Nurturing uncliquey N London girls school 11+

Selective= massive group of very able and competitive kids in one space. Mostly kids who are very used to being the best and suddenly aren't.
Selective independent= massive group of very able kids who are usually also very comfortable at home both in terms of material possessions and attention given to them.
In my experience, non selective co-ed creates cliques of girls who are attractive/rich/popular/popular with boys. I don't have enough experience of selective coed.
This may be an unpopular take on here but in my opinion the less diverse the school cohort is in terms of wealth, the more cliquey it is.

I could well believe that.

I do think diversity in terms of sex is likely helpful too.

It’s less clear to me why being selective might lead to clique-iness.

I guess it would be interesting to compare selective girls schools with selective mixed schools?

@PrimaDoner yup I think diversity and truly being non selective makes for a much happier experience for most kids (if school is well managed) I think there's just very very few non selective, diverse girls schools so it's no wonder people have those experiences.

Possibly! My own first-hand experience of a girls only school is at a grammar, and it was very weird socially compared to the mixed local school I also went to. At the mixed school friendships were more fluid and varied across the year group – people had a wide variety of friendships in different classes and years.

At the girls school friendships were organised into these weird fixed little sets, and everyone knew which group of 4 or 5 everyone else was in. Some people formally changed sets, and everyone would be clear that the person was no longer in a group with the old set – like changing employer 😂😂

My own experience of a girls school has been echoed by other people I’ve met as an adult – teachers and pupils (and I don’t think I’ve ever particularly brought the topic up myself).

The mixed school was also more working class (the girls had a markedly middle class intake by comparison) and was non-selective. So these may also be contributing factors!

Very recent experience - DD joined in reception a couple of years ago. Channing doesn’t have a 7+ entry so no one can move at that stage. I’m not surprised some kids leave at that age - as I mentioned in a previous post, some children thrive in pushy schools like Highgate. Channing is definitely focused on care and building love of learning, over results. I’m not excluding changing my mind as my DD gets older and I know better what works for her. But I chose the nicer school and atmosphere of Channing because she was only 4.

Neither school is particularly diverse though. That’s the reality of private schools. But certainly in the year we applied there were more children of colour at Channing than Highgate - at least of the ones we met after offers were sent out.

Not sure any of this helps the OP though. I do think there is no substitute to visiting a school. Different schools work for different children.

Just personal experience.
My DD has moved from a non selective coed to a non selective girls and she's flourished. Yes there's some cliquey girls, but it's nothing on co-ed. I was worried as it's non uniform, but she's so relaxed, wearing joggers to school and she's stopped wearing makeup or being late because of her hair. There's about 1000x less drama as there's no boys. I think the key has been that it's very mixed, both in terms of attainment as well as wealth.
I do think grammars and independent schools attract a certain type of girl and yes they can be quite cliquey and pressured. There's really not many non selective, truly mixed girls schools left, so I think most people's experience of one is at a grammar or a independent, and that's kind of tainted their rep.

Im not sure how recent is your experience with Channing. Im familiar with both schools (Highgate and Channing) very well, while Channing is a nice school its more of a local school (particularly its Junior department) compared to Highgate which is considered more academically selective and draws children from all over North London (it gets very diverse starting from Y3 onwards with very few kids living in Highgate). If you are familiar with Channing you probably know that there are at least a few girls every year joining Highgate at 7+ and Senior School. I have never heard of anyone moving the other direction though. Channing is a perfectly nice school but Highgate is more diverse because as its co-ed and tends to be more popular with international families (also in part due to stronger STEM provision/teaching ) . Girls cliques could form in both schools though but having boys on site certainly helps (in my experience) as they get older and hormones start to kick in.

That’s so awful @BecauseImDonna. What a horrible experience for you and your DD. I’m not surprised you changed schools. I would have too.

