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Original poster

Still struggling with year 7 transitions?

30 replies

Bob104 · 12/04/2024 19:58

Is anyone else’s year 7 still really unhappy with the move to secondary?
My daughter moved from a small primary to an average size (large) secondary in Spetember.
She flew at primary had lots of friends, did well academically and extra-curricular.
She loved school and was always happy to go.
Within the first month she changed. She had some issues with a couple of boys in her class and the one person she knew from primary made new friends and “left her behind” (in her eyes). The school were really supportive and helped with the boy issues, but she just doesn't feel like she has clicked with anyone.
She constantly asks to leave, move, or just to stay home.
How long do we keep pushing for? Or when do we decide maybe its not working?
Just don't know if this is character building or cruel and we should look to move her?

OP posts:
Ionacat · 13/04/2024 09:58

This is the point in year 7 where friendships start to change and primary bonds break and new groups start to form. DD went to year 7 with three of her primary, her main friendship group now contains no friends from primary and changed a bit - a couple have drifted and one has been added. (Now year 8.) There’s been a few fallings out and as an ex-secondary teacher, I know this continues into year 9 when it tends to calm down.

I would talk to her form tutor or head of year before deciding to move her. Sometimes a sympathetic seating plan could help, or could they buddy her up with someone. DD will talk to anyone in class, but would disappear off to meet friends at break, if she realised that the person she sat next to didn’t have anyone, then she’d be saying come and join us.

The library is often a great place to hang out, that’s where DD met two of her now closest friends. Librarians are lovely and seem to have a magic hand at involving students who feel lonely.

BendingSpoons · 13/04/2024 07:08

She did well socially st primary, so that suggests she has the social skills to make and maintain friends. It sounds like either she has just been unlucky or she has found it harder to navigate in a bigger pond. What happens in year 8? Do they mix them up for classes or will things mainly stay the same? Are there any clubs she could join? If she had 1 friend, that might be enough to tip the balance for her.

I would have a quiet look into other local schools. Do any have space? Would you need to go on a waiting list? Then look at the pros and cons. There's clearly a risk that the same thing will happen again and she will be at a new school without friends, plus possibly having a longer commute etc (whatever your reasons were for preferring the current school originally). However it could work out well. You might feel it is worth going on a waiting list and seeing what happens.

Sirzy · 13/04/2024 06:58

Has she tried going to extra curricular activities to help her find like minded people?

Original poster
Bob104 · 13/04/2024 06:40

Yes, She definitely wouldn't suit homeschool she hated homeschooling in lockdown and missed school and the social side of it!
We don't let her not go and she is adamant that moving school would fix it.
When at school she's very compliant, doing fine in lessons, and not having any issues with teachers. It's just the social thats the issue. She doesn't know anyone and say a she spends a lot of breaks alone.

OP posts:
dplse · 12/04/2024 21:33

My child struggled for a LONG time after moving to secondary school and we agonised over whether we were being cruel by insisting she had to keep going. However we knew she didn't want to go to any school so changing school wouldn't help. Lockdown school closures had already shown us that homeschooling was NOT going to work for us.

We used every method of support offered by school, focussed on going to school daily (even if that didn't include getting to class) and prioritised outside of school sports. If school called us to collect we always picked her up. We supported and pushed for her to be able to drop a subject that caused the most distress.

We are out the other side now so in retrospect we did the right thing. We know other parents whose child left school.