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Original poster

Didn't get place - I'm gutted

34 replies

nodogz · 06/02/2024 14:07

Found out my child didn't get a place for their indie school and I need advice to manage my feelings.

We've had a tense time at their state primary (something happened that wasn't acceptable and they have done their best to sweep under the carpet). We didn't set out for indie and we've had to adjust our expectations. There was just one school they wanted to apply to so we've supported and made some financial planning to pay for it.

Despite people telling us that if you can pay you're in (we're northern) - we have been practicing 11+ papers and interviews for timings and to spot silly mistakes. Scores have been consistently +75% average. So not scholarship level but not bad either.

I'm gutted for them. They tried so hard despite having a hard time at their current school. Put themselves through hours of prep. They really enjoyed the assessment and said the tests were easier than what they practised. They are sporty and social so loved the group assessments and interview.

I'm waiting to hear from the admissions office to see if they bombed their assessments. Possibly places were limited and my child would place after the very brightest ones, siblings etc. I do understand this is all a bit "my diamond shoes are too tight" but i am surprised at the strength of my feelings. I didn't realise how much I wanted them to have a fresh start. I expect our state options will be not be positive either. I have told them how proud I am for their attitude and that I'm sorry it didn't work out for them but any other advice? Home ed? Move house?

OP posts:
Maybeicanhelpyou · 06/02/2024 15:57

Speak to admissions, but don’t be emotional. Explain to your child that things in life happen for a reason, even if it’s not obvious now! The work that has been put in certainly will put them in good stead moving forward with whatever you decide to do, so that effort and resilience which has been developed hasn’t been wasted. Play the long game.

Bewler · 06/02/2024 14:50

Just wanted to say I’m sorry and you will not be alone in experiencing the crushing feeling that comes after a perceived “rejection” of your child, especially when they worked so hard and it still wasn’t enough. The 11+ can be a brutal experience for kids and parents. Just do your best to damage control how your child feels about this and hide your disappointment from them. Get onto admissions and see if there’s any hope.

djembebonkers · 06/02/2024 14:27

Honestly it could just have been a bad day. We had 3 days to prep for the entrance to our academic school but for CAT test scores DD was way above what they were looking for and have as an average cohort. She did however know she had done badly in at least 1 paper, so failing it also made her realise she can't just coast (doesn't sound like your DC did this at all, just trying to see any positives).

If it wasn't the right fit, keep looking and hopefully it will become clear when you speak to admissions.

djembebonkers · 06/02/2024 14:22

Try to keep perspective. DD didn't get in to a very academic school when we had to move quite suddenly for safeguarding issues. Found out last week that that school has now dropped her favourite subject, so she would have been miserable. Sometimes these things work out for a reason.

Original poster
nodogz · 06/02/2024 14:20

Im genuinely stunned. In a way I hope they have bombed the exams as at least that offers some explanation of why.

My child only wanted this school so had worked to show how they were a good fit (values, research etc). They put more into it than I would for a job interview and they are only 10. Really pushed themselves out of their comfort zone. I'm gutted for them.

OP posts:
RainbowsAndSkittles · 06/02/2024 14:17

Firstly, well done to your dc, sounds like they've tried so hard. Entrance exams are frustrating, and so many things can happen on the day. I remember ds telling me he found the constant pencil tapping/toe tapping really annoying and kept distracting him during his 11+. (I don't think it was that bad, but it just showed how tense it must have been).

If you've applied for somewhere like MGS, I believe it is very competitive, but there will be children that have other schools they've either sat exams for or state schools they have as back up.

Once parents start accepting places, there will definitely be movement, and you may find you're allocated a space.

Hope it all works out for your dc 😊

Jioyt · 06/02/2024 14:13

Sorry, no advice, but sending you a big hug. I know what it means to do your best and still come up short. Mt mum used to sat, when one door closes, God opens a window :-). I hope a nice window opens up for your dc.

Original poster
nodogz · 06/02/2024 14:11

I don't think so or we didn't even make the cut for a waitlist. I'm waiting to speak with admissions to see if I can find out more.

OP posts:
ElevenSeven · 06/02/2024 14:08

Is there a waitlist? It’s common for people to sit lots of entrance exams (where we are, anyway) so there is always a bit of movement after the acceptance dates