Year 6 child - secondary school worries

I think it’s quite difficult to meet dc in advance and then hook up with them at school. It’s too big for that. As not going isn’t an option, I just think being positive about friends and possibilities is the best way to go. So many dc move away from primary friends anyway. Mine both went to a school with no other friends from y6. Just didn’t look back. They accepted the challenge and made new friends. It’s difficult not to worry but it’s important to help them move successfully and there’s not a huge amount you can do except tell the school that DD doesn’t know anyone.

Hi - I completely understand your worries as I felt them too.
We moved areas as my daughter left Year 6. As a Year 6 teacher .. all my friends wondered what I was doing !
It was hard for her for about 5 mins .. on Transition Day she was in a red uniform and everyone else was in blue or green . We moved from Surrey to Sussex . When I look back now my heart skips a beat at what a big move it was and how brave my daughter was.
On that day she made 3 friends … 2 of them are still very close to her.
She is now 21 and says it is the best thing we ever did!

I'm a secondary teacher in a rural area, and every year we do have children coming up not knowing anyone else. They do soon fit in and make friends, but as you say, telling your child that now doesn't help, and you've got months of anxiety to go.

I do think if you can get your child to join a club in your new area it will help- would they try it with bribery or similar?

The other thing I would do at the moment is downplay the issues e.g. "school hasn't been allocated yet, we don't know who is going where, maybe one of your friends will be going etc"- I know this just pushes the issue down the road, but they may be worrying about a scenario that won't happen anyway?

You can often get in an extra 'visit' by buying tickets to the school show at easter, or any other event that is run at that school. Eg some clubs not part of the school may use the school facilities.

Do you know of any other parents (neighbours? friends of friends?) with children who are also going to the new school? It's a good time now for both of you to develop those friendships. Invite them over, invite them out.

Yes, further to poster's dc walking round at lunch to look buy rather than stood about on tjeir own, I told dc to take a book with tjem, then at lunch if they were on their own they could sit and read and look engaged, rather than sat doing nothing, so less self conscious, plus a couple of times other solo bookworms came and sat with them.

If it helps any - better this way around than the way I was - thrilled to be going to a school where I could get away from the kids I'd been at primary school with.

Hope transition days serve well to reassure your child.

Both my children went to a secondary that no one else went to. There is usually a transition day where all year 6s attend the secondary in July. All the current year 7s move up to their new year 8 class etc. There are also usually additional mornings or days for children who are not coming from the feeder primaries and were held after the transition day, so they knew their new classmates by sight and also who else might be on their own.

As a form they all move round to their classes together at least for the first couple of weeks so stick with those from your class as they walk through the corridors. Ds stuck to the kid who sat next to him in form, he was from a feeder primary so Ds just tagged along with him at both break and lunch and the had a small group of kids to hang around with.

Ds2 didn't have a friendly kid so he just followed the mass of his class but at break rather than standing alone he just walked round so it looked like he was heading somewhere. There were also clubs on at lunch that he could go to. After 2 weeks some kid said I always see you walking around, are you ok, Ds said yes just don't know anyone, kid asked which school he came from and they are still mates and in year 13.

The other thing to do is in school holidays or on the weekend is walk up to the school, get used to the route so it feels really familiar when they come to do it on their own. Later on they can work out times, by X time I need to be at this roundabout or crossing this road. Ds1 was walking home with some kids who just walked the same route as him, I think one was year 8 but it is just familiar faces and everyone walking in the same direction.

When school allocation day is over find out who else is going to the school and if no one put feelers out through other parents to see if anyone knows anyone else who is going.

Honestly, by break time they'll have got to know a couple of other children who may well not know anyone else. They'll be absolutely fine. By the second week you'll wonder why you were worried!

Don't worry, they'll make friends in their tutor group and classes. They will be closely supported in the first few weeks in terms of processes and procedures. They won't be the only child who doesn't know someone. By the end of the first day, they will have got to know others.
It really isn't a problem for most children.

DD's school did an extra transition day for "onlies". That helped as the group was much smaller and they were all in that situation.

If he has a phone, you can write his phone number on post its to hand out to the children he clicks with on transition. Then, if they get in contact with him you can arrange some meetups over the summer. Some kids might come with an established friend group (from primary) and he might be able to just slip in like that.

How will he travel to school? That's another way in which he can make friends.