It’s not been my experience of Channing (and I’m not white, posh or particularly rich) but it just goes to show how each year group can be different. Interestingly it was fear of that exact experience which was a factor in us turning down Highgate - the parents I met on the offer holders day were really snooty (and incidentally no working mums!) and there was not one person of colour. Lots of the kids had been to prep nurseries together and I worried she’d be excluded. But again, it’s no doubt different in different years.

I found Channing junior incredibly cliquey. Yes, superficially people were friendly, but girls/mothers wouldn’t let DDs/me into the ‘inner circle’ unless you were white / posh / powerful / rich. Hated it.

Maybe secondary would be better, I don’t know it as we left.

Why? (just curious)

I strongly disagree

I think a girls school is 100% more likely to be cliquey. Doesn’t answer your question, sorry!

I’m probably biased because my DD is there (in the junior school), but given what you have said about your DD, Channing might be the right place for her. I take the bus from outside the senior school most days and I am always struck by how utterly lovely the girls are to each other and to others around. There seems to be a huge range of characters and interests judging by the chats I hear on the bus and the stuff they come out carrying.

I love Channing for being so unlike other schools of its ilk and for being more focused on individuals than results. Having (rather miserably) attended a super competitive N London school, I was keen to avoid that for my DD.

That said, there is no substitute for visiting all the schools and getting a sense of them. Your DD and you may have a wholly different feeling about Channing than I do. And also, some children thrive in pushy atmospheres or in competitive environments and she might get to those schools and feel they suit her better.

Ours has been the complete opposite! I think like all things school related much depends on your specific cohort. Tutor group etc. and that's luck!

I'd agree, some girls are switching from the above-mentioned schools to Highgate at senior/6th form and UCS 6th form , I spoke to the parents they mentioned that their girls found the co-ed environment in general much better (again this may not be everyone's experience)

Cliques can be formed in any school, yes, those schools that don't have junior departments are less likely to have cliques formed straight away but the girls can still form cliques shortly after they settle in and exclude some other girls from it. This varies from class to class in any school and all schools will be more or less similar. so I wouldn't certainly choose the school based on hearsay that this school has fewer cliques as you will be in a completely different class and your experience may be the opposite. All these schools are also quite competitive so you may not even have a choice at the end. For some girls, a co-ed environment is more suitable, so its also something to consider.

I would recommend mixed schools for the very fact that cliquey girls are a thing currently bothering her. I'm not saying that cliques don't exist at mixed schools but they definitely feature less!

I second Foxes suggestion of the CSG music route. Nothing to lose by trying. Apart from a few hours in an exam for your child. If she gets through the first stage then she’ll have an audition but it can be an “easy” piece.

Apply to both Parli and CSG anyway. How about St Marylebone, or are you in completely the wrong direction? They have a variety of different admissions too though.

It's technically not based on ability!

Honestly just try. Parli is very very popular at the moment but Camden is closing primaries as there's not enough kids so catchments will only widen for secondaries. The stats for offer day some years are wildly different to the reality in aug/sept or even Oct half term. Some councils do offer stats as of 1/09 but not sure if Camden does. They won't tell you how far the last in year applicant has got in from though. Anything after that won't be published. The issue is you may lose a terms fees as you're going for private as your alternative.
Have you looked into Camden Girls music places?

PS - also, with schools as highly competitive as all the ones you've listed, you just have to apply to them all and see what happens. If she is lucky enough to get into more than one, then you can focus on which one you'd choose.

Francis Holland and Queens are the ones cited as more pastoral and nurturing. But that's from the perspective of hot-housing / academic pressure, no idea of that correlates or not to bullying or its absence. You have to be very bright and VERY tutored to get into South Hampstead or NLC (frankly any north London independent school to be honest) but that doesn't mean the girls there will be more prone to bullying than anywhere else.

Go on all the tours / open days and ask about their anti bullying policy and ask the girls who show you round whether all their friends are in one group.

How far out of catchment are you for Parli? I'd highly recommend that.