If you heavily tutored for 11+ but didn't get into a super selective...

This is what happened to us. I didn't realise it was a "superselective" only that it was a grammar and difficult to get into.

My DD is bright and academic and I assumed with prep she'd get in, but sadly not. She was up against children who did hard core prep daily. Similar to other posters, we did regular prep but also let her have a social life/go to scout camp etc.

Also, she has a September birthday so this counted against her.

We were disappointed, but she got over it really quickly and she wasn't at all devastated. We praised her for effort and after the test took her on holiday (before we got the results).

Most of her friends didn't get in, the only one who did spent her free time constantly in tuition.

We got a pleasant surprise when she got a place at a fantastic nearby comp for which we would normally be out of catchment. There is a lowering birth rate in our area, starting with her year of birth (2012) and the impact over the years on all schools has resulted in widening catchments. You might find you are pleasantly surprised too!

My middle son got into grammar school with very little tutoring. He just "got" non-verbal reasoning etc. my youngest son got way more tutoring but didn't pass the 11+. He was too much of a "plodder" and didn't finish the questions. However he absolutely flew high at his comprehensive school. The tutoring filled in all the gaps in his knowledge re maths and English. He found the year 6 SATS easy in comparison! This put him into the top sets at secondary school. He actually ended up doing better than my middle son in his A levels and he is now at a good Uni studying maths. He's a natural hard worker. So failing the 11 plus did him no harm at all!

I'm puzzled. Are the parents who pay hefty private school fees not aware of the difference between correlation and causation?

This is a common situation in London - the majority of private schools are the same cost regardless of results. If people are going to part with £35k/year they are now less likely to want pay this amount for a mediocre private school that gets the same results as a state school.

If they are going to pay £35k inc vat then they will be more likely to apply for a school that gets better results than state so the super selective will see an increase in applicants and hence harder to get into.

I'm not following @roses2 results for money? The more selective the school, the better the results, right? But how does that determine if it's a good school or not? It seems stupid to "pay" just for selective?

If she wants to do the exam then let her but don’t make a big deal out of it and go easy on the tutoring. Consider doing it yourself with past papers and Atom rather than pay a tutor. We took this approach and have no regrets. DS learnt exam technique, got into top sets.

What helped is his friend who sat all the 11+ exams with him also didn’t get in. He was tutored heavily from Year 4 and his parents are still bitter. If your daughter is likely to participate with a friend who will get in then maybe reconsider and don’t apply for the same schools.

Something I have noticed is applicants for the super selective schools are up and the mediocre schools down. People want results now for their money which means those schools with 600 applicants last year will probably have 650/700 this year. Good state schools also have more applicants meaning their catchment has shrunk. How confident are you that you’ll get your first choice state?

If your kid is good enough to be competitive for a selective school then they will automatically go into top sets at the comp without any tutoring.

I would say, set your dc's expectations correctly. Make sure she understands its difficult, but you never know. Also, that the extra work put in will not be wasted, as it will put her in a strong position for secondary. But, I believe in letting the dc try if they want and supporting them with what is necessary. TBH I think if a child is willing, let them, but you need to also let them know how much effort it goes into being successful.

The benefit of extra tutoring means she'll go into the top sets at her good comp if she doesn't succeed. That's worth it alone IMHO but be prepared to continue with support and hard work to keep her there.

We tutored our DD for the 11+ and did lots of practice papers. We didn’t go in as heavy as others do because this wasn’t the right thing for our family and DD loves all her extracurricular activities, play dates etc. We didn’t want it to take over her life, or ours. She didn’t make it through but she’s okay about it because we didn’t make it a huge thing.

I was disappointed but I don’t regret our decision to go for it because we’d always have wondered what if and I genuinely think the tutoring has improved her confidence and helped her prepare for secondary, wherever she goes. She’s doing brilliantly at school, loves learning and is no way scarred by the experience. She is so relaxed about SATs and is going to have an easy, fun Year 6.

Heavily tutoring is something only you can decide on. It will of course increase your chances of getting in but will have a family impact and increase the heartbreak if it doesn’t work. I’d say whatever path you choose, just make sure it doesn’t become the be all and end all for any of you. It’s very easy to become consumed by it, especially when other parents are talking about it constantly. Cancel out the noise and do what’s right for you and your family.