Eton for one child, nowhere for another - what do you think?

we are thinking about applications and testing

The OP’s son doesn’t yet have a place. And most applications to the school are unsuccessful.

Not everyone who is offered a bursary (after rigorous and intrusive investigation of their home and finances) finds it is at a level that makes attendance feasible. And the school can withdraw an offer of a place if they decide the parents cannot afford to pay.

All that said - it is completely normal for boys at the school to have siblings attending other schools. (Brothers as well as sisters.)

This is true, one can always find something to get upset about. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Not sure, why Eton is the only option here, does your son have an offer? If not, I would let him apply to a few places and see what happens. I would give your second son the same chances to apply to a few options and see what happens. Both given same opportunities then.

I think, get Eton out if your head, find a school not based on a scholarship offering but find somewhere your son will settle in and thrive. Eton bedazzles, but there are loads of other good schools, oaid for or not, to choose from.

A friend of mine her son got a free place to a snazzy famous school in London. Free included bus and uniform. His sister continued at the state school. It wasn't an issue.
Life is rarely fair
My sister is late 50s and still resents I didnt go to boarding school and she did.. there's always something to grind your axe about..

I guess we have different experiences. I also dislike Sherborne Girls school. These are my opinions and you’re welcome to disagree but they are based on stories from private school teachers and knowing families from those worlds. I love that you think nepotism has disappeared, sadly you’re rather naive.

I read an article last year where a state educated adult really resented the privately educated sibling- but this was because parents paid. I think you can be very clear that there is no favouritism. Denying a child this opportunity (which he may well not get) would leave all sorts of what might have beens later in life.

What nonsense. Have YOU visited Eton?

All this talk of contracts for the future and private jets.

Complete BS.

Im no fan of the place myself but the misplaced fantasy of networks and ‘contacts’ is so outdated and wrong.

Companies hire ‘clean’ today. You don’t put your school down. Just your grades.

Most people that go to PS are normal people without ‘networks’ im one of them. Got all my jobs myself, never called on ‘old contacts’ for anything. Most of the people I went to school with didn’t amount to much. Like most people who go to PS.

The only place I see advantages to going to Eton seems to be if you want to be a Tory and become an MP.

There it appears to have some relevance but for the rest of the jobs in life you need to jump through massive hoops these days and you can’t name Eton on a grad application.

So stop with this idea of networks and contracts it’s a load of BS.

Boris Johnson has done a real shit show of a job on tarnishing all private schools.

And at Eton currently there are 100 boys on full 100% bursaries and 20% of the school receiving support. I can’t imagine they have private jets.

@ReadingSoManyThreads oops there's the tag!

I agree with your point about not denying one sibling one opportunity because of the other sibling. However you cannot compare your friend's situation to this. One child going to private and the other grammar are not the same as Eton vs state school. Some seem to view grammars as 'state' but they are not in the same category. Grammars are still seen as privileged education of the super selected to most people. My uncle sent 3 kids to independent and one to grammar and the kids felt no difference as both seemed highly favourable. For OPs DCs the difference will be life changing. Whether that's something OP is willing to risk that's up to her. Depends how she presents it to both.

My sister got a full scholarship at a posh private school and I went to the local state comp. I didn’t like my school but I never felt jealous of my sister as I think I would have hated that school even more.

Eton?! Where half (?) the last Tory shit show went to who brought UK to the brink?!

I think you can do better than that.

Just let him go to a local school where he can make friends that he can hang around with, as a child or a teenager.

He would be better prepared going to a prep school until 13. That’s why this post is a little odd. Why Eton? Is dc already at a secondary? It’s a RI school but is it a primary? The op talks about fee remissions for scholarships at other private schools but not bursaries. They won’t all disappear. However the bursary places at Eton are like gold dust.

Eton doesn't start till y9 so presumably both DSs will go to an ordinary state secondary for y7&y8. Let both try out for scholarships/bursaries if they wish but be clear that anything less than 100% fee remission means they can't go. DS2 will probably decide for himself not to go for it but don't make the choice for him, be encouraging and supportive if he wants to try, but make sure he knows that no one's value as a person is measured in academic prowess.

(DH got a 100% scholarship to an ancient private school - not Eton - his little brother didn't but his talents are in creative arts and music rather than academics. Both of them have quite complex and quirky personalities so it's difficult to know whether this history contributed to their general screwedupness but there's no resentment between them for the very different paths their education took)

I know dc who went to Eton. Old money but no private jets! Boys often just find like minded dc to be friends with. It’s a big school so no shortage of friends. Lots of people don’t splash cash like that and are much more discrete.

I find this thread so odd. What kind of "requires improvement" state school would recommend a specific class of boarding school, maybe a specific boarding school seemingly in another part of the country, for one of its pupils?

One sibling boards whilst the other lives at home is a much more fundamental difference than the relative academic standards

I think for someone with no friends or family at a similar place, Eton and nearly all of its pupils would seem utterly ridiculous.

Very few kids at Eton get all their fees paid. Almost half of the ones who do are sixth formers. The average bursary is about 70% - paying even 30% of a set of Eton fees is easily enough to pay one set of regular local private school fees and at the bottom the of the market make a pretty decent dent in two.

Have you visited Eton? You couldn’t pay me to send my child there. It’s mostly about contracts for future and honestly, your family won’t be of the same league. Ds will see his friends getting private jets and you won’t be able to afford butlins. I’m not anti independent schools in general but there’s others that would be a better fit.

I think probably old Oxford is tarnished to some extent.

I say this as a privately educated person myself. the private School education system has been grossly unfair to state school children for many years and been far too biased. It helped create Boris Johnson after all.

Yes power corrupts. Have you read Lord of the Rings? It’s a good starting point.

No I’m not a fan of St Paul’s either.

I don’t think it’s “unlucky”

I think Eton encourages its pupils to think they are superior.

And his cronies like Cameron and Osbourne.
@Mabs49
Osborne went to St Paul’s so that’s another tarnished school for your list.
Are state schools exempt from tarnishing even those which may have a disgusting Tory MP amongst their alumni?

Yes, yes, no.

@Mabs49 is it only public schools which are tarnished in your view?
What about Oxford? Loads of Tory politicians went there - since everyone is fed up with Tories then Oxford should also be tarnished.

Do not send one kid to private school and one to state, this will cause resentment for years to come

And yes I’d be embarrassed to say my DS was at Eton. It’s become an embarrassing name in my view. Unlucky for them that Johnson went there. And his cronies like Cameron and Osbourne. The bullingdon club. It just reeks of patriarchy.

To some extent I feel private school has had its day in the U.K.

Its becoming so expensive I can’t see it lasting so well now.

Given that Oxbridge now take between 60-70% state school educates children and rightly so, and RG unis are also changing quotas im not sure what PS offers so much these days.

If you go to PS your grade offer will often be higher than local state school.

That along with the likes of Boris Johnson and Sunak and even Blair, it sits uncomfortably with me these days.

I have two at PS but they are both SEN and I think probably this is one area that should remain.

each to their own and all that. This is just one opinion.

Who on earth chooses a school based on politicians who went there! Look at the report that’s in the public domain written by an Eton master about Boris Johnson. Basically that the Eton rules didn’t apply to Boris. They had his number back then. Plus what about all the decent people who did go to these schools? My DD knows a few old Harrovians. All really decent men.

I think they do know the bursary scholars but they admire them. I think the bigger question is getting in from a state school. Bursary dc with scholarships at preps look at these places keenly.

Yes, yes, no.