School uncomfortable with DCs work experience placement.

Totally agree.

Very surprised it's allowed for an under 16 - there are so many insurance loopholes for businesses to work through for work experience these days.

I would also be surprised if someone could work at a funeral home at age 16 (again, these days), unless there is an apprenticeship scheme or something. In England you need to be in full time education until 18.

P.S, it may be more reflective of the teachers attitude to death ,many adults don't deal well with death and dying so they could struggle to understand how a teenager may cope differently.

@charliepaytonsmum I did work experience on an elderly persons ward when i was 16 (year 11) - only bringing tea, food, talking to patients and obviously there were people dying whilst I was there, its not something that distressed me in the way it might have upset some 16 year olds so I think it is very individual and dependant on maturity of the person. Learning how to talk about how you feel when you see something that does upset you is however really important ,if she able to do this?

I think your daughter sounds great and very mature for her age. If she thinks she wants to pursue a career in this profession, it makes sense for her to do work experience with a funeral home. It’s a much better use of our time than going to somewhere she’s no interest in like a local garden centre!

I personally wouldn’t be bothered by a young person being present whilst I was organising a funeral or visiting a relative, as long as they were respectful. I experienced a lot of death as a child and helped my mum organise my dad’s funeral when I was 12 because she couldn’t cope, it’s just another part of life to me and it’s important young people understand that too.

Could they provide a list of what she will and won’t do to the school to reassure them the duties will be appropriate?

I agree with this. I know two people who worked for funeral directors as soon as they left school at 16. They've both done well in their careers in the industry. I'm sure they will be very sensitive to the needs of their clients and your daughter as well.
Your daughter sounds fab.

I really hope it goes well for her. She sounds like a very mature and sensitive girl.

OP, if it is does not identify the undertaker or breach any confidences, let us know how it goes once your DD completes this work experience.

I think she is very mature and sounds really empathetic which is exactly the qualities needed if she wants to assume this role long term. I hope she gets a lot of help and support during her placement and maybe she will eventually be able to work with this particular undertaker again to build her experience as she continues her training if she does go ahead with the career. Without people who genuinely care and can offer respect to those they deal with and the grieving left behind it's a very different process so I see why she has noticed and wants to learn from this wonderful woman, it really does make a huge impact, I wish her well with her work experience

My daughter did her work experience at our local undertakers. She was 14. She found it very interesting and was involved in many activities. Being an old fashioned business they made their own coffins, so she did woodwork, engraving brass nameplates, cloth lining the coffin. She had to clean and polish the hearse.

She attended funerals, had a tour of the crematorium, went to the hospital mortuary to collect bodies, collected and delivered funeral flowers which the family had requested to be delivered to local hospitals for patients to enjoy rather than letting them wither at the graveyard. She saw people laid out in their coffins. The only thing that was not permitted was to witness an embalming - she was told you have to be 18. She was told about the process, however.

Her school was perfectly happy with the placement and she hasn't had any bad memories whatsoever.

I do not see why a bereaved relative breaking down in tears should be a problem. It is life.

My GC, of assorted ages from about 4, saw me in tears, and their mothers, when my OH died. They were involved in his care, taking him things he needed and letting me know when his catheter bag needed emptying. They were at the funeral and saw us all upset. They learned a lot, shared a lot and lived some normal life with us all. They saw him very shortly before he died when he was unconscious. They learned that it was hard and saw us all find ways of coping. They hugged us and expressed their feelings very openly. They asked questions and were answered honestly.

And now, four years later, they are seeing us all coping in our different ways - we all talk about him.

I think we need to assume that the funeral directors will have the well-being of their clients as their priority and will make sure that the presence of a work experience young person did not cause any detriment to them.

At 15 I went to work experience in the social work department of a large cancer hospital. They 'allocated' a 15 year old patient to me, to do a case history etc. He died 3 days into my placement. I think it was one of the most educational experiences I had during my school career. Yes, it was very upsetting, but life happens to us all. I think going to a funeral home is a very good choice- even if she doesn't think it's in her future career, we're too removed from death in the UK and I think it will be very beneficial. And as for chemicals, I'm pretty sure she can be trusted not to drink the embalming fluid, I'm sure she doesn't drink the toilet cleaner at home.....

