Eton for one child, nowhere for another - what do you think?

Some old timers here over the years asked me where is my Old Etonian son now. I'm proud to say he's a medical doctor now, having spent 6 years in a London medical school breezing past each year and qualifying in 2017 with distinction. Note there's no classes of degree in Medicine; you either pass or fail.

He did opt for a year out in the 6-year course doing another degree when he earned a BSc First Class (Hons) as well as his MBBS later. So it's all thanks to Eton for a rock solid foundation for medical school.

The Holy Trinity indeed is right here again after a long absence. How's everyone doing?

First off, the Mumsnet username acceptance is a load of rubbish; I posted a message successfully earlier on and using the same username now (ExEtonParent) it wouldn't allow me in. As you can see here I'm now "ExEtoParent". Marvellous!

As everyone knows, I'm an ardent cheerleader for Eton. Undeniably, I feel we owe Eton a tremendous lot for everything the School had done for us although Eton never asked for a repayment, quite unlike other benefactors when they offer to help. For this reason alone among many others, my support for Eton is indefinite.

So OP, I strongly suggest you go for it and don't hesitate to ask for bursaries whenever you need help.

Although there are people with much more recent experience of family members receiving huge bursaries at the school in question. They post constantly with informed up to date information and experience. Up to readers if they want to take any notice, or not …

🤷‍♀️

This is spot on. .
My BIL went to Eton and his sister to the local comprehensive. He wasn't on a scholarship or bursary, it's more that the parents couldn't afford to do the same for both at the time. The siblings had vastly different educational experiences but remain very close.

There used to be a regular poster with username @peteneras and also @nightvision (I think the same poster, but maybe not). Their DS won a full scholarship to Eton and had a wonderful experience- might be able and willing to give you a view based on experience, @ThatJadeDreamer

I would give anything for a place in Eton.

My son has got an offer and 100% bursary and everything else covered, for Sept 2025 (Year9).
We are just a normal family living in East London.
Thank you. Your comment is encouraging.

I dated someone once whose brother went to a prestigious private school on a scholarship. He went to state. He used to joke constantly (which never felt much like a joke) that he was the “stupid one” and that his brother was clever. He had parent issues too.

I have no idea what the right answer is, but if you choose for one to go down this public school road, you’ll need to work hard to make the other not feel stupid or not good enough!

I also think going to boarding school on a full scholarship probably doesn’t do much for your self esteem (feeling poor or different or out of step?). If he’s that clever and doing that well at state, why move him? He’ll succeed anyway.

Do what's best for both boys based on their academic skills. It'd be a shame for your oldest to miss out on such a fantastic opportunity just because his brother isn't as clever. You also said your youngest wouldn't like the same school as his brother. Ask both boys their opinions on it & go with what feels right for both of them individually.

If older child gets in on full bursary. Why not put younger DS in for the exam. He might surprise you but also then it wasn’t you giving preferential treatment . You effectively offered it to both. It just wasn’t suitable for DS2.

I can understand your brothers resentment because your parents chose to pay for a better education for you but not for him. In OPs situation, she wouldn’t be paying for either child’s education. However, that’s not to say there wouldn’t be any resentment still I suppose

Have a chat with both children. See how much they understand about the situation and what do they think about it. If they don't quite understand, explain the best you can and try an open conversation.

I'm not saying is their decision by any means but perhaps it will help understand how to your younger could potentially feel.

Myself & my sister went to different schooks, private and state schools; there's no grudge, we both got what we wanted and do do well and most importantly remain friends.

Spanned the merger!
Horsham definitely the better experience.

Hi,

Horsham! And you?

Hello fellow CH alumnus? Hertford era or Horsham?

This is a tricky one as there are bound to be resentments on the part of your two DSs whichever way you choose to go, if not now then at a later stage. The elder one may feel he has been held back from achieving his potential if he is offered a scholarship but doesn't take it up (though a very bright child is just as likely to succeed outside the 'public' school system and may have other life experiences which he wouldn't get in a more cloistered environment); the younger one may resent it if he doesn't get the same educational advantages as the elder.

Not quite the same situation, but we had similar dilemmas over our two DDs. We had chosen to send both to the local comp, but in Y10 the elder one became so acutely unhappy that we hastily moved her to a fee-paying girls' school with a good academic record. She loved it there, made lifelong friends (she's now 32), and now has a very good, fulfilling career. We wanted to treat both DDs the same, so when it was DD2's turn (6 academic years' difference) we put her in for the same school and she was awarded a scholarship as she was more academic than DD1. But she was never happy there, and although she performed very well academically she chose to leave after GCSEs and go to 6th Form college which suited her much better. She's since gone on to get a 1st class degree and a Masters. I don't think we exactly made a mistake in sending her to the same school as her sister as she admits she probably wouldn't have been happy at any school, but it's worth considering that there is more to a fulfilling school experience than academic achievement.

