Eton for one child, nowhere for another - what do you think?

Lots of people have mentioned picking the right school for the right child and some have experienced having one in independent & one in state and that that was fine. I totally get that as we did exactly that for a couple of years with our DC.
Eton, though, is such a different experience that I think it has to be considered differently. Your DS1's norm for 33 weeks of the year will be so totally different to that of the rest of your family. At the same time, his norm at home with you will be different to many of this family. Some children handle it. However, there is a real risk of someone becoming "other" in both their family and their peer group.

I’m always surprised when people talk about “connections”. I know a few people who went to public schools - DH is one - and they have no contact with school friends or school friends’ parents at all.

In that position I would keep them both at state school and aim for Oxbridge. The demographic there is much more mixed than Eton and opportunities broader.

Mine are in a mix of state and private. You could always even things up for your younger son by covering more of his uni fees? He may not even feel that way; mine aren't bothered.

They can both attempt the entrance exam and scholarship criteria. If one gets it and the other doesn't, then they both had the same chance.

I know several people who went on the type of scholarship the OP describes from a similar background and they had a good experience, which surprised me. They have to be very very good to get it so perhaps that is respected.

Do you know anyone who has gone there?

I wouldn't put my child in the position of being the poorest person in a school that is so well known for its elitism and snobbery.

Through work I have to be in touch with several Old Etonians and they are elitist, entitled and titled. It's a different world.

The younger brother will access the connections via his brother. Obviously diluted, but it’s not without benefit for the child that doesn’t go.

I'd be worried this would set up life long resentment from the youngest to eldest. Eldest would make so many fruitful connections that younger ds will just never have access to. They'll live totally different lives by time they're late teens

Be guided by what your son wants and what would be best for him.

I would be more worried about the emotional damage to your older son from boarding at Eton than your younger son's envy.

Keep both your sons with you and spend money on activities and tutors for both.

I wouldn’t.

Give your children the same opportunities, from which they can choose to springboard onwards. Going to Eton will be like one winning the lottery and one not. It will change him for life (or go badly wrong).

It’s not like nurturing one talent - eg a flare for tennis, music, maths. It’s a whole different class (literally and metaphorically).

This choice may mean the brothers are not close, not friends as they grow up, have little in common, and even resent each other.

Is it worth that? When as he’s bright he’ll do well anyway?

Look into it carefully, my dds friend a year older got a full scholarship to a public school (not Eton but a famous one) and the parents were faced with large bills for the not included items including hundreds for various compulsory uniform items, second hand was not possible for most things, trips, other extras, transport every 3 weeks home at times when she should have been working (she was self employed so no income then) and they had to say no to all the optional stuff. They suggested my dd try too but none of the girls schools or coed offered suitable scholarships then.

Just apply and worry about it later goodness me. However bright he is, it's no guarantee. You have two very bright kids and are willing to send them to board, you have a lot of options. Christ Church has already been mentioned, but there's tons.
As long as both have equal opportunities to get the same than I don't understand why you're worrying ahead. It's not like you're paying for one and not the other.

Also a third or whatever it is for Christs Hospital!

Where has this advice come from?

in general I would say you have to pick for the individual child but I think Eton and RI state school is such a gulf that it will damage family relations. My aunt still resents my mum as she went to a ‘better’ school than her.

I wouldn’t be happy if I was the older child and this was passed over

Might your younger son qualify for a scholarship to another independent school?

Another vote for CH. There's a lot more taken into account than just academics and the kids are from a really broad and diverse intake.

Definitely worth trying to get a bursary for Eton - he may not get it anyway.
If he does get a place, bursaries can be 110% - which covers fees and extra costs (for that poster wondering how people afford the extras).
Who has been giving you advice? Bursaries are different to academic scholarships. You don’t have to be academic to qualify for a bursary. You have to be unable to pay the fees. Sometimes children with bursaries have a particular skill (music, sport etc), but it’s more about improving diversity in schools. We have quite a few siblings with bursaries at our school. It’s worth trying.

Who has advised you about this bursary for Eton?
How much will you have to pay for which isn't covered?
Will your second child, only a year behind, feel resentment about his brother getting such immense privilege?.

Do the best you can for each child. I had one at independent school on a bursary and one at state school. The one at state school did better in exams because she's much more driven!

Personally I would pass on Elton for the eldest. If he is super bright he will do well anywhere alongside your obvious support and encouragement. The differing education for them both would just be too big a gap to navigate as a family and could set up a lifetime of resentment and family dysfunction.
Your children are both bright no doubt due to nature and nurture. Let them grow their own wings in their own way. Eton is just a very fancy school at the end of the day and it can't bring your son up in the same way as you have been doing so successfully.

Mine are in a mix of state & private according to their needs. It's never been an issue here.
Let DS try for a place.

Have you looked at Christ’s Hospital OP - a broader demographic than Eton and more generous with bursaries so better chance of taking both boys?