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Original poster

How to motivate Y10 child with no ambition

33 replies

Moneypennywise · 16/09/2024 00:37

My partner has his daughter EOW and 50% of school hols but has limited contact in between (her choice). She has just started Y10 and is apparently expecting to get a 4 for maths. Her subject choices also seem pretty random and have already eliminated many options/pathways (combined science, art, Spanish, media studies, drama) - apparently she hadn’t received any advice on subject choices even though she could have done say, computer science, triple science etc. She says she wants to go into film studies but doesn’t show any particular passion or aptitude (e.g. building a portfolio).

I’ve bought her maths revision guides and workbooks to try and support her study. I’ve even offered to tutor her in maths to help pull up her grades (her mum isn’t good at maths and doesn’t take an interest in her studies, and she absolutely refuses help from her dad). She’s made half-hearted attempts to do the maths work but is well behind schedule and instead spends excessive amounts of time on TikTok etc. I’m torn between just giving up on her but I feel like it’s not too late to do something before she permanently closes off even more options. She seems willing to cut off her nose to spite her face (e.g. saying she’d rather fail than have me take credit for her doing well in maths) and apparently she’d rather stack shelves than study harder for a better-paying job (or at least more choices).

Any Y9/10/11 parents with advice on how to motivate or talk some sense into her? Is this a lost cause? I know it’s really her parents’ responsibility but I feel like I’m watching a car crash in slow motion.

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 16/09/2024 06:59

You sound completely misguided about what a student with her predicted grades should be studying, so firstly, chill out and stop pushing. You don't really know what you're talking about.

Don't try to 'motivate' her, just be kind, supportive and caring and let her find her own motivation.

TeenToTwenties · 16/09/2024 06:58

I would investigate (or rather get your DH to) 6th form & college options and grade requirements.
If something takes her fancy she will be more motivated to meet those requirements.

unkownone · 16/09/2024 06:56

She wants to get into film studies…why computer science and stressed about maths! The more you push the worse it’ll get. Drama and media studies sound great. My DD is a drama kid. Just passed her other classes and hers were random classes of things she just liked. She topped drama. Now at a performance school and in the top of that. They do filming at this school too and she has found she loved that. These schools go on audition basis and not on school results. I’d encourage her with film editing or something like - even tik toks tell her how great her creativity is etc. My other kid is year 10 and I’m following the same path only this one has no idea what she wants to do. No pressure from is. Some kids find their path and drive a little later when they get an idea of what they want to do.

cansu · 16/09/2024 06:55

She is not interested and probably won't get any mire interested until she hits year 11 and realises her choices are limited as she won't get the score needed. There are many kids like this. I think if you were her parent I would be encouraging you to continue to try and help but it will likely only lead to resentment. Her dad should be pushing her to work not you.

Octavia64 · 16/09/2024 06:50

Agree with the others.

If she's looking at a 4 in maths triple science and computer science are not appropriate.

Most schools for GCSEs options put students on a "pathway" - so students who are u likely to do well at gcse might also do entry levels and BTECs alongside GCSEs, others will be allowed to choose triple.

It's a rare school that lets students just "choose" most are strongly guided into subjects they will perform well at gcse in. No school wants bad gcse results.

Very few y9/10/11 students are self motivated to study. Some students have a strong routine of homework and possibly tutoring that their parents enforce and help with. In year 11 more do study due to panic.

If you are setting homework and tasks and she's doing even some of them she is more motivated than most.

bergamotorange · 16/09/2024 06:50

You need to discuss with her parent. Where is her dad in all this?

If your DP gave her no guidance there's nothing to be done now about the GCSE choices. If your DP isn't encouraging her to study it'll be unlikely she'll listen to you.

I'd focus on supporting her generally but accept her how she is. She has said she doesn't want your help - respect her.

TeenToTwenties · 16/09/2024 06:43

Triple science and computer science may not be appropriate for a student expecting a 4/5 grade in maths.
You say 'no guidance on options', but presumably your DH discussed things with her?
Is it low ambition, or just a not very academic child who hasn't found their thing yet?

stayathomer · 16/09/2024 01:01

Hopefully she begins to get motivated but I’m sorry you need to relax- she may have an interest in film studies but not be running to do the associated work. Were you into study as a teen? Some people really aren’t and while obviously it’s better she starts getting down to it you can’t study for her! There’s no such thing as a lost cause, even if she doesn’t do well in exams she has endless paths open to her. I think you can nudge/ help but extra maths books etc are pointless, she has the material from school.