Please or to access all these features

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Feel miserable and need a good moan! DS having induction at the school we got - really don't like it.

94 replies

localnotail · 04/07/2024 06:07

Just that, really! Feel depressed and cant sleep so decided to have a whine.

We ended up with a school over 3 miles away, it was number 5 on our list (and it shouldn't have been on our list, but its another story). The school is supposedly "above average" but really is just a dumping ground for all the kids who could not get a place at their preferred school - no idea what area they cover but the school has no catchment and accepts everyone. Its a nightmare to get to (no buses go straight to it, a lot of walking through narrow back streets), would take over an hour and the school is located in a very high crime area known for muggins. They have zero phone policy, also not allowing money, so basically I will have to ferry my poor DS back and forth as don't want my 11 year old to wander through dodgy parts of London for an hour without phone or money. I tried talking to the school about allowing him to have his phone for travelling but they told me they have 1000 children on site and no one is getting special treatment. So I had to ask my work to allow me to go pick him up and got myself a pay cut for now (just what I need as a single parent).

He did not get into his preferred school as we had to move slightly further out a few year ago, the catchment for this school is tiny. We are 11th on the waiting list so no chance of getting in for September. This school is very impressive academically, close to us (15 minutes walk), most of his classmates are going there, and all the kids form the previous years, so I already know all the parents, our primary had a very active parent group which is now moving into this secondary.

I know I'm probably overthinking it but I cant get over my poor DS being forced to go to the school we got. He is the only kid who did not get his preferred place and no one knows this secondary he is going to (he is the only child from his primary who was unfortunate enough to end up there). His teacher was shocked and told me to transfer him to our local secondary school as soon as I can, so I will try - but for now I have to endure preparing him to go to the school we are made to go to, and try to make the best of it. The travelling will be a stressful nightmare adding hours to our day and screwing up with our lives. I know a lot of kids travel to their secondaries but they travel to attend a better school - in our case, we have to travel further out to attend at best, an average school. I feel very isolated and excluded, and try my best to hide my feeling from my DS - trying to make him feel positive - but feel like this is a complete shit show as going to this school is only going to be temporary but I have to act as if its not for my DS's sake. But even having to look into buying his uniform etc makes me irrationally angry - like, "why do I have to spend money on this shit??" 😂

So just that, really. This weighs heavily on my mind at the moment and I feel like I failed my child - either way, if he stays at this school, he will have to travel further out and will have substandard education; if he is going to be moved to have a shorter trip to school and better academic prospects - it will probably be around spring time - it will be disruptive and stressful for him... A lot of people are telling me "maybe he will like it and want to stay" but I don't really know how I feel about it. I just want him to have the best chance of getting a good education, and I feel this school is not going to provide it.

Anyways, thanks for listening. x

OP posts:
Rhayader · 06/07/2024 11:50

JustWing · 06/07/2024 11:35

They do but more rarely in the best school in the area. The decision on private is more frequent if they secured place in the worse school and they were on the waitlist for the better one but didn't get it by September. Then they will move to private leaving a space in Sept for a first person from the wait list to jump in.

But as I understand you are talking about best school in the area. The better school the less movement when it comes to the decision private vs state.

Edited

This is the best school in the area. Attainment 8 up in the high 60s and a progress score of around 1.5.

JustWing · 06/07/2024 11:35

Rhayader · 06/07/2024 10:30

I’ve heard that they have people not turn up in September every year. Not sure if enough will do that though….

They do but more rarely in the best school in the area. The decision on private is more frequent if they secured place in the worse school and they were on the waitlist for the better one but didn't get it by September. Then they will move to private leaving a space in Sept for a first person from the wait list to jump in.

But as I understand you are talking about best school in the area. The better school the less movement when it comes to the decision private vs state.

Rhayader · 06/07/2024 10:30

JustWing · 06/07/2024 10:01

Either people won't be sending their kids private OR they are waiting until the last minute to give up their outstanding state space

@Rhayader ☝️This, the first part of the sentence, the second part yes but less likely, but maybe there will be somebody who wanted to mill two birds with one stone.
Simply the EHCP and all appeals, and "extraordinary circumstances" ars popping in before the waitlist.
But people do move out of the country etcand always within a first year you would be absorbed by the school if you are no 1 on the list

I’ve heard that they have people not turn up in September every year. Not sure if enough will do that though….

