Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

To move or not

32 replies

Newuser75 · 03/03/2024 16:21

So I'm just after some thoughts.
Our son (year six) is in an all through independent school. Very academic school, moderately high pressured.
He is happy there and has some nice friends. He is doing well although not at the top of the class or anything.

He is academically very, very capable but does have some SEN. He has autism, adhd (mainly distraction), visual processing disorder and a few others. He is very distracted by visual stimulus and noise. He doesn't like crowds and a lot of noise distresses him. Has struggled with school refusal and anxiety over the years. There are over 20 children in each class. And about 150 kids in the year in secondary. Pastoral care not so great.

There is another local school, a much smaller school, approximately 12 kids in a class with I think three classes per year. Pastoral care (so I've heard from other parents) is meant to be excellent, they seem to do a lot of extra curricular subjects that really interest him that he couldn't do at his current school.

We think he would do better at the second school due to mainly the smaller classes, more family feel and better pastoral care, less pushy, pressurised environment but are reluctant to move him from a school he has been generally happy at and has a nice friendship group.

He is open to all options.
Thoughts would be welcome.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Original poster
Newuser75 · 07/03/2024 11:53

Thank you for everyone's thoughts.

The smaller school run meet ups for students joining in year seven and there are a couple of transition days.

The only benefits we can see to staying where he is is that he has a nice group of friends and is settled there.

He would definitely have a place at both schools. The smaller one is none selective and the one he is at currently he has already passed the entrance exam for.

The pressurised environment and the fact that we haven't found the pastoral care very good up to this point is a big reason not to stay put!

OP posts:
howmanyshirts · 06/03/2024 21:26

How's the head? How's the senco? If they are not willing then sometimes you have to give up.

I'd go for school B.

Sen and a pressured school is no fun for anxious Sen children.

Would he get into school b as surely all the 11 plus rubbish has finished now. Are you in Surrey?

Hopefully you can have a taster day at school B unless he has amazing friends that he would be devastated to leave at school A I'd defo go school B

Userxyd · 06/03/2024 20:24

Friends wise you should ask about transition days etc for the other smaller school and take phone numbers to meet people in the holidays to help him settle if he moved.
Other than that what are the benefits of his current school, given it's going to be different from year 7 anyway?
The smaller school sounds lovely- I don't get why small and personal isn't more widely recognised as the major asset I think it is!

ILickedItSoItsMine · 04/03/2024 10:57

he has dysgraphia and dyspraxia so finds writing difficult but has recently been allowed to type which is helping

same here. Now he is a very good writer( meaning when he types of course). He had a delay in writing in y3 and y4 because of handwriting difficulties. I remedied it by sending him 2 x a week to tutoring with a brilliant A level pupil. She was half the price paid elsewhere and she is even better than a qualified teacher. He could not write a paragraph at the beginning and now in 45 min writes ( types) over 1 page of quality story with the before it plan

Yes, def private assessment can change a lot if anybody can afford it

Sorry, it looks like we hijacked your thread, OP. Apologies for it:)

Original poster
Newuser75 · 04/03/2024 10:38

@ILickedItSoItsMine that's interesting. My son has good results at school too. Academically he is at expected level or above for all subjects excluding writing (he has dysgraphia and dyspraxia so finds writing difficult but has recently been allowed to type which is helping). He has been given a diagnosis of ADHD. We went privately though not through camhs which may make a difference?

OP posts:
ILickedItSoItsMine · 04/03/2024 10:03

SaffronSpice · 04/03/2024 08:49

I think you have a CAMHS problem. Is it just one clinician? Can you change? If not, what do they say is the cause of the problems he does have? What do the propose to help?

I don't know who is behind as the response was via email. We applied to CAMHS ( long tests done by us and the school). CAMHS responded that they would put it on hold for 12 months because he doesn't have ASD symptoms and for ADHD he has only inattentive symptoms and it is not enough as for ADHD diagnosis he would also need to display hyperactivity. Exact quote:
In terms of ADHD, although there are some difficulties with fidgeting and inattention to certain topics at school, there is a lack of difficulties in other areas associated with ADHD (e.g., impulsivity).

And they also used the fact that he has good results as an excuse why they don't want to process it further at this point

Now we went to a paediatrician who diagnosed him with dyspraxia but also moderate characteristics of Asperger and attention deficit. I have just reapplied through school using the paediatrician document. Probably another 3-6 months will pass before I hear from them again 😫

Original poster
Newuser75 · 04/03/2024 09:03

Phineyj · 04/03/2024 08:55

Have you gone onto the Companies' House website and looked at the school's accounts? If not, do.

That's a good idea, thank you will do that!

OP posts:
Phineyj · 04/03/2024 08:55

Have you gone onto the Companies' House website and looked at the school's accounts? If not, do.

SaffronSpice · 04/03/2024 08:49

I think you have a CAMHS problem. Is it just one clinician? Can you change? If not, what do they say is the cause of the problems he does have? What do the propose to help?

