Private vs state secondary choice

We also in similar position. Private all girls v excellent girls state. This is in central London. Really don’t know what to do either.

Look at the phone policy for each school - at the excellent state school the girls have their phones in their pockets and sneak a peak during lessons… obviously not suppose to and the phone is confiscated if they are seen. Private school the phones have to go in a locked pouch. Still seems like an awful lot of money when DD could just not take a phone…

how many of the boys board as a % at the private school? Given the long days, would you / your son consider weekly boarding? Is there not Saturday school as well?

We had a similar dilemma with DD1. Grammar vs Boarding private. We chose boarding because days were very full and she valued staying with friends. I assume 8 pm is after supper and prep. DD just relaxed and went to bed!

If you have to cut down on spending, what is the financial position over 5-7 years for you? Fees will go up. Can you afford the extras?

I don’t think private schools that are run of the mill give any advantage. You as parents give that. Your dc would, presumably, aim high wherever they went. Most jobs now aren’t choosing staff based on old school tie. Especially a school they don’t know. They want talent from all sources.

I would probably start in state. Move at 13 if it’s dire. Pay for golf lessons. Save like mad.

you are definitely losing your deposit and liable for the autumn term fees if you back out of the independent school now.

when you paid the deposit you already decided you preferred it to the excellent state school so why are you unsure now?

if you genuinely are still dithering then you need to go and look round the state school and (if possible) the independent one again - no one on here can second guess what might suit your son.

I wouldn’t worry too much about single sex. My nephew preferred co-ed but is now at an all-boys school and loves it. He doesn’t miss the girls at all, and I think it allows the nerdy and/or immature boys to grow up without ridicule or pressure to impress girls. His parents do want him to attend a mixed sixth form though, as by 16 they probably need to be interacting more with girls.

While long school days may seem arduous, presumably he’d be getting all of his homework and extracurricular activities done there, so when he’s home, it’s only to relax and sleep - which can probably be quite nice. That said, 8pm is an awfully late ending time!

The rugby aspect might concern me more, depending on how important the sport actually is at the school. I’d explore whether they have a non-contact option (if he doesn’t particularly like it I don’t think it’s worth the risk of head injury) and also how much the social hierarchy of the school depends on boys’ participation in rugby. We have friends with boys at a rugby school, and they’ve said it’s very much those who play are in and those who don’t are out.

Assuming this is for September presumably you are aware that you are too late to give notice and will be liable for a term's fees now? Having said that you could get a lot of golf coaching for far less than school fees linger term. An 11 1/2 hour day plus travel sounds arduous. Is there Saturday school and/or matches ?

It sounds very finely balanced. Unless other posters lean very strongly towards state or private in principle they may feel able to give give you much of a steer.

On the financial side I’m sure you’re aware but in case not: have you factored in the likely addition of VAT to private school fees in addition to annual inflationary increases of 5% plus?

My kids are currently in state school but we’re firmly set on private for secondary. Re-reading your post, I think I may lean towards state however - good reputation, local friends, co-ed and easier journey to school all do add up.

That said, I am a firm believer in private - the state system is on its knees even though some schools do an amazing job on a shoestring. Class sizes are much bigger, teachers can only really teach the class as a whole with much less individual attention. Behaviour is likely to be worse with a certain amount of teaching time lost to dealing with (zoo keeping) disruptive behaviour. Typically this occurs less in independent schools and when it does occur it’s managed out (cue indignant posts from the anti independent brigade with tales of hooligans burning St Poshos Academy down while the local comp is full of angels…).

How do the academic results of the two compare? It’s interesting to check but it won’t tell you how your child will fare.

Where can you see your son being happier?

Have you checked the financial viability of the Indy as far as you can? It’s widely predicted that a number of smaller (and probably not so small) indies won’t be viable with the VAT increases. What would happen if it were to close - could your son then move to the state school or is there unlikely to be a place?