JustWing · 06/07/2024 10:01

Either people won't be sending their kids private OR they are waiting until the last minute to give up their outstanding state space

@Rhayader ☝️This, the first part of the sentence, the second part yes but less likely, but maybe there will be somebody who wanted to mill two birds with one stone.
Simply the EHCP and all appeals, and "extraordinary circumstances" ars popping in before the waitlist.
But people do move out of the country etcand always within a first year you would be absorbed by the school if you are no 1 on the list

Rhayader · 05/07/2024 20:51

I'm in a similar position to you but if the school is the kind of school where parents might be opting for private I would say there is still some hope.

We applied late due to my husband being made redundant abroad which meant we lost our visa and had to return to the UK suddenly. We started on the waiting list as number 1 for first preference school on national offer day (we would have easily got in as an on-time applicant) but no places have come up at all.

I've since found out that they had been asked by the council to take on A LOT of extra kids with EHCPs and then a bunch of appeals were won by kids too a couple of weeks ago putting us at an effective 12th on the waiting list (although if I ask they say we are still no1).

Only 2 kids have withdrawn their places which - going by previous years is really, really low. People up to 15th on the list get offers normally before the induction day so there's something weird going on. Either people won't be sending their kids private OR they are waiting until the last minute to give up their outstanding state space. Given the whatsapp message that went viral about "spooking the state school system" this doesnt feel implausible.

At our second choice school which is very similar but we are slightly further from we were 25th then 15th then 9th and now 6th (but im not sure how many appeals were won), so this feels like it might happen before the second week of September. There is often a lot of movement when kids just dont show up in September so dont buy too many sets of uniform if hes still at that school then.

Our allocated school is about an hour away on busses and isnt a good school - particularly for my very academic DC. The 5 A*-C GCSE metric is HALF what it is at our first-choice school. Our first and second allocated schools are both within 15 minutes walk of us.

We didnt appeal either as 1st on the list felt like a garuntee! but now im wondering if we have a shot. My DC does a sport at a regional level and wont be able to make training with the extra travel time (in the opposite direction of the training place) with the allocated school.

JustWing · 05/07/2024 08:47

I was so surprised to be told by one school: 'Call us every morning first thing. First parent to ring gets the place if someone drops out.' I'd have thought that was pestering but they said it was a 10 second call and saved them having to ring around and chase people

Unbelievable 🤦🏼‍♀️

localnotail · 04/07/2024 21:36

MarchingFrogs · 04/07/2024 18:56

I was so surprised to be told by one school: 'Call us every morning first thing. First parent to ring gets the place if someone drops out.' I'd have thought that was pestering but they said it was a 10 second call and saved them having to ring around and chase people

Legally, the school cannot do that for the the first term, during which time, a waiting list must be kept in oversubscription criteria order and available places offered accordingly.

After December 31st in the year of entry, the school does not have to keep a list at all, so yes, in that case, it would be able to offer the place to the first person to ask for it, even though if that person's dc and the DC of all the other people reliant on just getting lucky when they call for the nth time we're to be on a formal Continuing Interest list and ranked according to the oversubscription criteria, they wouldn't be the one to get it.

Personally, I have only come across one school which operated this system (and another which stated that they 'did not operate a waiting list', but may possibly have been being deliberately or otherwise literal, and did actually hold a CI list), and they gave it up for a formal CI process a few years ago.

Legally, its not allowed. Realistically, this really does happen.

OP posts:
MarchingFrogs · 04/07/2024 18:56

I was so surprised to be told by one school: 'Call us every morning first thing. First parent to ring gets the place if someone drops out.' I'd have thought that was pestering but they said it was a 10 second call and saved them having to ring around and chase people

Legally, the school cannot do that for the the first term, during which time, a waiting list must be kept in oversubscription criteria order and available places offered accordingly.

After December 31st in the year of entry, the school does not have to keep a list at all, so yes, in that case, it would be able to offer the place to the first person to ask for it, even though if that person's dc and the DC of all the other people reliant on just getting lucky when they call for the nth time we're to be on a formal Continuing Interest list and ranked according to the oversubscription criteria, they wouldn't be the one to get it.