This probably doesn't apply to your situation, but my DH's 3 children from his 1st marriage (all grown up by the time he started his 2nd family) never had the opportunity to go to fee-paying schools, and one of them (who is now nearly 60!) still feels aggrieved... Not that it's held him back, as he probably earns more than my two DDs will ever do in less well-paid professions.

Difficult.
I don't have boys but if I did, Eton is absolutely one I'd target for him. IMO it's one of the best boys schools in the country and if my son had the academic ability to get in, I'd not hesitate to send him, if that was what he wanted.

Given your second son is also bright, you could try for bursaries for other public schools for him, eg Christs Hospital as several others have mentioned. At least they would have similar uniforms!

but you’d need to research that.

Well, no. If the OP’s son is encouraged to take a specific state school scholarship, the school will discuss the financial commitment with her. They won’t offer a scholarship it is impossible to take up. As mentioned several times in just this thread, expenses above the fees can be covered by the school.

(Ridiculous to find myself advocating for that particular institution - but, again, the objections raised here are mostly based on total lack of knowledge, so …)

Will you be able to afford all the associated costs of a child going to Eton? I'd imagine there is a lot of expenses that most families there wouldn't bat an eyelid at but that your family may find a blow Agree you definitely need to look into this. I went to Christ’s Hospital, so as it was a means tested charity status school, a lot of the extras were covered. I’m not sure that would be the case at a school like Eton, but you’d need to research that.

There are a few really excellent state boarding schools - academically rigorous but much more affordable so possibly both boys could go.

I was a very academic child, and my parents sent me to private school after being advised to by my state primary school teacher. I wasn’t on a scholarship because my parents didn’t even know they existed so didn’t apply, but I likely would have got it as I was in the top handful in my year.

My (older) DB went to a state school. He hugely resented it and still, I suspect, does even 30 years later. My parents got him moved to a better secondary school than the default option nearest our house, but that wasn’t enough for him.

I loved my time at school and am so grateful to my DP for the financial sacrifices they made to send me there, but I paid a big price as regards my relationship with my DB.

My sister got a scholarship to a private school as a day pupil. This required catching three buses each way but my parents considered the opportunity worthwhile and this was in the sixties so she never had much say in it.. I went to the local grammar school as I wasn't as brainy as her , but never resented her going private and much later she told me that she didn't particularly enjoy the experience and would have preferred to join her friends at grammar school

Judging by Eton's alumni l wouldn't send my son there.

Try for a good day school.

Totally unreasonable, showing you don’t give a damn about your child’s future!

I'm sad at people on here think that Boris Johnson is the way he is due to an Eton education. Boris was Boris before he ever spent a night there,

If your son has a shot at a fully financed education which includes required uniform and kit, I'd say explore the opportunity. Furthermore, Eton isn't the only interesting school in the UK and there are other more academic schools if you're looking Europe-wide. Depends what suits...

If successful, your son won't be the only child there being assisted financially by the school so if you're concerned about disparity, perhaps arrange to have a chat with another bursaried student when you visit; I'm sure they would be delighted to reflect on their own experience. I strongly suspect however that Eton will have that situation fully covered without prompting.

I would argue that being fair here means recognising and respecting the fact that your children are individuals and what suits one may be awful for the other.

You're not talking about whether to spend significant cash on one child and not on the other, this is soley about opportunity. Fairness is your support for an application to a school, which by bursary or by being a state option, is a result of the child's choice. So DS2 may not be Eton bursary material but precious few are. There are other schools who offer means-tested full bursary assistance and take the most able children. DS2 may however come through open days and decide he'd rather go to the local state school with his existing friends. Being fair is respecting that.

I went to public school and my sister chose local state school. We're still the sisters we were and most importantly, each of us recognises that we would have suffered in each other's schools. School experience, particularly a boarding experience, obviously shapes everyone, but blood is thicker than education.

Give yourself permission to follow up the opportunity if it's what your DS1 chooses and best of luck going forward. :)

Could you consider State boarding schools like Holyport College? Bursaries are available for boarding costs, no school fees & sponsored by Eton. A more diverse crowd…