/2024 13:55

Hi, my DS has been offered a 13+ place at a selective, very sporty public school following a very competitive process. We haven’t told him yet that he’s been offered a place as we are grappling with whether or not this is the right thing for him and us as a family - he has been solely educated at state schools (in middle England catchments). We’ve never considered privately educating him but due to his love and talent for sport he has been asking to try for a place for the last couple of years - he wants to balance his sport with his academics. He’s happy at his state secondary but feels he’d do do much better both academically and sporting at private school.

Looking for advice and experience from parents who have been through this or children are friends with the state school child - what are the pros and cons? Would you do it again ?

OP posts:
Original poster
TJW13 · 22/12/2024 14:46

@MigAndMog We just want to get other parents perspective who have been where we are and how it turned out. Whether we should or shouldn’t have applied isn’t what we are asking.

OP posts:
Original poster
TJW13 · 22/12/2024 14:40

@NewNameNoelle We are not a wealthy family (not poor either - we will like many others sacrifice to pay the fees) - my biggest concern is that he will feel less than the more wealthy children. We didn’t do any prep for the process as we wanted them to see him for who he us etc. We just want the best for him and hoped to get reassurance from parents that have been where we are etc.

OP posts:
NewNameNoelle · 22/12/2024 14:26

I don’t understand the hesitation: he’s very keen to go, you’ve all invested time in a very competitive process, he’s been offered a place, it’s day not boarding so less of a change. Now isn’t the time to be questioning the move.

Is there a particular doubt you have or concern?

The schools are good at picking the right children, they don’t want anyone to be unhappy or unsettled. He excels at sport and they have specialist provision that he wouldn’t get elsewhere, and he wants to go. What’s holding you back?

Ubertomusic · 22/12/2024 14:26

MigAndMog · 22/12/2024 14:10

I think the time to say no was at the application stage. By letting him apply I think you now have to let him go if he wants to.

You only know the actual offer details later in the application process and there may be something unexpected in it so it's not that black and white irl.

MigAndMog · 22/12/2024 14:22

TJW13 · 22/12/2024 14:13

@MigAndMog I don’t agree

He's been asking you for a couple of years and presumably put his heart and soul into a "very competitive" selection process, what are you going to tell him? Which option will be better for your relationship with him? I know kids who were successful in a competitive 11+ exam and parents still decided not to send them so I guess some kids understand and accept that. Personally I couldn't do it and my child went from state to private having been successful. Of course you don't have to agree with me but you asked for opinions.

Original poster
TJW13 · 22/12/2024 14:13

@MigAndMog I don’t agree

OP posts:
MigAndMog · 22/12/2024 14:10

I think the time to say no was at the application stage. By letting him apply I think you now have to let him go if he wants to.

Original poster
TJW13 · 22/12/2024 14:09

If he was to go he’d be a day boy however the school is run as a full boarding school as only 20% are day pupils and there is no flexi or week boarding. He’d be completely integrated into a boarding house - with only thing him not doing is sleeping there.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 22/12/2024 13:58

I tend to be very anti boarding BUT in a few cases it can be solely for the benefit of the child and this may be one.
How does he feel about the possibility of not living at home?

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