My DC's school did an extra transition day for children that wouldn't know anyone else. It's worth speaking to the school to ask if they do anything like that and ensure she's flagged for it.

She probably will make friends and settle, so it's a case of managing her anxiety now.

I have a DD in first year of secondary, while most kids from her primary did go to the school it turned out that my DD would be in a class with not one person from her primary school. She absolutely loves school now and has made loads of new friends and couldn't be happier. Kids will always make new friends and rarely keep the friends from primary.

I do agree that in secondary a lot of the primary school friends go by the wayside. My dc school has around 500 pupils in each year so they're very unlikely to even have classes with any of their old friends, meaning within a few weeks they've already made new ones from different primaries. What is most interesting, when I look at their friendship groups now (one year 11 and one at uni) their closest friends are ones made in around year 10 onwards. Even the new ones made in year 7 and 8 changed again.

My son moved to secondary with only 2 kids from his primary who weren't in his new tutor group. We knew what tutor group they were going into and a.proactive paremt posted in on the schools FB page about organising a summer meet up. We actually did two to give the boys a chance to get to know each other a bit beforehand and made the first day at Big school a little less daunting. Worked really well.for us, maybe something you could instigate .

We hold an extra transition day for students coming as the only one or two from their primary, lots of the local secondaries do. It’s very normal for secondaries but do flag up that your child is feeling a bit nervous so they can keep an eye out.

DD us in Yr 7. We chose a school that none of her friends were going to. The first 3 weeks were tough but syr soon found a great group of new friends and had outgrown a lot of her primary school ones anyway.
Don't dismiss his feelings but focus on the positives ie new opportunities etc.
DD also moved from a small village primary but we also chose a small secondary 2 form entry so that the change wouldn't be as big.

My youngest daughter is year 7 and was the only one from her primary to go to the secondary school we enrolled her to (older dd already there). I was so worried but she made friends within days. She has joined lots of clubs which has helped..

I can't really help you but we are in a similar situation with our DS6. He currently attends the small local primary school in my parents village which is about 10miles from our home and in a different catchment area. (I work 12hr day and nights so this was the best option as always someone to do school run) so when it comes to secondary school he will either have to move to a local one to us where none of his friends will be or go to one where his friends go but which will be 15-18 miles from home depending which one he attended. Its a headache.

Personally I'd rather send my kids to a school that isn't as good but has their friends there. If your kid is confident and makes friends easily then obviously the better school is the best option.

We had this exact same situation, with my daughter, quite tearful during year six about the idea of transitioning to big school.

Like you, I tried to listen and not dismiss her. Once she actually moved up, it was great, no looking back. She still friends with one person from primary, but it really didn't take long at all before the kids all started to integrate in the new school.

My son was the only child from his primary to go to his secondary last September. It has been brilliant for him, loved the opportunity to reinvent himself, loves being in a bigger school with more going on, found an awesome new group of friends and is so happy.

I teach year 6 in a very, very tiny primary school. Our leavers tend to go to a range of secondary schools, so tend to be moving up in ones and twos.
The fear is very real. Every school that our children move to works hard with the feeder primaries to ensure a smooth transition. They all meet the children, have transition days and organise form groups to ensure that all children including the ones moving up alone are fully supported.
I would speak to both schools about the transition.
the children I have who are in at least one club (eg sport, scouts etc) with others at the new school tend to feel a little more relaxed - just because they recognise a face from day one. If you could try to organise this it would be helpful. The secondary may be able to allocate your daughter a “buddy” to travel to school with - possibly someone who’ll be in the same form.
good luck 🤞

This happened to us last year.. my daughter was the only child going from very small village primary (8 in year!) to over 270 in secondary.. all due to weird catchment areas where we live.. she’s loved it. She found the first week a little challenging in terms of not knowing anyone and spent a little time alone at lunch but was quickly adopted by a group of friends in her tutor and is so much happier. I was far more worried than she was.. honestly was almost at point of panic attacks over it but it’s been great. Will cross fingers for your child 🤞focus on being positive for your child.. don’t pass on any of your fears and if they can get anyone’s phone numbers in their taster days ensure they have a meet up before school starts or swap numbers with other parents if you get the chance to meet the tutor group etc as most of their lessons will likely be with the children in their tutor group.. good luck.. from the other side it’s been a positive experience here..