Shouted at daughters bully

Good grief...This is awful.

I'm appalled that a parent of a vile bully would attack the child victim for telling an adult about it.

What on earth is society coming to? Ferals.

My son {a man now} paid privately for a vasectomy as he is adamant he doesn't want to bring children into the society we have now.

So my mom did this to my bully and they did leave me alone after 😂 my mom is a bit of a hard nut and did say get your parents to talk to me if there's a problem and I'll tell them everything you've been up to, they never did!

It’s not the police or the “rough” parents I would be worrying about, but more the video circulating on social media and adding fuel to the bullying. I have often seen children become laughing stocks because of their parents being recorded on social media for the most minor things, let alone shouting at a group of kids. I would talk to the head of year as soon as possible so they can get ahead and stop the video being shared if necessary.

Or even better ''Move area''. Like people have a few hundred thousands {or millions if it's London} in the bank to move to a ''nicer area''.

OP I have done similar. In fact, I did worse. I chased down one of the kids who had got my son on the floor in the park and had gone through his pockets! I then told him that should he go near my son again I would knock his mother out. I did worry afterwards that his mum could be a 6 foot MMA fighter but I can hold my own despite being just 5 foot 3 and nothing ever came of it. The kid never went near my son again but sadly it didn't stop others. My son is now home-schooled due to the impact it was having on his mental health, he's also autistic so perhaps that makes him more vulnerable to this kind of longstanding abuse.

This was after he'd already been subjected to a long campaign of bullying, complaints to school, governors and switching schools! When you've exhausted all avenues and watched your child suffer with, seemingly, no one giving a fuck then things like this will happen.

I agree with others saying to approach the school with what has happened, they can keep a closer eye on your daughter in case this has a knock on effect.

After my dgc was bullied and parent complained to the school, my DD was beaten up outside the school by the the parent of the bully, for complaining!
The school gate/playground is a very different place from when I was a kid.
If you feel the school aren't adequately dealing with the bullying, go to the police.
But ultimately get looking for another school.
A word of caution though, if the next school isn't too far be prepared for friends and relatives of original bullies to take the baton and run with it 😔

I would report the interaction to the school. I would also ask the school while they have failed to manage this so far. It's not good enough on their part.

The problem is that the girl was on the path at the time while you were in the car, so this is going to look like an unprovoked verbal attack.

Are the school aware of the bullying?
If it were me I'd contact the school this morning to make them aware before the other family do. tell them that you acted out of extreme frustration and emotion but the bullying has taken its toll. Admit that you should've handled it better but then ask school what they can do to support your daughter.
If they don't offer support then I'd move your dc.

You did absolutely nothing wrong, maybe the school and/or police will ask questions as to why you said what you did. This situation needs bringing to a head and sorting. If you had attacked her (tempting as it maybe) that really would have been a different story.

I’m the same age and was mouthy but parents and adults would have made me wary.

I dont condone shouting at children and expecting them to cower in terror. However, when dealing with this situation I was shocked that tweens were openly aggressive to me as I passed by (without engaging).

It's funny how the parents won't take the slightest bit of notice about whether what you've said about the bullying is true.

Immediately they are on the defence and it's you at fault.

I know you're never to confront a child (teen) but when you see the heartbreak it's causing your kid it can take over you.

I think I'd have done the same.

I don't want to make you feel shitter op but that was a really bad move and was very unlikely to result in an improved situation for your DD. Although I do have a huge amount of sympathy for you and your DD. I agree with a pp...if you can change schools, I'd do that

I was once threatened with a pen knife by a kid in school, I was year 5 so didn't really register how serious that was, went and told a TA, I was on crutches as well so extra vulnerable. My mum was then told, at school pick up she went up to him, also a year 5, and whispered menacingly "if you ever threaten my daughter again I will make your life hell" 😂 he was expelled.
I wouldn't feel bad, I understand your worry though especially as the kids have clearly learnt that behaviour from their parents, I would approach the school first and explain what happened and try get ahead of it. Then hopefully seek some justice for your daughter so the bullies behaviour can be checked by school

children do not seem to have the fear/ respect for adults that older generations would have done.

I don’t know which previous generations you mean but I do remember this backfiring spectacularly on a parent when I was at school and I am 44 now, so the best part of thirty years ago.

