14yo DS' terrible school report - drastic changes needed

It was perfectly possible for my DD a few years back. School realised far too late she just didn't 'get' how to answer the lang exam.
A massive effort and good controlled assessments she scraped a pass in the end.

"Calling you a slave to capitalism" really isn't great. He needs a whole attitude readjustment.

Your holiday plans sound great for getting him away from screens. I'd limit his device access to the minimal amount of time he needs to run his business.

At 14, he is just about still under your control and influence. You gave him a consequence for poor grades and now you need to see it through otherwise it won't improve. I would be choosing a male tutor, based not only on skills but on appearance as it can absolutely make a difference, preferably with a traditional 'Alpha' male presentation, he isn't likely to work well for a woman or a smaller, timid type of man.

It's hard to imagine how someone could get such a low mark in English. That suggests he didn't even try in the end of year test, especially if he otherwise has a half decent grasp of real life English and literacy. Do you have access to his test paper to see what the problem is? Did he even bother answering all the questions or did he just give up and stare out of the window??

Because a bit of part time drop shipping or buying cheap crap from China isn't really a valid lifetime business. Yes, it will give him a bit of pocket money. But in reality, it's a very easy business model to set up and doesn't really teach them anything about real businesses. It's also highly risky in that all it needs is someone else to undercut his prices and he'll see all his customers disappear in a flash.

It "may" turn into a proper business that makes decent profits, but 99% of such businesses don't, and he'll need new ideas and new directions to create a business that will pay his bills (and more) for the next few decades, which requires a business that other people can't easily copy/emulate/compete with.

Tbh a lot of younger teenage boys are exposed online to AT and the like. Unfortunately it sounds superficially appealing until they think through the misogynistic implications.

Important to keep talking to him about it, hopefully it’ll pass.

Is that possiboy combining lang and lit and he didnt revise the texts?

@RealHousewivesOfTaunton

Would he be interested in the Sea Cadets? There may be chances to go to sea and I wonder whether he would engage with that.

https://www.sea-cadets.org/

It's worrying that he got such a low mark in English.

Could you find local tutors who can come to him at home to help him with these three subjects in particular on a weekly basis?

I would suggest making enquiries now, before tutors are booked up for the autumn term.

Do you have an idea how much money he's actually making? The financial steer and HMRC thing will be a great move.

Both male and female role models would be wise - get him off the screen where he might also be getting more impressions of what women are than the warped crap AT pushes.

But having his own business at that age - sounds like Richard Branson.

This sounds like my brother. Very bright and self motivated but academically not very interested. He took started his own little business as a teen but struggled massively with his gcse.

If this were me I would have a sit down with him about his future. Do it in a shoulder to shoulder wat not face to face, so in the car or walking the dog so it's less confrontational.

Find out what his aims are and how he can get there, temper his expectations with your experience and knowledge about the work place. Does he want to get further into coding, what about a business qualification or apprenticeship etc, what does he need to do to get there.

Then talk about back up plans (AI could render his business redundant) talk about how in some ways you need to 'play the game' which means setting a minimum set of GCSEs which is needed for the work place. Maths and English, 5gcse at C or above or whatever the job specs say these days.

Offer him more freedom in exchange for agreeing and acting on these things.

I also agree with pp that he sounds like an accomplished young man and will probably be ok, just needs expectations to be put in place. And the incel stuff is more worrying then the academics.

I haven't read the full thread but my boy is at the same age. He is bright but lazy and is finally settling down with friends etc. his grades are fine but we made the decision to not focus on the subjects he was dropping so they dipped quite a lot. We have talked and I expect his gcse subject grades to be rising/be stable by Christmas. If they don't/aren't we will reduce his sport training and might even get a tutor. He is also sport obsessed. I am hoping this works....😬 but I'm not worrying until sept as it could ruin the whole summer.... sorry I realise this isn't much help. We have looked forward to the after school pathway, post gcse and a level so he can see that is all a means to an end to get the right post/uni course etc. I was lazy at school and didn't sort it out till I got into uni and could see the possibilities.

My DS was like this, he totally couldn’t see the point of Shakespeare etc (and to an extent who can blame him?). I was always academic but he’s not; he is however very entrepreneurial and was doing all sorts of activies like your DS.
My DS also has ADHD so he can hyperfocus when he is really interested but absolutely not when no interest.

He actually ended up taking no GCSEs(!) but at the time I was more concerned with his mental health as he hated school and being so pressurised. He is now training to be a tree surgeon but still does lots of entrepreneurial stuff. So I guess I would say support him; make sure he knows the rules, but definitely encourage the mentorship side, that’s so important with boys. As you know teenage boys are highly unlikely to revere what their mums advise.

If it makes you feel any better, I have seen students like this turn it around. He hasn't actually started his GCSE course yet, he has some time to mature.

What I would do is message the school today, and it has to be today before they finish if he hasn't finished already. Requesting that he be kept separate during lessons from the other boys, their influence on each other, tell them of your AT concerns and about toxic masculinity etc and see if they have a positive male mentoring scheme - some schools do as toxic masculinity is such a big issue in schools at the moment.

He has one already. What makes you think you need to go to business school in order to build a business?

There is also some cult that is telling kids they don't need an education and really influences them away from parents and school. My friends son ended up reading this stuff, it pre-empts what parents are likely to say to brain wash them even further.

I would check to see he is not involved with that as well.

Would bribery work? He sounds financially motivated so he attends cadets and he gets £5 a night, he does voluntary work, you pay him minimum wage or similar.

Sounds like you have good plans for the summer. I was also in ATC and thinks it works brilliantly especially if you get him involved in the summer whilst the funeral stuff is on and so he is ready for adventure activity camps etc next year

Has he registered with HMRC

Hi OP,

Just wanted to say I wouldn't stop the stuff he is engaged with. It's really good and impressive to have a business and football and getting rid of the good things he's doing will not help his future at all. Things like that look really good on CV's. For punishment maybe phone/settings on laptop so he can only use it for his business?

Maybe talk to him about what he wants to do e.g. business management/apprenticeship he'll need a decent maths grade.

@Gladespade No, I have a 14 year old girl and a decade of experience working with disengaged teenagers. If you leave him to his own devices he will crash through his GCSEs, it's great he has a business but on the chance it doesn't work he needs GCSEs and to be able to access the next stages of education whether that be academic or vocational.

Outward bound activities, conservation work, cadets are full of positive male and female role models. It's heavy work and career related and activities are often exciting and after the initial reticence even the most surly teen will get involved.

He wants to run a business so yes I'd be looking for open lectures on business management, finance, career fairs, computer science etc if that's what he is interested in. He might not understand everything but it'll get him to see the flight path and what he needs to do to get there. Teens need inspiring from outside of home and school where they don't value parents or teachers views. I was at an event with 14 year old DD at the Royal Institute recently where there were two young men talking about their business start up with plenty of time for Q&A at the end and an invite to contact them in future for work experience etc.