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Original poster

Detentions as a punishment

507 replies

SweatyLama · 04/10/2024 20:40

I didn't grow up in the UK, but my children were born here. This year, my DS started secondary school for the first time, and I discovered that they have a system of punishments in place. Is this a common practice in all state schools in Britain? I really don't like this system ( I mean punishments) and find it degrading and outdated.

OP posts:
Phineyj · 06/10/2024 11:23

Unemployment is low in this country. Under 4%. We have noticeably ungenerous out of work benefits compared to the rest of the OECD which no doubt keeps this figure low.

We do have high levels of economic inactivity.

And a mismatch between what schools teach and what employers sav they need.

I'm not sure any of this can be laid at the door of school sanction systems though.

Sanguinello · 06/10/2024 11:23

SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 11:13

and you missed my message that I don't consider my school as a model, and one of the reasons for emigration was the education system. I don't want my children to study in my country.

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Ok. Just say to your ds that a detention is just sitting in a room and not to be feared. It's an inconvenience but not something to be frightened of. I said that to my dc (now 17 and 20) and they've barely ever had a detention. Eldest had one breaktime one for about 15 mins I think. Elder dc definitely needed a lot of support at home with organisation, although she got there in the end.
When you said you were asking friends what happens if they don't attend detention, I wouldn't advise that as schools don't just let it go.

Original poster
SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 11:17

Sanguinello · 06/10/2024 11:02

Ok, sorry. Yes I did miss it. I've got a Russian friend and will ask what she thinks about the two systems next time we meet up.

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as far as i know, now in Russia there are also no punishments for being late and not doing homework. The school tries to stimulate doing homework through marks and mainly through working with parents. I don't think it's right and effective.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 11:13

Sanguinello · 06/10/2024 10:31

OP I think there's a reason why you've repeatedly refused to say what country you are from/holding up as a model in education. It's obviously not because you think it'll be identifying as you are hardly going to be the only person in the UK from that country.
I think it's because you know if you said where it is people would either be able to point out that the schools they know there are not quite as you've described or they'd be able to point out the negatives of the education system there.

and you missed my message that I don't consider my school as a model, and one of the reasons for emigration was the education system. I don't want my children to study in my country.

OP posts:
CaptainOhMyCaptain · 06/10/2024 11:02

SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 10:29

It is difficult to imagine a situation where a child in a family of adequate parents who respect and accept their child would become part of a bad crowd whose principles contradict the principles of the family.

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Oh man….how old is your child???

Sanguinello · 06/10/2024 11:02

SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 10:52

I wrote, you missed it.

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Ok, sorry. Yes I did miss it. I've got a Russian friend and will ask what she thinks about the two systems next time we meet up.

Longma · 06/10/2024 10:58

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Longma · 06/10/2024 10:57

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Miffylou · 06/10/2024 10:57

You are very naive.

Longma · 06/10/2024 10:56

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Longma · 06/10/2024 10:54

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Marblesbackagain · 06/10/2024 10:53

SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 10:49

You don't know what is happening in family, where children make sush a choice

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Actually we do know a lot. Significant research is undergone in third level institutions at PhD level continuously.

Original poster
SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 10:52

Sanguinello · 06/10/2024 10:31

OP I think there's a reason why you've repeatedly refused to say what country you are from/holding up as a model in education. It's obviously not because you think it'll be identifying as you are hardly going to be the only person in the UK from that country.
I think it's because you know if you said where it is people would either be able to point out that the schools they know there are not quite as you've described or they'd be able to point out the negatives of the education system there.

I wrote, you missed it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 10:49

Marblesbackagain · 06/10/2024 10:31

And yet it happens every single day.

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You don't know what is happening in family, where children make sush a choice

OP posts:
Longma · 06/10/2024 10:46

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Original poster
SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 10:45

clary · 06/10/2024 10:24

Exactly what I was thinking! Even in my worst lesson, I didn't have as many as 25% of the students sent out for poor behaviour.

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don't forget it was a school in a really bad criminal area. There were 30 people in our class and 5 people would sit in the lobby from time to time. when they came to class they would sit quietly, i don't know what they were doing, i suspect they were just sitting. it was y10 and y11. 3 of them were drug addicts. 2 others went to college. I don't know the statistics of the other 8 classes that were in the same school with us.

OP posts:
Anonym00se · 06/10/2024 10:44

SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 10:29

It is difficult to imagine a situation where a child in a family of adequate parents who respect and accept their child would become part of a bad crowd whose principles contradict the principles of the family.

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Maybe they’ve moved to a new area and the child is keen to make new friends? The bad crowd may have been welcoming towards the child. Children do not always make the best decisions.

Or perhaps the child has experienced a trauma and is acting out?

Maybe the child has ADHD and is behaving impulsively.

There are countless reasons why the children of loving, supportive parents can go off the rails.

Longma · 06/10/2024 10:43

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LynetteScavo · 06/10/2024 10:43

@SweatyLama - I never really needed to punish my DC ) and they're certainly not ones who were afraid to push boundaries Grin) Natural consequences always seemed to do that for me. I would ask them to go to their room if their behaviour was getting out of hand so things didn't escalate, but it wasn't a "punishment".

Longma · 06/10/2024 10:40

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Original poster
SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 10:32

menopausalmare · 06/10/2024 10:18

I thought the whole point of this thread is that you disagree with punishment?
And now you support it?

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You are drawing the wrong conclusions.I ask you. What are your reasons for not using punishment?

OP posts:
Sanguinello · 06/10/2024 10:31

OP I think there's a reason why you've repeatedly refused to say what country you are from/holding up as a model in education. It's obviously not because you think it'll be identifying as you are hardly going to be the only person in the UK from that country.
I think it's because you know if you said where it is people would either be able to point out that the schools they know there are not quite as you've described or they'd be able to point out the negatives of the education system there.

Marblesbackagain · 06/10/2024 10:31

SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 10:29

It is difficult to imagine a situation where a child in a family of adequate parents who respect and accept their child would become part of a bad crowd whose principles contradict the principles of the family.

Show quote history

And yet it happens every single day.

Original poster
SweatyLama · 06/10/2024 10:29

Anonym00se · 06/10/2024 09:45

Define ‘punishment’.

If your teen got in with a bad crowd and was drinking very heavily/taking drugs, how would you deal with that, after the gentle parenting and therapy hadn’t worked? They’re stealing from you and their siblings. Are you saying that you wouldn’t ground them or stop their allowance?

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It is difficult to imagine a situation where a child in a family of adequate parents who respect and accept their child would become part of a bad crowd whose principles contradict the principles of the family.

OP posts:
clary · 06/10/2024 10:24

noblegiraffe · 06/10/2024 09:13

I think you are making some interesting and important points, OP, especially as you have seen a punishment-free system work elsewhere.

But she hasn't. A quarter of the kids at school were receiving no education. That's not an education system that is working.

Exactly what I was thinking! Even in my worst lesson, I didn't have as many as 25% of the students sent out for poor behaviour.

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