Should I put my average child through 11+?

I work with many immigrants. They do not believe that any child is incapable of passing the 11+ and getting into a grammar school ( Kent). SEN aside. The skills of maths, verbal and non verbal reasoning can be taught and honed with practice. Read Matthew Syed, no child should be written off as "average" at 11, much less at 8.

How can time spent studying or learning how to study ever be "wasted" ?

Once in the grammar school the pace and depth of learning are greater than in non-selective schools, it can be hard to stay a float. Also, kids compare themselves with those at the top of the class who are very often exceptionally bright, making themselves feel inadequate or stupid.

Does he want to do it? I asked my son and he said he'd give it a bash. My son is reasonably intelligent but not a massively high achiever. I don't have the money for tutors or anything like that.

I just said to him that it was up to him and I'd support him. I've made sure that he knows that it's just an exam and not indicative of his worth in general. I've told him there are many good schools around that some of hie friends are attending that aren't grammar schools. So its not the end of the world if he doesn't pass the exam. I've no idea if he will or won't pass the exam. But he's a wonderful boy and I'm sure he will do well at whatever school he ends up at. It's really up to him if he wants to give this exam a go. I'm not particularly invested in him going there. I attended a grammar school (a different one to the one my son likes) and I did not like it. My son just likes the look of this school as we drive past it every day and it has beautiful grounds backing onto the park. If he wants to try and go there he can do and of course I'd be very proud of him if he did get in. But I'm keeping chill about it. He's such a sweet boy ill be proud of him whatever he does

My DD is working a year or two above her age excpected level and no way am I getting her to do the 11plus. I was with teens and the proportion having serious mental health difficulties due to pressure is so worrying. Mine are all going to the good comprehensive schools and hopefully keeping healthy.

I regret doing it with my "above average" DS tbh. He missed each exam by a few marks, and was very upset. To make it worse, his older brother got in with no extra work a few years back. There's no real difference between them academically.
He'd also done a fair bit of extra work in preparation, which was effectively wated time. I wish I hadn't made him do it.

Also I’m so lucky to live in an area with great comps! It helps and good luck!

No … grammar schools are not the place for average children to thrive. A. If they are average the competition will be too high if they get into school 2) probably won’t get in as even the very clever and gifted struggle to get a place.
my child is in the “gifted “ category ..,I never put her through 11plus as I don’t need that affirmation of her intelligence. I wanted her to do fun stuff on weekends as the revision for sats was enough. At 9 they still need a childhood and it’s alot of work for the kids and parents! Sometimes I regret it but I did ask her and she said no as she didn’t want to spend hours travelling to a grammar school.

I would say no, unless he really, really wants to give it a try.

I tutor children for entrance exams for Birmingham grammar schools. It's so important that secondary school pupils feel comfortable with the academic level.

Those who are over-tutored are not going to cope by themselves once they are there.

It's not just about getting in, it's about thriving when he's there. If he scrapes through and then he's at the bottom of his classes he'll struggle and be unhappy.

I used to be top of my class at junior school. Passed the 11+, no problem. However I never went to a selective grammar as my parents sent me to private schools, so I never was in a class of exclusively bright kids - I remained near the top of a mixed bunch. Gave me a huge sense of superiority.
Then I went to university and it made me realise how average I actually was. It was a really nasty shock.
I'd say if your child isn't obviously above average or needs tuition to get through the 11+ don't make a big thing of it. If they want to try, fine... but many people don't fit the grammar school niche, yet are bright and talented in other ways.
Don't make them anxious or feel a failure , you are not doing them any favours putting them in a situation where they'll probably never succeed well.

I think it's worth a try. There are definitely "average" children in my DC's grammars, and below average. I wouldn't say mine are particularly bright but they are certainly not bottom of the class, about average in all the classes. It's worth a try.

There are very few state grammars in the Greater London area, all in outer boroughs. Is it even feasible to get him there?

On the other hand, extra maths and English practice like Bond books or something will help them in the future wherever they end up - as long as you make sure they know it’s a long shot and fine whether they pass or not.

For context, my boys were described as average/expected by teachers in primary and I also didn’t want to stress them out. Then they got greater depth in their SATS without any extra work at all - so I’m now feeling guilty for not encouraging them to work a bit and have a go!

I would, because the skills he gains in revision and sitting exams will stand him in good stead for the yearly exams he starts in year 7.

I would go and have a look around both the grammar and your local comprehensive options. Talk to parents with kids at the local schools. It really helps you feel more comfortable with these decisions if you have as full a picture on all your options as possible. School visits are usually all held in Sept/Oct but you could check with your Education Authority.

Anecdotally, the only Grammar school option near to me is super selective and I only know one child who's ever got in from my children's state primary. They seemed to be exceptionally bright. BUT that doesn't mean a child shouldn't try if they really want to. As someone else said above, there shouldn't be fear in failure if its approached in the right way, and you can protect them from feeling any pressure.

Which grammars are you talking about? If super selective eg Tiffin then definitely not. If not, then why not ask your son what he would like to do?

No I wouldn't. My child is top at his school, worked relatively hard and still didn't make it. The kids that get in tend to be either naturally really super bright or worked very very hard by a tutor. Having been through it I would say save yourself and your child the pain of it all.

I wouldn't, we live in an area where it's generally expected that everyone puts their kids through it's (at 2 or 3 different exams - catholic, different consortiums etc) and the outcomes at are as expected. Out of each primary school class of 30, 6 passed for grammar. If your child isn't in the top 20% if his /her cohort they won't pass - and if they do, they'll likely struggle to keep up while there.

I have 3 kids who went to grammar, one of whom has struggled with self esteem issues being in such a high performing cohort.

If it's not right for them as individuals they're better elsewhere.

the OP describes him as quite average, so presumably not! I agree though, unless working significantly ahead it isn’t a good idea.

You could go for it if you think he’d have the work ethic and is easy going enough not to be out off by the whole process.
If I was doing practice papers with DD, I’d focus on familiarity with format/skills tested and increasing in speed.
Being called average at y4 doesn’t necessarily translate to not doing well in an entrance exam.

How does he feel about it? If he's happy to have a stab at it, without putting himself under a ton of pressure, then go for it. If he's likely to find it very stressful, don't.