1 in 5 children missing school

Also our kids are in school in the UK for more days in the year than many other countries. We lived overseas for a while and enjoyed the 3 month long summer holidays as well as days off for parent teacher conferences among other things. Parents were trusted to make decisions for their kids even if that included a duvet day every now and then. Now we’re back and my DD is not showing signs of being behind and yet she’s spent significantly less time in school over the previous few years than her peers here.

COVID showed me just how much of the school day is spent not really doing meaningful learning. But we’re still expected to believe that every hour they miss not being in school will put them at a huge disadvantage . I’m not sure that’s true. Certainly not in all cases.

Schools are not always very nice places to be but parents are blamed if the child won’t or can’t go to school. Teachers are leaving in their droves… they clearly don’t want to be there but our kids are meant to be immune to this and just crack on with surviving rather than thriving in a system that seems to what to churn out robots who can regurgitate content rather than young people who love learning.

My 8 year old has not attended now for 4 months due to unmet Sen needs. I am fighting every day, constant emails calls etc, people always in my house which I struggle with. I will do anything to get him a school place where he can manage, currently the EHCP draft is with the head of service for our council to decide if he can get the place that has been offered. I have been fighting for 2 years for this. But people only see him at home with me, I have been called lazy and it has been suggested that I just drag him into school and let him get on with it. What damage will that do to a child already in crisis! He needs therapy, medication and assessments but despite daily fighting it seems we get nowhere fast! He has started self harming, refuses to sleep in his own bed or leave my side due to high anxiety. Merge that with autism and adhd and he just can't cope. But let's blame the parents. School have been amazing, but they can't manage anymore so we are in this position.

Sorry! Yes it seems a very passive situation, because everything is stuck.

Yet gp, pyschiatrist, Ed pysch were all saying they’ve been overwhelmed with with kids with mh provlems. Beyond overwhelmed,

My point is that we were there too and there was a system that automatically came to our aid. We fought and fought for our child, but so did the school and so did the doctors. When she needed a therapist, she got a therapist. When she needed testing, she got testing. She wasn’t put on a waiting list and told that maybe she might get some CBT at some point if she got lucky. Her school didn’t put their head in the sand and say they didn’t have funding for yet another special needs student. Everyone saw a child in crisis and jumped into action before it got really, really bad which is how it is supposed to work.

im sorry if my choice of language was offensive. I get the impression it is a bit of a boiling frog situation and it’s hard to see just how badly you are being treated. I wasn’t trying to criticize parents who are just trying to navigate a ridiculous system.

Gosh yes I suppose it could be worse...

How nice for those with mh difficulties to not be supported.

l’m not sure why it’s not a priority. Maybe a few suicides would push it up?

Thank you so much.

Shes much improved, just been diagnosed ex with ADHD as well as ASd. Going to enter alternative provision at a farm ( she loves animals) until September, then should be going to HF ASd school for A levels.

The fight for the EHCP was the fight of my life. But they came through with everything in the end🙏

DD year 11 can’t wait to finish school, she’s had a torrid time at secondary, bullied out of one school, school she’s at is not great but she’s made some lovely friends, was going great until she started getting picked on again (some kid from her old school turned up at this one and reignited the bullying she previously suffered) this reinstated her low self esteem and anxiety which we’d worked so hard to build back up. However she’s a different girl at her Sat job, already has apprenticeship lined up to go to, so overly not that worried about attendance, I’m more concerned in keeping her mental health intact until she finishes, sat in a loo cubicle too intimidated to go to class for whole lessons isn’t doing her any good, getting called weird by boys as she has no interest in them, June cannot come quick enough and will be the end of what I can only describe as a shit show.

In many countries where we lived the idea that you have a day off school due to poor mental heath is unheard of. This country is very very accommodating to this but in lots of countries you are told to get some fresh air and get on with it. If you are mildly ill ditto.

It’s a decision for you if you think this is positive or not. Mental health support is not a universal priority!! Truly in some countries excelling academically is considered of greater importance and/or poor mh not taken especially seriously.

(((Lindy))) I'm so sorry 😔. Of course her mental health and wellbeing takes absolute priority.

It's so sad. These children should be supported and be able to go into school and feel safe.

The constant fear of "detention for not having a pen" in these type of schools does not work for a significant minority of kids. Our local one was a "No excuses" school and even though my autistic child is very rule driven I knew it wouldn't work for her.

I'm so sad for the kids mentioned o. This thread. I'm a teacher amd would love to be able to offer a small nurturing environment. It is school that has made the problem worse and they only get one crack at childhood.

Fuck off with passive.

I fought to keep my dd in school. She self harmed and ended up in A and E.

Wr had no choice.

Well said @ArseInTheCoOpWindow. I’ve seen you write about your daughter on many threads, I’m so pleased she now has an EHCP and hope things are improving. 💐

even the concept of school refusers baffles me.

You could listen to what parents are saying and you would no longer be baffled.....or you could write your offensive bollocks @Ponderingwindow. I’m guessing you won’t listen and will continue to write shit. Go you. Well done. 🙃

Mine don’t enjoy school. Year 10 and 7. Think the year 10 will get through it but dreading the extra pressure year 11 will bring.

The year 7 I’m not sure about. Already says fed up of school and doesn’t want to go. Was ok at primary. Think it’s all the teachers off sick and substitutes and friendship dramas that she’s not involved in but watching from the edge.

seems like there’s always a test coming up too. Really not sure how her school journey will fare but I’m crossing my fingers and hoping.

As children, we had very clear rules about when we could stay home. We had to have a temperature of at least 99, or a genuine chickenpox style rash, and if we stayed off, we were to stay quietly in bed all day, absolutely no TV.

Funnily enough, we were almost always at school. 😀

How do other countries help their children and teens with SEN or mental health struggles access school?

Fuck off with passive.

I fought to keep my dd in school. She self harmed and ended up in A and E.

Wr had no choice.

Exactly what my dd did.

Fortunately she got an EHCP in December.

@TheNanny24 who said that? Why so defensive.

As an outsider with only anecdotal evidence from reading mumsnet, it looks very much like the problem is absolutely awful provision of mental health and sen services.

even the concept of school refusers baffles me. When our eventually diagnosed SEN dc had issues, she was in therapy within a couple of weeks. It took time to dial in the perfect approach, but it never got to the point of refusing to go to school. No one, not us, not her teachers, not her doctor, would have been that passive.

If your response to your child self harming is to push them out of the house, change the locks and go to work then you definitely are a bad parent.

Lack of access to GPs and the NHS generally is impacting badly on attendance figures. Teen DS has just missed 5 days of school - GP refused repeatedly to see him despite worrying symptoms. Eventually called 111 who sent him straight to hospital who treated him and had us bring him back the following 2 days. Had the GP seen him, we'd have missed less or no school and cost the NHS less. We ended up with 3 prescriptions, 3 visits, and several monitoring phone calls. If the GP had seen him in the previous 2 weeks it would probably have been 1 GP appointment and 1 set of antibiotics, much cheaper for the taxpayer.

@Lindy2 I'm not saying it means someone is necessarily a bad parent if their child isn't in school, just what I'd do.

Pp makes a good point about giving out detentions for no reason. I read on here a lot about detention etc for things like having a logo on a school shoe. Wrong things are being focused on it seems.