Personally, I have only come across one school which operated this system (and another which stated that they 'did not operate a waiting list', but may possibly have been being deliberately or otherwise literal, and did actually hold a CI list), and they gave it up for a formal CI process a few years ago.

localnotail · 04/07/2024 18:39

@FleetwoodMacAttack I definitely can not move! I just about managed to buy a flat close enough to the area where I was renting, properties within the catchment area of our preferred school are in the "low millions", as Americans would say.

@thinkfast I know there are things I can do (tags, emergency money, etc) but I really hate all this, like how is it normal to prepare like this for a simple journey to school?

Thank you very much to all who chatted to me here, it helped a lot. DS came back from his induction day saying he was bored but the school is ok and he already made friends ))) he really is a sweetheart, happy with everything - unlike his drama queen mother.

OP posts:
Meadowwild · 04/07/2024 15:09

Keep in touch with the first choice school. Ring the office and ask how they update their waiting list and how they prefer parents to contact them to express continued interest. I was so surprised to be told by one school: 'Call us every morning first thing. First parent to ring gets the place if someone drops out.' I'd have thought that was pestering but they said it was a 10 second call and saved them having to ring around and chase people. Different schools have different policies. Some call you or write to see if you are still interested.

Hold out for the right school. There will always be some movement in London families. And do chase on the first few days of term. I have heard of pupils never showing up, parents moving out of area or going private and not bothering to inform the school. There may be some movement in September.

thinkfast · 04/07/2024 15:05

Ps my son is at a very oversubscribed school in North London and everyone we know got a place there eventually, if they wanted one. Kids leave and spaces come up all the time.

thinkfast · 04/07/2024 15:01

I think it will be fine OP. IMO, there is a lot of movement in the first couple of weeks (and beyond) in London secondary schools, so your DS is likely to get a place in your preferred school quite quickly.

The phone and no cash rules are VERY sensible. Young boys are a big target for muggers, so it's better if he has nothing to hand over.

Just do what the rest of us do, itag on his keys to monitor his whereabouts and a kids pre-paid card e.g. Revolut or similar with a £20 emergency fund. That way if he does get mugged he can hand over the card, you can cancel it and the muggers only get £20.

FleetwoodMacAttack · 04/07/2024 14:39

OP what is your housing situation? Any chance you can move closer. We were on edge of catchment, in fact ended up being comfortably in at the necessary time. However we were also due to move and we considered really on the face of it unsuitable places (tiny flats on major dual carriage A roads) so we’d be as close to the school as possible in case of waiting list.

it seems, with the benefit of hindsight you were poorly advised that your new house would be in catchment. Any chance of moving again?

JustWing · 04/07/2024 13:32

Waterlooville · 04/07/2024 06:18

I'd feel the same as you. 11th on the waiting list isn't bad. I think you'll get in at the last minute.

11th in March is not bad but in July is not promising at all

Puddlelane123 · 04/07/2024 11:02

I’d give him a cheap ‘burner phone’ to use to and from school and which he can stash in his bag out of sight. On that note though, teaching staff taking his phone and confiscating it for a term??? That would constitute theft in my book and I would be arguing that point strongly should that occasion arise.

UpThereForThinkingDownThereForDancing · 04/07/2024 10:39

I really feel for you op. Reading your op, I felt your pain and it's entirely understandable. You've done a brilliant thing not letting him see how affected you feel, that wouldn't help him at all.
Fingers crossed for a move soon just from a logistics pov that will be a big positive improvement, and meanwhile let's hope he does ok and has some positive experiences.

localnotail · 04/07/2024 10:32

Yellowcar2 · 04/07/2024 10:16

Which school is it? Lots of Hackney schools are rated outstanding, what is it's ofsted rating? Also lots of secondary schools have the no phone no money policy.

I don't want to discuss the details, and it doesn't matter tbh. This school we are at is rated Good but its last ofsted inspection was 5 year ago. The school we wanted to get to also rated Good but its results are amazing.

I would have no problem with no phones no money policy if it was a school 15 minutes away from home - or at least a school you can easily get to.

