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Original poster

14yo DS' terrible school report - drastic changes needed

62 replies

RealHousewivesOfTaunton · 19/07/2024 09:31

My 14yo DS' school report came out yesterday and it's very hard reading. He's causing low-level disruption in one lesson, not making enough effort in others. His marks are atrocious. He barely does his homework. He's a bright boy but his attitude stinks.

At home, he says that school is boring and doesn't see why he should bother in "useless subjects". He spends most of his time in his room building his own online business. I monitor his internet use and his phone. He also loves playing football, plays for the school and a local team and has coaching in-between.

He had a really lovely group of friends but seems to have gravitated away from them into a group with one or two boys who concern me. They're into Andrew Tate and other online influencers who don't have healthy views about women and life in general. I monitor his laptop and phone and have parental controls set up that limit his time and access on both. I challenge views that come from AT and his ilk.

On the back of this report, I've confiscated his laptop and told him that there will be drastic changes to adjust his attitude towards school. He's in year 9, going into his GCSEs in September. Any advice?

OP posts:
Gladespade · 19/07/2024 10:10

Singleandproud · 19/07/2024 10:02

There is no need for laptop etc so Id take it for the whole summer, or if he needs it for his business set him up a work station and he works for 3 hours a day or whatever not just free access. I would be looking a outreach activities, open lectures at universities / libraries that are age appropriate, work experience (wildlife trusts are good for this), Young Wardens at a wildlife trust too, involved with a cadet group, outward bound week at Plas Y Brenin etc. he needs to be inspired and engaged with education again and to see how it relates to his future and next steps.

Its not unusual for year 9 students to be disengaged, it's a hard slog and since getting rid of KS3 sats it's abit of a nothing year. But he is at risk of not engaging at all for his GCSEs and being in the group that 'show' the teachers he doesn't like by not doing well.

Edited

You don’t have a 14 year old boy do you?

This is a really tough age, often year 9 is the worst in the school, you find that in year 10 when they are doing their options that they have chosen, they start to focus better. The thing that jumps out at me the most as a concern is the Andrew Tate stuff I think enlisting a male role model to dispel some of these ideas is a really good thought. I think there is a lot of positive enterprising things that he is doing that I would be encouraging strongly. I also think the poster above makes a good point about the education system, it doesn’t cater for all children. At 14 he’s too old for you to try and mould with lectures and volunteering - he simply won’t engage - but I would have some hardlines about being disruptive in class and generally being respectful.

Missydustyroom · 19/07/2024 10:07

Are the bad results in subjects he is dropping?

I would say he needs to stop the football even if it means he needs to change from pe gcse.

Singleandproud · 19/07/2024 10:02

There is no need for laptop etc so Id take it for the whole summer, or if he needs it for his business set him up a work station and he works for 3 hours a day or whatever not just free access. I would be looking a outreach activities, open lectures at universities / libraries that are age appropriate, work experience (wildlife trusts are good for this), Young Wardens at a wildlife trust too, involved with a cadet group, outward bound week at Plas Y Brenin etc. he needs to be inspired and engaged with education again and to see how it relates to his future and next steps.

Its not unusual for year 9 students to be disengaged, it's a hard slog and since getting rid of KS3 sats it's abit of a nothing year. But he is at risk of not engaging at all for his GCSEs and being in the group that 'show' the teachers he doesn't like by not doing well.

smallmountainbear · 19/07/2024 10:01

RealHousewivesOfTaunton · 19/07/2024 09:58

Yes, he's buying consumer electronics from China and selling them here. He's coded his own website and has a drop-shipping agreement. I'm reluctant to take his laptop away permanently because he's so engaged with this, but it needs to be a fun thing, not a replacement for trying hard at school. Similarly, he's taking GCSE PE and needs to play football for that.

Show quote history

This makes him sound like quite an impressive young man OP.

smallmountainbear · 19/07/2024 10:00

In all honesty I have a lot of sympathy for him.

We have an education system that only suits academic kids.

I am not surprised that kids like your son who don’t enjoy academic study, end up going the way your son has. Few people have the discipline to force themself to do things they hate, especially for years, even if they see a clear purpose in them. And your son doesn’t even see a clear purpose. And he’s only a kid.

I see this as a failing in the system, not your son.

Sorry, I know that does not help you.

At the end of the day, even if he messes up his gcse’s, he does have other options. He may develop a successful business of his own. He can go back to education as an adult, if he chooses.

My youngest has just finished primary, and has never liked school or work. I’m really worried for how he will find secondary, so I do sympathize OP.

Original poster
RealHousewivesOfTaunton · 19/07/2024 09:58

NewDogOwner · 19/07/2024 09:55

Does he actually have a business idea? Look at the grades needed to get into business school to build a business.

Yes, he's buying consumer electronics from China and selling them here. He's coded his own website and has a drop-shipping agreement. I'm reluctant to take his laptop away permanently because he's so engaged with this, but it needs to be a fun thing, not a replacement for trying hard at school. Similarly, he's taking GCSE PE and needs to play football for that.

OP posts:
Original poster
RealHousewivesOfTaunton · 19/07/2024 09:56

TeenToTwenties · 19/07/2024 09:52

Any positive male role models in his life who could talk to him (eg football coaches?)

That's a great idea. His football coach is a young chap and he also idolises his PE teachers. The school does run mentorship programs so I'll talk to them about that in September.

OP posts:
NewDogOwner · 19/07/2024 09:55

Does he actually have a business idea? Look at the grades needed to get into business school to build a business.

Original poster
RealHousewivesOfTaunton · 19/07/2024 09:53

He doesn't have any clear idea of what he wants to do post-16 other than become extremely rich Hmm

I'll talk to him this evening about what his group's doing for GCSE options next year. One of them's on a managed move to another school.

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 19/07/2024 09:53

I often think the USA seems to have it right when I see on TV about kids not being allowed to play on teams without achieving certain grades in school. Don't know how true that is though.

TeenToTwenties · 19/07/2024 09:52

Any positive male role models in his life who could talk to him (eg football coaches?)

TeenToTwenties · 19/07/2024 09:51

What does he want to do post GCSEs? Is he 'on track' to meet those requirements?
Might you find that when the learning has a purpose he gets more engaged? Might he end up in different classes from his 'friends'?

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