Y7 form change ?

Move the form if you can. I remember in year 7 being miserable because I didn’t get on with any of the folk in my form. I did become friendly with one girl in year 8 but only for a couple of terms (while her best friend was overseas). It was pretty crappy.
saving grace was that we were setted for most subjects so was only for a relatively short part of the day. There was a big mix up in year 9 and suddenly found a tight group of friends.
I was given the option in year 7, term 1, to move. I said no because I was that worried the same would happen in the new class. Wish I’d gone for it to be honest.
on the plus side, did very well academically. Just remember how crappy it was in the first year or so.

It’s a funny year. My Dd initially befriended the most troubled girls available (one asked for a beer at our house aged 11) then another group who were horribly unkind to her then no friends then by year 9 a lovely group. Early secondary can be abit of a “journey“ friendship wise but hopefully she will
get there.

To me, this reads like the most helpful comment so far. Some kids won’t be like your daughter and be in tears every day to the teachers, but that’s not to say they won’t be suffering in silence and benefit from a move. In fact it’s those who are not in tears every day I would worry more about because they could be storing it all up inside.

I’ve commented on how both schools my kids go to are very different, but one thing they have in common is empathy for a child who is struggling and both schools have implemented moves when I have requested them. In my limited experience (of 2 secondaries) they were very happy to make these moves. I had some long chats with HoY about my eldest in year 7 and the HoY suggested the class change, not me, but actually we stuck with the original class as my daughter was too self conscious about moving, and it worked out for the best, but that’s not to say a move now won’t actually benefit your daughter. Do what feels right in your gut and I guarantee it will be the right course of action. x

HOY suggested a buddy, restorative conversations and a wellbeing room.

I would need to have seen this given a good shot before i’d consider it not having helped and therefore a move (although hands tied in no space)

i feel for her, i really do

Is she seeing her friends at break times at least? Do they know how unhappy she is?

You mentioned no contact from pastoral care. Have to asked or are you assuming? because a large state school to not have one would be viewed appallingly by ofsted. In fact any school without a key point for pastoral matters

In the first instance, I would be asking my colleagues that teach her, what their view is on the situation. You are her mother and understandably can’t comprehend why she may not have made connections. However that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a very real reason and it is down how your daughter is choosing to interact with others.

i would have a chat with the girls your daughter had named but a few unkind comments that had not been recent - i would not be too concerned about. Their response will be interesting i. understanding a bit more about the situation.

How many are in the class?

of she has friends in the other class, socialises with them at break time and also out of school… i am surprised that hasn’t led to any connections. The girls at my school at this age congregate at break and it’s mixed between forms most certainly

I haven't read the whole thread, but my daughter moved forms at Easter yr 7 and it made such a difference, she was so, so much happier. The girls in her original form just weren't her 'people' and pretty much everyone she liked were in another form. Of course there are still ups and downs, but now she's in yr 9 there's a bit more mixing with sets and so she's made friends across the whole year.

If you're not happy it's tough to be all day with people you don't get on with. I'd definitely speak to the pastoral team (my daughter was basically there every day in tears so they were well aware of thd problems)

HofY here

Moving forms at this stage would only be an avenue i would consider if there was bullying that had continued despite measures having been put in place.

And even then it would be contingent on there being space (there wouldn’t be at my school) and i’m confident that a new starter from the other form would actually be in best interest of the child and no risk to disrupting the dynamic of the other class.

How about she invites around the friends she has in the other class after school or weekend or arranges to meet them in town. she will have their number presumably?

IIRC correctly Year 7 is prime time for zillions of chat groups including everyone and mostly about nothing.

It was really normal when my DC were in Year 7 for people to post "I'm going to be in xyz place at 11am on Saturday, anyone else going to be there?" Or even "anyone want to come to <whatever local teen hangout place is> with me?"

There will be an awful lot of very superficial friendships and a lot of people that might be very happy for a casual meetup suggestion.

I’d do what one poster suggested and make an assertive approach to the Head of Year about it. Schools are so different and what one poster is advising you might be based on their experience of a school which could be totally different to your daughters. My son is at a different school to his sisters and they operate very differently (both are state). The girls stick with form for most lessons, whereas my son has lessons with a huge mix of pupils from many different forms. I must admit I’d never heard of it being done the way it is in his school.

I see lots of advice about stepping back when they are in secondary, but I am in very regular contact with my son’s secondary and they are very responsive and supportive back, though he does have SEN, but I get the sense the school is very open with all parents. I have very little communication with my daughters’ school but when my older one was unhappy with a group she was with for one of her GCSE subjects I contacted her form tutor very quickly, she put me onto the Head of Senior School who rang me and I stated my case for her being moved, consequences for her of not doing so, benefits for everyone of doing so, and within a few days she was moved.

I hope you get a good outcome for your daughter. It must be pretty shitty to be feeling the way she is at school.

Honestly, there are lots of kids who haven’t made solid friendships by this point. Even kids who may look like they do, feel insecure about their position in the group or maybe don’t feel like they have the right group in terms of personality or interests in common. Things change. It may be that some of the groups that exist currently will break up a bit and re form and your DD will find her tribe then.

Has she asked anyone to meet up outside school? That can be quite influential in making tentative friendships firmer - it does take bravery and risk of rejection.

The school will think “give it time” and also (although they won’t say this) “maybe she’d have the same problem in another class”. Plus all the knock on problems others mention.

A friend of mines DD went to a girls grammar where she knew no one and they didn't mix the classes. She really didn't enjoy term 1 for the same reasons but it did get better as soon as she made in roads into the established groups

Hope whatever you decide, it gets easier for her as that tough going