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Original poster

Year 6 child - secondary school worries

33 replies

Hopepark · 08/02/2024 22:13

I wasn't sure whether to post on the primary or secondary thread for this, but hope that here some people may be able to give me advice from experience/hindsight - or solidarity!

My Yr6 child is already getting really worried about secondary school.
They will be moving from a small village primary to a large state secondary that they will be able to walk easily to, have local friends etc. I believe that it’s the right school for them, the best 'fit', has the best opportunities and it has an excellent reputation so we are lucky, but it is possible that they might be the only child from their primary going there (we live in a different secondary catchment area from most of their classmates).

How on earth can I help them, other than just listening and not trying to dismiss how they are feeling? I'm sure it will likely work out fine in the end but obviously this is not guaranteed and saying that really isn't going to help at the moment - they can't believe it. Should I speak to the school ahead of them starting to raise it with them or would that be OTT?

Also feeling mum guilt that we moved to a different area (trying to do the best in terms of secondary options….) and that I should have thought more carefully about moving them to a more local primary school ahead of secondary. They were just very happy and settled at the other primary and wanted to stay there and we can still get to it easily.

Anyone been through similar?

OP posts:
BlueChampagne · 09/02/2024 13:03

This happened to mine too. They got their first phone after SATs so they could swap numbers with their primary school friends. DD didn't stay in touch with her primary friends, but DS has. I also have a WhatsApp group with his primary buddies' parents' numbers, to arrange the odd cinema/bowling etc date at half term/weekends.

Paradiddlediddle · 09/02/2024 12:56

They really do change such a lot. Once they’ve got offers they start to become attached to their new school. There’s a huge amount that goes on between now and July and they really will be ready to move on. The new school will have transition days/settling in and make it exciting.

Comedycook · 09/02/2024 12:54

I don't think it really matters. I found in the first couple of days at secondary school, kids stick to their old primary classmates because of familiarity, but this fades out pretty quickly as they start to make new friends. My dd is quite a shy girl and was very nervous about making friends at secondary school but it's actually been much better than I expected. There is a much wider pool of kids to be friends with which gives a better chance at meeting people they really gel with. My dd is actually happier at secondary school than primary.

TeenDivided · 09/02/2024 12:49

DD's old secondary school:

They take children from around 40 primary schools, though the bulk come from about 5 or 6.
The school knows which children have come up with nobody and keep an extra eye on them.
Many children break with their old primary friends anyway for a new start / more exciting new friends.
Transition days are used to help DC get to know each other before the summer which makes the first days less scary.

No point worrying until after May half term really.

whiteboardking · 08/02/2024 23:18

Once you have your offer etc then yes flag it to the head of transition. They seriously won't be the only one going solo and high schools have had this hundreds of times. Tell her to just not think about it for now. They change a lot by July

Original poster
Hopepark · 08/02/2024 22:46

I have suggested this, we got offered a place but unfortunately they wouldn't go because of not knowing anybody! I really thought it was a good idea and we had a discussion about the rationale behind it, but unfortunately no. We are now going for joining a group that some of the primary friends do go to, because I figure that will be a nice way of keeping in touch with them and they won't feel that all contact is lost.

OP posts:
lanthanum · 08/02/2024 22:32

Can you get her into guides or some other club in your new area, so that she begins to meet people who might be at her secondary?

FleaDog · 08/02/2024 22:21

Can ypu move their primary school.to integrate with future classmates?

Def speak to new high school, some schools do extra taster days or weeks in tje holidays for clusters of pupils that will venefit from extra time with new faces and getting used to new surroundings.

Often after a few weeks at high school tje primary friendships start to loosen and new friendships form, so hopeully it will go well for your dc.

Clubs, clubs, clubs, meet like minded people in a much moe informal environment.

Dont promise them it will be fine and that it will be great straightaway. There might be a few bumpy weeks, acknowledge your dc might be nervous and you'll always help them.

Good luck! We moved our dc1 out of high school mid year to a new school where then knew absolutrly nobody due to issues at their old high school.

A few times they were teary but it ended up being te right choice.