@ByGentleFatball it isn’t about being a different type of parent to you because you’re somehow superior. It’s more about recognising that however much I’d like to think I have a menacing, ominous sort of persona which will quell terror into the heart of any child I meet, I don’t. I am a fairly ordinary, slightly overweight mother who stands at five foot three and is unlikely to intimidate or frighten anybody over the age of six.

If you DO look like Tyson Fury you shouldn’t be chasing after kids and if you don’t, it’s unlikely to do what you want it to do, it’s as simple as that.

This is a wider point but I also think it’s not great for our children to see it as something worthy of screaming and chasing after people, it’s better to treat it like a fly buzzing in the house - annoying and you want to get rid of it but not important.

Agreed it is advice given lightly and may not be very easy to achieve.

However, the only thing that helped my daughter was moving schools.
I did everything right, worked with the school, begged the school, reported the school and all the time my daughter’s well being was being ripped away.

I was so scared my child would end herself and wish I had moved her much sooner.
She is happy now but permanent damage has been done to her.

OP, I don’t blame you for doing this, it is appallingly difficult to stay calm when your child is being needlessly and cruelly targeted.

Unfortunately, I doubt it will help, children do not seem to have the fear/ respect for adults that older generations would have done.

I woud wait and see it might all calm down. I presume the other girls were there - maybe they woudn't be pleased with the police knocking on their door to ask about the event - their behaviour is bound to be mentioned as part of a bullying girl gang, how will their parents behave. Are they going to believe 5 against one is fair and that you and your daughter are the bullies - I doubt it.

Because you'd rather let your child be bullied than stand up for them. I'm just a different type of parent to you. I'll try the right channels but after that, I'll confront the bully and the parent on my terms.

I see parents who would let their child live in terror and shane over risk getting themselves in trouble because they're so frightened of people thinking badly of them. More frightened than they are of their kid's poor mental health.

Oh give over. Everyone has a fierce urge to protect their kids 🙄 We just don't all live in an episode of Shameless where we sink to the same level and turn up as a mob to threaten people on their doorstep.

OP, moving schools is good advice if you have that option open to you. If this girl is chasing your car then she's clearly out of control. She's not going to be brought into line by the authority of the school and clearly she doesn't feel that her parents will reprimand her either. You've also just unfortunately given her lots more ammo to throw at your child, although I understand the emotion behind your outburst.

I wouldn't worry about the police though. If it happened as you say here then you haven't assaulted her or threatened her. I'm not sure what they would be wanting to speak to you about.

This. It was an idiotic thing to do but it's happened. How did you think they'll react, oh ok thrn well behave ourselves now?

If that's all you shouted then I can't see you getting into trouble for it - as long as you weren't threatening and intimidating them.

I think you may have given them more ammunition against your daughter though unfortunately.

I agree with the poster who said get ahead of it and speak to the school asap this morning.

I'll terrify any kid that tries to harm mine when proposed channels have failed

Do you also tell your children to hit back if someone hits them? Because that always makes things better doesn’t it?
Admitting that you're ok with terrifying children isn't the best parenting move you can make. All it means is that you become the bully.

It’s teenagers, not five year olds. Most teenagers, especially in groups, aren’t going to be intimidated by an adult, if they ARE intimidated by an adult then it’s gone too far and if they aren’t, you’ve just made yourself look like a bit of a wally (said ‘nicely’ and not trying to have a go.) It also has the potential to escalate to a point where it’s difficult to manage, so let’s say you intimidate and scare a thirteen year old and her mum is furious and stops and intimidates and scares YOUR thirteen year old and then …

It really is not a good way of dealing with a problem. None of us like to think as adults that we’re a figure of fun but to kids we often are. A woman getting out of her car and shouting at a group of girls is unlikely to be frightening. I think a lot of people believe their very presence is somehow menacing and conveys a ‘don’t mess with me’ sort of persona and in most cases it doesn’t. What are you actually going to do? Because if you’re not going to use physical violence and I’d hope not then all you’ve got is standing around yelling which isn’t massively effective.

Depends who you are and what you say. If you say stupid things that they'd never believe, then yes. If you genuinely make them fearful because they are unsure how far you'd go, then most children will burst into tears on the spot.

The reason you tell the school first and wait and see what they do is because then you can tell them that they didn't do enough and you had to safeguard your child. Believe me when I say they will not want that to get out and will protect you too.

Some people are okay with their child experiencing prolonged bullying if it means they stay out of trouble. Not me. I've seen what bullying can do to a person over a lifetime. I'll terrify any kid that tries to harm mine when proposed channels have failed.