ILickedItSoItsMine · 04/03/2024 08:39

SaffronSpice · 04/03/2024 01:23

The ICD 11 code for it is 6A05.0

For DSM 5 the code is 314.00 (F90.0)

Show quote history

But still it states:
Some hyperactive-impulsive symptoms may also be present, but these are not clinically significant
and my son is not hyperactive at all. CAMHS doesn't believe it is enough to fall under category of ADHD. And that was my experience with them. Without that H aspect they even will not consider

shepherdsangeldelight · 04/03/2024 07:40

36 in a year (are you sure this is right?) is far too small at secondary level. it will limit his options of what he can do. And even the most wonderful of pastoral care can't make him a friend if he doesn't have anything/much in common with any of the 35 others.

That said, I wouldn't want to keep in current school either. Do you have other options?

Original poster
Newuser75 · 04/03/2024 06:55

Phineyj · 04/03/2024 06:48

These are both private schools?

My concern would be that a school that small is not financially viable, especially if/when the VAT on fees comes in.

Yes, both private. And yes, that's a concern as there will be probably many people who then can't afford fees.

OP posts:
Phineyj · 04/03/2024 06:48

These are both private schools?

My concern would be that a school that small is not financially viable, especially if/when the VAT on fees comes in.

Original poster
Newuser75 · 04/03/2024 06:42

cansu · 04/03/2024 06:37

If he doesn't find his tribe in the small school he will be miserable. It doesn't sound big enough yo provide a decent peer group. Plus it is surely vulnerable to closure down the line.

Yes those are concerns we have.

OP posts:
cansu · 04/03/2024 06:37

If he doesn't find his tribe in the small school he will be miserable. It doesn't sound big enough yo provide a decent peer group. Plus it is surely vulnerable to closure down the line.

Original poster
Newuser75 · 04/03/2024 06:29

incognito119 · 04/03/2024 06:12

I would move him. From personal experience, when anxiety and hormones and SEN issues are in the mix at secondary school, you need a school that will support and help you. Better to move him now then try and find a space in a years time if it all goes wrong. Can he stay at both schools for 6th form if he wants to?
have you spoken to head of SEN at the other school to see how they would support him?

Thank you. Yes we have and it seems positive. I'm just trying not to think that the grass is always greener! It's so difficult.

OP posts:
incognito119 · 04/03/2024 06:12

I would move him. From personal experience, when anxiety and hormones and SEN issues are in the mix at secondary school, you need a school that will support and help you. Better to move him now then try and find a space in a years time if it all goes wrong. Can he stay at both schools for 6th form if he wants to?
have you spoken to head of SEN at the other school to see how they would support him?

SaffronSpice · 04/03/2024 01:23

ILickedItSoItsMine · 03/03/2024 22:33

apparently, there is not such thing as ADHD inattentive type. CAMHS believes that it to label ADHD needs to be also hyperactivity. Our CAMHS application via school was refused on that basis. My son is not hyperactive ( yet inattentive) and educationally he is on all subjects = or +

Edited

The ICD 11 code for it is 6A05.0

For DSM 5 the code is 314.00 (F90.0)

ILickedItSoItsMine · 03/03/2024 22:33

apparently, there is not such thing as ADHD inattentive type. CAMHS believes that it to label ADHD needs to be also hyperactivity. Our CAMHS application via school was refused on that basis. My son is not hyperactive ( yet inattentive) and educationally he is on all subjects = or +

SaffronSpice · 03/03/2024 22:19

ILickedItSoItsMine · 03/03/2024 17:40

>adhd (mainly distraction),

ADHD is not only distraction. It has that H in the acronym name. The child is hyper. Whereas ADD ( without H) is a characteristics of many learning difficulties.

The official diagnosis for ADHD without hyperactivity is not ADD, it is ADHD (inattentive type)

Original poster
Newuser75 · 03/03/2024 22:05

PuttingDownRoots · 03/03/2024 21:35

36 children per year could be very limiting at Secondary.
For example... how much choice do they get for GCSEs?
Sports teams, orchestras etc... can they form those?

Yes they have sports teams etc. actually seem to have more subjects that he enjoys, specialist teachers. It's literally only the friends that concerns me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newuser75 · 03/03/2024 22:04

minipie · 03/03/2024 21:32

What is the SEN support like at the two schools? You really want somewhere with a SEN dept that is proactive and knows their stuff on his issues. Somewhere that isn’t happy with him just about managing, but wants to help him access his full potential. Somewhere that regularly checks he is ok rather than waiting for an issue to arise.

Some private schools are not great with SEN in practice, whatever they promise.

The school he is currently at, honestly not great. We have had a battle to get things put in place for him.
The other school, only going off hearsay and what they say, a lot better, but obviously you don't know for sure until you get there.

OP posts:
GreenRaven · 03/03/2024 21:41

Never move a happy child

TigerOnTour · 03/03/2024 21:38

Stay with the school he's at. If there are problems later you can move. 150 is quite small for a secondary and will provide a variety of friends, specialist teachers and subjects for him.

PuttingDownRoots · 03/03/2024 21:35

36 children per year could be very limiting at Secondary.
For example... how much choice do they get for GCSEs?
Sports teams, orchestras etc... can they form those?