Eton for one child, nowhere for another - what do you think?

Are you saying that a fifth of boys who go to Eton are from modest backgrounds?

Boris Johnson went to Eton on a scholarship. Look how that turned out.
Bingo!
Nicola Sturgeon went to state school. Look how that turned out.

These people with dough can smell the unrich at twenty paces. Whatever connections you think he might make from it, he likely won't because he is not one of them.

1 in 5 boys at Eton have full or partial burseries so that’s nonsense.

Ditto, mine are one school year apart, I couldn’t do this, it would tear apart the family with long-term resentment.

I also say try Christ’s Hospital for both.,

Have you asked their opinions? I would have HATED the idea of boarding. I don't think you can hold one back if he really wants to try though.

Have you asked the younger son where he would like to go?
I have twins - one goes to a private school due to her sen needs....the other goes to a local school and that is what he wanted / wants. He likes walking to school and hanging out with his mates....did not want to go private - in fact I used to threaten him with sending him private to motivate and improvement in grades.
Personally, I can't see how you can tell a child with a scholarship they can't go there because their sibling is not bright enough to go too.
Does your eldest want to board at Eton? Are you sure he even wants to go?
Your youngest might dislike the idea of boarding anyway.

This is so tricky.

Here are things I think you need to consider. For context I have a DH who was super bright and got into Oxford at 14 (took place at 16) whose parents didn't actively try to find what was right for him academically when he was a child. He just took A levels at the local tech.

I also have a DS (less bright, but still bright who went to an Eton equivalent for three years 13-16 and then to a local day private sixth form).

1. Think about the effect of your decisions on the sibling relationship
2. Bear in mind you're going into teen years when peers and peer relationships become more important. DH still has friends from that time and they are very different intellectually, always have been.
3. Be skeptical of the promises you hear from e.g. housemasters. what they promise you or tell you is probably based on the good relationships they have with some boys, and not the more difficult relationships they have with others. Matron can be a key figure too. There's staff turnover too.

My Dad got a scholarship to private school. Went on to a good professional career, nice house, put his kids through private school, multiple foreign holidays a year, you name it. Same for one of his brothers. His other brother wasn’t as academic and has never really held down a job, and recently narrowly escaped prison. Always borrowing money from my Dad and anyone else he can.

Why would it have been right to hold my Dad and my one uncle back because of the other uncle? I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for the opportunities my Dad got.

Personally I’d never consider Eton due to ethos. However Christs Hospital school is another matter and accessible for children like your son

www.christs-hospital.org.uk/about-christs-hospital/

I was going to say the same.

Who said he would be likely to get in? I think that is a really random comment unless from a very specific source. By all means try, but I would not be putting a post up like this just yet!

I don't know anything about Eton, but doesn't it start from Y9? In which case, where are you going to send him for Y7 and 8?

Well I wouldn't. I would send them both to the best I could that wasn't private and suffocatingly expensive. There will be tonnes of extra costs associated. How do you explain to your other son that you cannot do X y Z because of the fees? I think it would really breed resentment.

that's true, I've heard kids in this situation often see themselves as being sent away while the other child is "kept" and therefore more loved

Eton for one, eBay for the other.

Terrible idea, IMO. There are loads of excellent private schools with scholarships - Eton is not the be-all and end-all for a successful life (and nor is Oxbridge).

I would also seriously consider moving to an area with a much better state school and get your oldest into eton still or equivalent.

My brother went to private school and I went to a below average state. He had reduced fees because our dad worked there.
We had very different childhoods and opportunities and there was definitely resentment. We are still friends though.

I wouldn’t look at is as paying for one child, because you’re not. One just happened to get in by his own merit. Not letting him go seems very unfair. However please have a very good look at all private schools. He may not actually enjoy Eton. Any good grammar options for other ds?

The footballing analogy doesn't work, because it's a very specific sporting skill.

OP Is this a social experiment?

How old are they now and who told you this?

Would he enjoy being at a high profile boarding school? Could he get a complex about being one of the poor bursary kids who couldn't afford the ponies, the skiing, the sailing, the long-haul holidays? Might he even resent being sent away to school whilst his brother gets to stay at home with mum and dad? There is a lot to be said for treating your kids equally, and if he is that gifted, he will do well wherever he goes to school.

My brother and I are from very solidly class backgrounds and both went to a private school (though we didn't board) on massive scholarships. I absolutely hated it - I think it has given me the enormous chip on my shoulder I have today - but we were both successful academically so I can't in any way say it was the wrong choice.

It depends on your eldest son's personality really. Does he want to go there? Will it bother him, being around all these super-wealthy people?

Do whatever makes him most happy. And the same for your son within the scope of what is possible. You can't disadvantage one child to make it fairer. If one of them was brilliant at football and the other was only average, would you insist the one who was brilliant didn't pursue his footballing career because it was unfair on his brother?

Life isn't fair.

What are you going to do with your eldest in years 7 & 8 until he is old enough to go to Eton? The application process takes a couple of years and how would he get the support he needs? We know someone who got a place whilst living overseas and it seems to have been challenging doing it independently as their knowledge was very different to many applicants.

It's what Dominic West's mum and dad did. Read a few interviews etc and see what you think.