I literally did this exact work experience placement! For 2 weeks at the end of my Y11. I found it really interesting, and it's not really traumatic - they asked me on my first day whether or not I would like to see a dead body immediately and then just pulled one out of the fridge.
I don't think they can legally stop her if the funeral directors are happy with it? It's also just a business at the end of the day so she can learn that aspect, and also about empathy and as she says - simply what happens!

Funnily enough I know more than one person who did their work experience in a funeral home & went on to work there & build their careers around it. Both are absolutely passionate about their work.

I would speak to the owner of the funeral home, find out what he expects her to be doing and then reassure the school if you are reassured yourself!

It sounds like a brilliant placement for your DD. Because it's what she is interested in learning about. That is the important part of this.
Stuff the school, they don't know everything and don't get everything right
Back her in following her dreams and her interests, and don't allow the system to indoctrinate her into a box they deem fit.
Wishing her all the best with her placement.

It is a good point, and also more importantly, which most posters are not considering, the old lady might not feel able to naturally grieve, or feels she has to mask her grief as she doesn't want to upset the child in the room and loses that last chance to say goodbye the way she wanted.

When people are recently bereaved, emotions can run high, anger being one of them. What happens if a customer takes offence at a child there to "experience" death and grief and asks/is upset if she was involved in preparing their loved one?

Obviously I am not a parent with a child interested in funeral directors, or a funeral director, or even the school. But I am someone who has experienced the almost physical pain of loss and the more I think about this the more I am sure I would not want a child gawping at me, or my deceased loved one, I also wouldn't want put on the spot and be asked if someone could "watch".

If she does go for work experience there it would be inappropriate, and selfish, for her to be near anyone's deceased loved ones or the recently bereaved. If they keep her in a back room doing admin, fair enough.

It sounds good experience. I am sure the staff will allocate her tasks/observations based on the needs of clients and also how she seems to be coping. As has been said, some schools have this on their list of options.

Has a risk assessment been done or not? If not, then one will need to be done before the placement starts. If, at that point, the school aren't happy, they can say that the placement is not done during the official school "work experience" week.

However, that wouldn't stop your DD doing a week of informal work experience in the holidays.

I think your daughter sounds absolutely awesome. If it distresses her in any way she can go home.

I'm sure there's plenty of administration to be done, and the company can be sensible about shielding her from anything distressing. As long as they've thought through what they can and can't do with her, there's probably quite a variety of things she can be doing.

Our local funeral director's son was working with them during the holidays when he was 15.

I would ask the funeral directors to discuss with the school what her placement will look like.

My recent experience when my mother passed was a 90%female team. There were plenty of staff working who were not directly working with families.

There is a lot of organising adminstration and perhaps she may be invited to accompany a staff member when they are not directly with family or deceased.

I was about to recommend these. Fascinating. I am currently reading Hayley Campbell's book 'All the living and the dead' - I'm only about a quarter of the way through it but it's really interesting so far. It's something I've always been drawn to, partly due to the kindness of the funeral directors when I lost my parents - it's such an incredibly important role.

If you and your daughter genuinely think she'll cope, then it should be a very rewarding placement for her. If the staff at the funeral home have any concerns, though, they should obviously have the final say.

How do you think people learn to become funeral directors? They shadow and use people as 'subjects'. How do you think surgeons and pathologists etc learn? They use cadavers as 'subjects'.

I did my work experience in a funeral directors. One had the embalming suite at the back and I helped with those. I spent time in a couple of funeral shops, the head office/accounts, the embalming and fridge area and the coffin/woodworking area. Then I had a visit at the pathololgy department at the local hospital.

My school was fine with it and it was on the board of places we could choose from.

I did want to be a pathologist though.