Any regrets AFTER being at a super selective school?

One of mine went to all girls one for 6th form and she said it was like a brain washed cult!!

Didn't get amazing grades due to Covid tbh

DD went to a super selective. She was diagnosed with autism in y8. Couldn't cope with Covid lockdows and the back and forth of in school / school closed. And then when they returned full time there was no support and it was all about being there and getting the grades. She refused to return in y9 and hasn't had an education since. Very upsetting.

DD thrived at her all girls SS Grammar. It did help that she chose the school, it was aLao our geographically closest secondary school so she didn’t have long days. She chose to stay for sixth form she was so happy there and now Y1 at Uni. It wasn’t as hot house as the boys equivalent school. Some of the girls who wanted a change and moved to the boys sixth form (both are co-Ed at sixth form) regretted it. The independent she left in Y6 had a senior school and had more oroblems than the grammar so as others have said it is very school specific and whether the DC is the right fit.

One of mine went to a SS.
I wish we hadn’t done it.

My three boys are at/went to one - but it has excellent pastoral care and aims to produce a holistic child, not just a hot housed one. We turned down another SS for my eldest because we felt it was all about pressure and grades. DS1 is at Cambridge and feels the pressure but thrives on it. DS2 is more artistic and creative and is given space to do that - he will get good grades, but not stellar ones like DS1. DS3 is a law unto himself - he takes advantage of all of the extracurricular stuff (fencing, debating, sport, drama etc) but the good teaching, not so much ;-). He's in Y9 so there is time for him to realise he has to make the effort himself - which is very much what the school teach them.

My DD went to an all girls selective grammar - she could have gone to the superselective one, but chose not to. I don't know whether it's the single sex element of the school or the particular school but it wasn't happy (until 6th form) and I think in hindsight, we may have made different choices.

So, I think it probably depends on the school - but also your individual child.

Literally everyone I knew at Oxford (where I went from a sink estate school, incidentally) who went to Withington Girls seems to have come out of it with excellent A levels and an eating disorder.

I’m still in touch with some of them nearly 30 years on, and last year I visited one in hospital where she was an in-patient, not for the first time, because her organs had started to shut down.

Eating disorders particularly rife sadly

I think it really depends on the school. We have a few in our area, and I picked where my son now goes based on the fact that there was a strong emphasis on character growth and pastoral care. The others really only spoke about their impressive facilities and grades.

It's still quite early on but I've found the school to be brilliant so far.

My son went to one for sixth form. He had a top class education, made friends, got excellent A levels and went on to university. All open days, etc., mentioned their super pastoral care but he said it didn’t really happen and you either dealt with that environment or didn’t - no middle ground. His sibling couldn’t have coped with it but he enjoyed it. So, it depends very much on the child in our specific case.

My dds went to one. There was less pressure and workload from the school then any of my friends’ dc. It’s been amazing and I would pick it again in a heartbeat. So pastorally strong, kind, supportive. Got the best from my dds. I can’t fault it. So good their friends want to work but they support each other. Totally suited them both.,

I went to a highly selective independent school on a full scholarship. I was a bit shy, but overall I enjoyed my school days, had a nice group of friends, got excellent exam results and went on to Cambridge.

I worked in the City for years, and there was a 100% correlation between two schools in particular, and eating disorders. I wouldn’t be sending my DDs to one if they paid me £20k a year, let alone charging me for the experience.

I went to a grammar school - I don’t think they had the SS tag then. I was awful and maths and science, my mum had me tutored heavily to get through the exam. My clever sister was already at the school.

I didn’t hate it as I was good at English type subjects however they never offered me any extra help, I felt so stupid constantly compared to the other kids and my confidence in life has struggled. As soon as I could give up the subjects I hated at a level I enjoyed it more.

I think I would have had more and better support at a less academic school.

My son is at one and it has been amazing. It is a smaller one and the pastoral care is incredible. We have 3 super selectives that the exam covers but we picked this one because it had such a lovely caring feel to it.

I went to a bog standard comprehensive, but I went on to Oxford, so met a lot of people from super selective schools. I am very, very grateful for my educational background, because I was relatively mentally tough, and was able to feel more pride in my academic achievements, because I didn't feel like I'd been spoon-fed.

It was very hard going from top of the class to middle of the road, and I'm glad that happened to me at 18, not at 11, when I think I would have found it more difficult to manage.

My son is at one, it’s early days but so far it’s very good for him.

The school is very focused on character education and wellbeing and try’s to play down academic competition.

That said the boys do compare grades, my son is towards the top of the cohort so perhaps that influences how he feels, I imagine it might feel quite different for those highly tutored to get in and struggling to keep up boys.

I went to a super-selective.

The first year was hard for my 11yo ego because all of a sudden I was mid-class rather than coming top in everything, but probably good for me as a person. I can imagine I would have been a very conceited teen otherwise. 🙂

And I got the degree and the career I wanted.

The main issue I had was my friends were scattered over 3 counties so socially it wasn't easy. It was hard to maintain friendships.

I went to a super selective. I have excellent gcse & a level results. They really mean nothing to my life now. I also still have the eating disorder I got due to the pressure & expectation. That affects my life daily. I didn’t make the same choice for my dc.

My eldest is in one, it's been terrible. All they care about is the grades, not the fact they have an issue with bullying and violence. Mental health is an inconvenience to them.

My middle child is at an "room to improve" school with a bad reputation, and it's bloody brilliant! He's thriving, any bullying is dealt with swiftly and it's about the child not the grade. I'm relieved that my youngest has gotten into this school..