My DS failed every one of his mock GCSEs

No, I can understand why you thought that though.

I've found with my crowd that even though there is the odd one who passes stuff first time, the vast majority need a second go. They're a mixture of ASD/ADHD or both with various other things that can go with it. It's like they have to process the actual big thing, know what it's like and then give it another go later.

He hasn't 'failed' he got grades.he just needs to nudge them up a bit. He can redo them, it's not a big deal OP.

My DD has no GCSE 'passes', she missed all of y11 with MH issues and also has some SEN. The world hasn't ended. It can be hard if you are friends with parents of high achievers, but remember a persons value is not determined by GCSE results.

Look at college courses at Level 2 where he can resit English and/or maths as needed. He can then progress to Level 3.

If he won't revise at home (not uncommon with kids with ASD) then make sure he attends every after school revision session going. Agree dropping 1 or 2 subjects might help, provided he then uses the time in school to do work (especially if school set it not you.)

Feeling worried for him is natural . Being ashamed isn't .

It’s likely the OP feels ashamed of herself rather than her child.

Rather than berating her and assuming the worst, maybe try some empathy.

No need to feel ashamed or distraught. My DS wouldn’t sit any mocks but he is predicted a 2 in the two GCSE’s he might sit. There’s always next year or even the year after.

Just focus on getting the support he needs to succeed in the future. He’s probably feeling pretty crap about everything right now and needs your support to help him feel positive about himself

It's not your fault nor his it's a broken system in many cases. Unfortunately with autism too much can have the exact reverse effect especially if pda is present

My eldest failed his GCSE English twice before finally getting a 4 after going to FE college, where they actually assessed him for dyslexia and ASD.

He hadn’t made any progress in English at secondary school at all (and I mean from where he was in the Y6 SATS) and didn’t get the support he needed.

DS2 will likely sail through his GCSEs with 7-9s with no great effort. Because he doesn’t have the issues DS1 does. Theres no point comparing them. Just as there’s no point comparing your DD and DS.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. Some young people need additional support and the education system does just about everything to avoid having to provide it IME.

I would make two plans for moving forward. One for if he gets three grade fours and one if he gets the grades he achieved. It might mean he has to do an extra year at college but it’s not the end of the world. Does he know what jobs might interest him?

This! My own DC has ASD and SLD and I cannot believe what I have just read. The word 'ashamed' on something he likely cannot help. I could never even consider using your words when thinking of my own child with disabilities!

Ashamed? FFS. Surely you should be feeling worried for his future instead of giving a shit what Mrs Next Door is saying about him??

I think the fact that his results were screwed up and he didn't tell you indicates he is feeling bad about it. A meeting with his head of year or pastoral teacher might help, for him and you. Short term deadlines put in place. Drop subjects he's weakest in to focus on better ones. Now he might be more amenable to adjustments and help. But you need to talk to him, reassure him that he can recover from this. And help him see how support can make a difference.

Who's ashamed ????. He's late diagnosed its a very hard and difficult situation l. Have they applied asd conditions to exams ?

It doesn’t sound like anyone is ‘at fault’. What is he doing instead of revising? How does he spend his time?

I have 3 children with ADD and I’m fortunate that I’ve been able to get them help privately. My elder two are both ASD too.

His grades are not a reflection of his abilities. I would consider holding back a year and getting full support set up. He needs to get some help on how to study, how to answer questions and how to focus. My eldest is 12 and I have set up for her executive functioning therapy. It’s a fancy medical term for teaching her how to organize herself, her thoughts and her work. It’s a game changer.

Medication matters and he needs the medication to help him focus. For my children running helps them a lot. However medication is where it is at.

This is when you throw money at the problem because holding him back a year will help a little bit but this is a 6 year process to get him through GCSE, A’Levels and university/vocational program.

I think he really needs to reflect on what went wrong and why. Did he study as hard as he could? Did he make silly mistakes? Run out of time? Not read the question properly?

I think the adjustments should happen now regardless of whether he likes them or not. He's had a chance to show he didn't need them, and the results show he clearly does.

Not sure why you are ashamed of him or why you care about keeping up with the Joneses and their high achieving offspring. Your child is clearly struggling because he has a disability that he isn't receiving adequate support for, and which our entire school system is not equipped to help him with.

Right now he needs your love, unconditional acceptance and emotional support first and foremost. Fuck school and fuck GCSEs. His actual well-being is paramount now. The academic stuff can come later. Exams can be retaken. His life isn't over because his mocks have gone badly.

I would try and speak to the school as soon as possible, ask them what support they can offer to help him. You said he has a diagnosis of ASD, if that is recent is there anything that the school should be doing to help support his learning or is he entitled to extra time in exams?

Have you spoken to your son and found out how he feels? This must feel like a shock right now, but there is still time between now and the exams. I am sure there are lots of children who don't do as expected in their mocks, but ultimately end up with quite different results.

Sorry @WASZPy - cross post!

If your son has asd and adhd it’s completely normal that he would find school hard.

I think that you need to support him to primarily focus on the English and maths - a tutor is a great idea.

Can he drop one or two of his least favourite subjects and spend that time in the school pastoral hub with someone helping him to revise?

Also, if he has adhd there’s a really good chance that daily exercise before school will improve his concentration so that’s worth a try if it’s not something that he already does.

It's not too late to bump up his grades to 4s and 5s. I think I'd get a tutor for English and Maths just to secure the college course. The tutor(s) may also be able to give specific revision strategies for your DS, once they know him, that will work for his other subjects too.

How many is he doing? Maybe drop a non-essential or two to streamline the workload then be prepared to support him heavily with revision.