Y11 2023/24 thread 5 - results!

That sounds like a good set up. CAMHS here is overrun, when a friend's child was at crisis it was a three month wait for the crisis team. I'm glad that is so much better where you are. DD1 missed her GCSEs in 2020 due to COVID and found A levels really stressful. She coped and got the grades she needed for university but she chose a degree course with continual assessment rather than final exams, which is a relief to us all!

@Philandbill
There seems to be a good set-up here in that there's a school-based referral into a CAHMS scheme which is set-for these kind of issues. Already been triaged and accepted over last 2 weeks, been sent some info and assured that once back at school there will be some face to face I put within school time and potentially out of school too. Apparently it's been more of an issue with this year group than usual and the teachers think partly because the year never did year 6 sats so now looking at coming across their first real exams

It's really hard when they are so stressed. DD1 found exams really stressful. We paid for some CBT counselling as she'd never meet threshold for CAMHS locally. It was financially painful but worth it, and I do appreciate that might not be an option for you. Do school offer in house counselling? The school I work for pays for a counsellor once a week but there is always a waiting list.

Thanks @Tebheag
And others that have helped...yes she does have a good activity she does loads of outside school so will keep up with that and she has asked re going to the gym with friends so will look into that too

@Darkbutstarrynight does your DD do any clubs etc out of school?
My DD year 9 struggles not self harmed but nails bitten right to finger tips have to keep treating them as had a couple of infections and making herself ill with stress had lots of time of last year. Thank you @Countrylife2002 will check her diet next time as she does eat a lot of gluten at times. Last year I got her into competiting at Athletics and it made a big difference was hard at start but after a while she stopped worrying if she was in top places this has also transferred to school exams too. Got another friend who enrolled her DD in a cross between boxing and box fit which has helped her.

😂 I love fabulous ties. I have bought DH many over the years that he has filed in his wardrobe never to be seen again.

Unfortunately DS has to wear a school tie so perhaps he'll opt for rebellious white socks instead - at least until someone notices and tells him not to. He's not much of a rebel really!

@Waspie my eldest got round the boring coloured suit issue by opting for a rather fabulous tie!

Thanks @Stoufer

@Wehaditsogood Next have one suit in extra long but in three boring business colours. Hopefully it will do the trick! .ASOS also have washable cheap suits in their tall section.

In a way it's quite good having a specified uniform as it does get around the issue @Zonder describes.

Thanks for suggesting Next. DS also needs suits for 6th form and all I asked is that they are washable. He is also tall and thin.

We have received the instructions for results day. In person at 10am. The week before will be long.

No uniform here and I'm dreading it. DD will be flapping around saying she has nothing to wear within a week.

DD self harms and had anxiety in some lessons, I’m not sure the exams were really to do with it, I think for her it was more other stuff (abusive boyfriend). I don’t have any tips - we got her private counselling as unfortunately CAMHS didnt take on the referral.

Next suits are great for sixth form as they wash well :)

@Darkbutstarrynight - no advice I'm afraid as my DS, at least so far, been okay, although he didn't have year 10 mocks. He was really stressed before the first set of mocks in November (though nothing on the scale your DD is experiencing) and it did get better after this . I do hope you and daughter get through this

DS' new "uniform" is also business suit with the sixth form tie. Sports kit is needed if he gets into one of the teams. I'm putting off trying to buy a suit for a 6'5" skinny 16 year old because I'm not looking forward to the shopping trip. I think Next may be my saviour here (not words I've used before!)

@Darkbutstarrynight my experience is that the anxiety got better after the first set of mocks. DD was a right mess before them and her anxiety even triggered a gluten intolerance (now the exams are done she can tolerate some gluten). She lost a huge amount of weight and looked awful. But she managed to do a decent amount of work and did ok and then her anxiety dropped to a manageable level. The build up to y11 and the first mocks was def the worst period for her.

she also struggled with the y10 mocks and did badly in a couple of subjects, which I was able to get her tutoring to cover, the teaching had been non existent for science so I felt I had to.

She panicked about how to revise but once she found the methods that worked for her, she got better. There’s an app she found really helpful for the exams and some of her friends used it too —it’s called Flora and it’s a focus app.

@bluefineliner
Thanks for that. We are trying are best with the reassurances etc but just so concerned that if she's struggled this much with the Mock Mocks at the end of year 10, going to be a long hard time for her through the year, real mocks and actual exams. School been great so far and put referrals in place who have already contacted me with support to start from September so hopefully it all helps

Hi, I don't have experience of DD self harming but she has put a lot of pressure on herself this year as she sets herself very high goals. It has been worrying, exasperating and infuriating at times for DH and I as it really hasn't come from us.

However, she is through it now and we did have a number of meltdowns and tears both during her mocks and actual exams. The best thing I found was to take her somewhere just us two and let her just talk and talk it through, repeating my reassurance of how the grades are not everything. Although she didn't want to hear it, I pointed out how the stress could potentially make her achieve less well if it affects her too much. Tbh this may well be the case in one her her subjects as she did fall apart in the first paper. My reaction to this mini breakdown was to take the afternoon off work, take her out for a drive and some food and just being there, repeating my reassurance that it would all be ok.

I know this is no magic resolution but it works for us, the only thing it does is leave me sad and drained that DD can't see her worth outside exams at that point but things get better quickly and it was really just a case of giving her all my attention for the period she needed someone to fall back on.

I hope your DD manages this next year, does she talk about the stress much? Can you 'prep' her that yes it will be tough, but you will get through it together whatever the outcome? Sure you have already done this but I have had to constantly reiterate this the past few months for my DD.

DD school said to dress as for the workplace. Her comment..( Thankfully to me and not school!!!) What if I want to be a stripper??

Thankfully no uniform for DS he still hasn't made up his mind where to go if he has a choice! think it's due to travel time walking 20 to possible 90 mins on 2 buses would only be about 25 mins depending on traffic in car. Bridging work not started yet though depends where he goes which ALevels he does.

Just normal clothes, jeans, joggers, trousers, hoodies, whatever. DS would die if he had to do business wear.
TBF most businesses don't do business wear anymore. DH was a suit and tie man pre covid. He is now jeans and presentable t shirts. He's a very senior IT contactor.

Business dress for us too. I do feel it's so outdated these days.

No uniform here.

Business dress, which DD will hate. I'm dreading the shopping trip!

No uniform here either. We need to do a massive clothes shop at some point!

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. Encourage her to talk as much as she needs and don't forget the hugs (if she'll let you!).

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn
Thank you for that. Yes school know because it was them that noticed the marks and to be fair have been really good. Ref to camhs done by then LM and already had some contact ...seems to be a really good link with school based service. Will be involves from September in amd out of school. All seems OK at the moment as seems to be according to everyone purely based on exams stress so not school/friends/bullying/food etc as such, just concerned as to how things will go entering year 11. Have tried the reassurance that her health is more important than exams but will have to see how things will go. She is the most unlikely person ever to do this which is why it's flung us so much. She wants to join a gym so have said we'll look into that along with another activity she attends a lot

I'm so sorry to hear that @Darkbutstarrynight , have you let the school know about it, they may be able to offer some help? I don't have any good advice I'm afraid, other than do as much as you can not to add to the pressure just try and support. I found that continuing the activities they enjoy outside of school work during the exam periods (for my DS it was rowing) to be helpful in destressing. Ultimately our children's health is worth a million times more than the grades they get at 16. Sending you a (not very useful but supportive) hug.