Easier to make friends in Secondary rather than primary

DD has just stated Y7.

Was the only one from her primary school.

So much happier at secondary already. So many more kids like her. She didn't find anyone she properly clicked with at primary and it got her down by the end as friendship groups had been formed etc and a lot more based around the parents/siblings being friends.

I am nervous for my son. He just started year 8 in a new school and even if kids he says are nice to him he has been spending his lunch breaks and his breaks in general alone. Is there something that that tutor can help I wonder? Who does one talk too in this situation? Or should I just calm down and give it time 🥲? It might just need more time but is hard to hear he eats alone.

@northlondondad1976 that sounds awful. Poor girl. Are school helping her?

I think setting in secondaries is a real mixed bag. In my experience attainment setting, other than maybe for maths, is in year 7 at least less common than whole form group teaching.

My daughter is half-way through year 7 and hasn't made any friends, despite having a large group of good friends at Primary who she still sees. Nobody went from Primary to her new school and despite the education side of things going really well and being a member of a number of sports teams, she just hasn't made any friends. She even wears a watch, as nobody else does, so that people ask her the time, as it's her only social interaction with her classmates.

That's the point, form group is just the start of the morning and assemblies. The rest of the classes are mixed. Hence why it's easier to make different friends

That's the case if most if not all lessons are done in forms. My DC only have morning form time plus 3 hours lessons in their form group. They are mixed up or set for all others. They get to know much wider pool of people. Eg the maths brains all in set 1 etc

Tons of variables. I've had two do it and end up with a mixture of old and new mates. The old ones are from their primary but not people who were in their old form at primary.
Some new had joined alone.
Factors

• size of high
• how many feeder schools.

• his much the school mixes them up in forms - ours is a lot
• whether the school does lessons in forms or mixes them up - our lessons are not in forms & most lessons are different combinations
• how many free lunch clubs etc
• whether the school runs summer transition camps re Sept
• how much the school runs things to help singles find mates

One DD has made much stronger friendships than at primary within a term of high school. The other took longer, made friends in Year 7 she didn't stick with but now has two great groups of friends, one group from her year and one related to her interests.

I think it depends on the dc and the cohort. DD is year 7 now and was the only one from her primary to go to this school. She is outgoing, sporty and made friends quickly. She is very happy. When I transitioned to secondary my friends and I grew apart, I made new friends, but I did not feel like I found my tribe...it was more like friends to pass time. It was not until later when I went to University, when I felt like I made good friends.

My son had bad luck in the primary school friends department. He never really gelled with any of the kids, despite also playing in a football team with a group of them. Secondary school has been a game changer! He’s now y8 and has a wide variety of friends; some in his form, some in other forms and also across the whole school. (And for context, it’s quite a small secondary compared to others). He’s happy and thriving 😀

Yes secondary was so much better for me and everyone I knew. Easier to find your tribe, more going on, more clubs

I don’t think there’s much of a rule of thumb/that it’s east to generalise. In most cases a lot turns on the pot luck that determines who the other 29 kids in your form group are. Making friends outside your form group happen but is unreliable.

As a pp,said, my dd's primary class was very boy heavy so not many girls to befriend. But in secondary, she has got loads of new mates and it has been a really positive experience - so far anyway!

My dd went to a secondary school where she knew not a single child and she made friends quickly. And it was not some lovely leafy school either.

There are loads more kids for a start, there's a higher chance of finding people who have thing in common with you.

I found it easier in secondary school. In primary school it was more like people just bumbled along because it started when you were 4, rather than actually being friends with these people because you’d chosen to. In secondary school people gravitated towards people they actually liked. It wasn’t the norm in my secondary school for people to come up from primary together either, where people did know each other the friendships generally didn’t last beyond the initial weeks.

I've never heard anyone say it is easier at secondary school, and I don't think it is. But a lot comes down to luck, who is in your class, who is in your year, and what the social mix of the school is. It could be that he meets a few like minded kids on his first day and everything just falls into place.

@scottishclive yes, he joined all the clubs. (Well, not the sports ones!), but there is something on every day at lunchtime and after school. It's all free, and he loves it all... chess, engineering, drama, creature care club, debating, book club. I have been so impressed.

I wouldn't have thought so. In primary it's easier as they just seem to bumble along. In secondary cliques form, and there's more division in the classrooms and subjects and sets. As their interests become more diverse friendships change.

Agree - a larger pool meant my DD found her tribe at secondary too.

My kids made friends easily at secondary. By the end of year 7, they had a whole new group and didn’t have much to do with the friends that had moved up from primary with them.

I worried about my daughter settling and meeting new people as she’s very quiet but she made friends with kids like her and their friendships are still going strong in year 10. As a pl said, the larger pool of kids helps.

Secondary schools are a nightmare in lots of ways but the teachers seem really good at getting the kids to mix in form time/lessons so they easily get to know each other ime.

I’ve never heard anyone say that. Ime it isn’t true and most people go to the same school as their friends from primary so already have a friendship group, my son hasn’t really made any friends since starting in September as he was the only one from his primary to go there. And I’ve never heard of this saying but don’t think it’s true at all.