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Original poster

Destroying Daughters life

55 replies

sef23 · 28/01/2024 03:06

Hi everyone, the title is not meant to be headline grabbing, its really what i feel im doing. This is a 1st world problem, i know theres a lot going on in the world and we are lucky to be alive and healthy. For years ive struggled with the childrens schooling. We are in WALES , DS & DD both in welsh school, made the incredible difficult decision to put son in Private English, he hated it, struggled with the conversion to english, but is now ok as he has always stayed in touch with his friends outside of school as the private school kids live all over the place and they do not socialise outside of school. Hes sort of accepted his fate.

DS on the other hand is way out of her depth, She was taken out of welsh in year 5 and struggled all year. Really struggled. The kids in year 5 operate about 2 years ahead. We were gonna put her back in Welsh in year 6 but then thought shes lost a year of welsh! and had one eye on secondary school and the local comprehensive is terrible. She is shouting screaming lashing out as she doesnt understand the predicament she is in. She called herslef the 'stupidest girl in the class' last year.

As again the private school girls dont meet up outside of school, and we still live in the same locality (small welsh village) all the local girls her old friend dont really want to know her anymore bar 1 or 2 as its a village the kids go out, meet up, yes - at 10 yrs old. Shes also missed their school trips etc and feels lonely, left out and doesnt have a best friend. We thought that she would have the best of both worlds. See s her old friends and gets a good education. She doesnt understand whats she learning in private and her teacher informed she is about 3 years behind!

What do i do??? put her back in her comfort spot being her old school? where now her welsh is back to basic. Leave her where she is? where she is at the bottom of her class? will she get better? will she catch up - yes with alot of external effort and daily tuition yes maybe.

I had her accepted after xmas, so start back Jan 8th. I didnt know what to do drove her mad with false hope and said to myself im gonna stick with the private school it will help her in the long run and put her back.

But this week all of her old friends are going cinema to watch mean girls and one of her old friends added her to a snapchat group and another girl said why, we dont want DS to go and it devastated her.

Do i put her education first or let her struggle for years with the hope she gets good grades at A level to become something somewhere eg pharmacy law dr, i mean thats why shes in private.

Do i listen to my gut and pull her out? do i put her in an english state primary and let her start all over again? make new friends again? do i leave her in private. Do i put her back in her welsh school?

Please help.

Thank you

OP posts:
Lamplight101 · 28/01/2024 09:36

Three years sounds a great deal to be behind at that age and I would want to explore that further. Had the indie perhaps spotted some sort of SEN that might have been missed in the previous larger class sizes. Did the teacher simply say she is three years behind or was it more "she appears to struggle with [ ] and a recent assessment that we did suggested she was up to three years behind where we would expect in that area". Getting to the bottom of that would be an early priority for me. If there is an issue and steps are taken to address it then it might play into the wider confidence issue. Might returning to the early school be paving over the cracks. I would also be aware of changing group dynamics at that age - might there be a hint of jealousy on the part of the other children is the indie offers much more by way of extra curricular and a fancy uniform etc. (I say this as someone also from a small Welsh village by the way). My first step would be a sit down and a cup of tea and chat with the current school head master to talk over the options. Yes take into account your daughter's view but she is only 10.

Ponderingwindow · 28/01/2024 03:53

Why is she behind?

WandaWonder · 28/01/2024 03:48

Does she want to do medicine etc. or is this what you want?

Notalldogs23 · 28/01/2024 03:46

You're focusing on her university and eventual career- pharmacy, law or medicine - but private school at age 10 isn't going to guarantee any of these and you don't seem to be taking her interests or abilities into account in planning her future.

She's miserable and has lost self- confidence at the private school, so I think you need to pull her from that and focus on rebuilding her self-confidence and making friends.

Did you tell her she could go back to her old school this term and then change your mind? If so, you need to rebuild trust with her. Ask her views on secondary school and really listen. If the local comp really is out of the question, would you move to a village/town with better schools, and save on school fees.

lostontheunderground89 · 28/01/2024 03:30

What does she say she wants? She's at an age where you can have this conversation with her, and she'll be aware of things like if her old friends at the Welsh school will accept her back or not

Staying in the private and paying sounds like a total waste - she's miserable and behind and isolated, so it's not sounding like the ideal choice

I'd also be cautious of moving to a third school. What do the secondary schools in the area look like? Do people from the Welsh school progress on to the same one?