OP posts:
Yellowcar2 · 04/07/2024 10:16

Which school is it? Lots of Hackney schools are rated outstanding, what is it's ofsted rating? Also lots of secondary schools have the no phone no money policy.

localnotail · 04/07/2024 10:09

pinkdelight · 04/07/2024 09:51

I live in East London and base it on the rating of the school and on the mix of kids attending.

So the others are all rated inadequate? That would be concerning, but can also mean they've got a spotlight on them and should be improving. It doesn't need to mean that the experience of all students will be awful and that some don't do well. It's still worth weighing up against the distance and issues you have with the allocated school to see if a waiting list place from a closer school is better. I wouldn't worry too much about the mix of kids - thousands of kids attend and your DC will find his people.

I think 11th place on waiting list for your preferred school is hopeful anyway so perhaps that will work out for you, but consider getting more lists and revisiting those options.

The are not rated "inadequate", at least not all of them - but I looked at attainment, progression and other stats, they are not suitable schools for my DS. Awful as in I can see kids coming in and out of the couple of schools near my home. But they seem happy enough so I guess you are right, for them its not an "awful" school

OP posts:
localnotail · 04/07/2024 10:05

MitskiMoo · 04/07/2024 09:44

Did you apply as a first choice a school you knew you were outside the catchment for? Is that why you also never received a place in the other three schools, that is, you were in the catchment but you didn't put any of them as your first choice.
My friend did this. She thought DS would automatically get a place in the schools they were in the catchment for, and saw no harm in putting the oversubscribed outstanding school outside of catchment as first choice. Her DS now has to take three buses to get to school. If this is the case, did no one warn you this could happen?

Ok, I have no idea what you mean but schools cant see what place you are putting them at. They either allocate a place or don't, and the local Education authority then decides, based on your preference, what school you are going to. So for me to get this school, the other three further up the list had to say they have no place for my DS. I could have probably missed out on the school further down the list but not up the list.

We are within the catchment, and when I was moving I was told by the school I would get in. But they cant guarantee it and there are other factors at play (siblings, number of looked after kids, number from feeder primary). If you think about it, we are 11th out of over a 100 total on the waiting list, so its not that bad.

OP posts:
PBC · 04/07/2024 10:01

MitskiMoo · 04/07/2024 09:44

Did you apply as a first choice a school you knew you were outside the catchment for? Is that why you also never received a place in the other three schools, that is, you were in the catchment but you didn't put any of them as your first choice.
My friend did this. She thought DS would automatically get a place in the schools they were in the catchment for, and saw no harm in putting the oversubscribed outstanding school outside of catchment as first choice. Her DS now has to take three buses to get to school. If this is the case, did no one warn you this could happen?

I don't think this would not have been the reason your friend didn't get any of their 'catchment' schools. The ranking on the application is the applicant's order of preference but putting a school first does not give you priority over others who put it lower down on their lists.

PBC · 04/07/2024 09:57

I think your chances are pretty good that a place will come up for your DS. There are always several places that come up after the first day as many people infuriatingly fail to decline the place (eg when they have chosen private school instead). But even before that there will still be lots of movement over the summer as well. As PPs have mentioned, London has a very transient population, so there will always be families moving out and places freeing up.

The uniform thing is annoying. I’d suggest waiting until just a week or two before to get the uniform in case things change, and even then, don’t take the tags off until the last minute so you can return if need be!

pinkdelight · 04/07/2024 09:51

I live in East London and base it on the rating of the school and on the mix of kids attending.

So the others are all rated inadequate? That would be concerning, but can also mean they've got a spotlight on them and should be improving. It doesn't need to mean that the experience of all students will be awful and that some don't do well. It's still worth weighing up against the distance and issues you have with the allocated school to see if a waiting list place from a closer school is better. I wouldn't worry too much about the mix of kids - thousands of kids attend and your DC will find his people.

I think 11th place on waiting list for your preferred school is hopeful anyway so perhaps that will work out for you, but consider getting more lists and revisiting those options.

Rosecoffeecup · 04/07/2024 09:51

I'm struggling to understand how any school in Hackney is apparently so unconnected by bus routes? Or is it just an inconvenient route for him?