My DS failed every one of his mock GCSEs

My daughter failed all her mocks and passed only three GCSEs. It did not matter one tiny bit.
She's resat one at sixth form, and is now doing three level 3 extended btecs and is set for uni next September doing a subject she loves!
Talk to school, get a tutor for maths and English and don't stress

You could make evenings about all the children's homework or subjects and do quick fire rounds for all of them so he's not feeling singled out?
Lots of the revision books have key questions at the back or summary page that you can go over together once the other children are in bed.
Tell him you know/believe he can get 5 or 6's and that you WANT to do this with him that it's your job to support him to his full potential so he can either help decide what imput he wants or prefers or you will choose a way to be involved.
Start small for now but every day, 10 mims then after Christmas 15 mins.

My son is ASD and only just scraped his GCSEs. The trouble he has was he only wanted to study things that he felt were of value to him. He absolutely would not engage in art, French, PE, English lit....basically anything arts rather than science. He did just do enough to get into college where he excelled in the computing course that he wanted to do, and then went onto uni and got a 1st in computer engineering.
Are school able to offer some flexibility of subjects, focus on subjects that interest him?

im sorry, you're ashamed of his results? really though? No, just no. I am going through this right now, so I know exactly what it is like. My DS hates revising so we do it together. Its horrendous. I hate it. But it mean we are doing something. Even with revision he got 3's and 4's. If thats what he gets in his GCSE's then so be it, it isnt the end of the world, there are plenty of courses that have a pre course they can do if they dont get their expected grades, it just means an extra year. Support him dont say you are ashamed of him

Right, so you need to sit down with the SENDCO and discuss how to move forward and get him assessed for exam arrangements.Common arrangements for children with AuDHD include:

25% extra time for those with slower processing (regardless of academic ability)

Prompt - to keep them on track

Rest or movement breaks where the clock is stopped so they can move around

Completing the exam in a small room with a small group of students ( or a room of their own if the noise of readers and scribes is distracting)

I would not recommend adding any other demands such as tutors on to him. AuDHD children need lots of rest and decompression time away from school activities.

For revision find what works with him, videos on YouTube are my DDs preferred method freesciencelessons is great for AQA science. Seneca learning is also great he may have a school account but you can set it up independently too.

My son just got his results too and wasn't happy with them. All of them were at least one grade lower than he was expecting. In the report, it does say that they expect students to gain higher grades in the real exams compared to the mocks. Plus, there should be interventions at school and special revision classes. They still have 5 months to revise - my son didn't revise for anything so I think it is a bit of a wake up call for him.

Sorry to hear you are so worried OP, and I understand how upsetting it must be, especially when it seems like everyone else's children are excelling. I'm sure they are not though, everyone has their problems - you're not alone and it's not your fault.
Personally, I would be talking to school about cutting back on subjects and focus on getting the core ones, especially maths and english. But see what they say. I am sure it won't be the first time they've experienced a situation like this so they should have strategies to help. Make an appointment asap to discuss, but remember that this is not the end of the world. Obviously you'd prefer him to have got better grades but a)there is still time to improve and b)there's more than one way to succeed in life.
You get a bit of a skewed impression on here sometimes- it feels like everyone's child has a full set of 9s, A stars at A level and an Oxbridge place lined up. Which is great for those who do, but not being like that doesn't mean that you are doomed to a miserable and unfulfilled life.
Try to focus on the positives and look for possible ways your DS can thrive in the future. Looking back can be helpful- if you know how you got somewhere it can help you move on - but don't dwell on things you can't change.

Plenty of time for more revision

Get revision notes put up in different colours around the home

Do not pressure him maybe he's just not academic and that's the end of it

Ask at the school/ local college if any sixth form maths and English students would consider tutoring for a small fee. We paid a sixth former to help DD through maths GCSE and she’s now tutoring DS over zoom too (at a much increased rate, of course!) four years after starting with DD! She’s in her second year at uni now and tutors a couple of friends kids too.

Try some structured time planning for home and holidays.
My son needs constant reminders and body doubling, I am essentially his study buddy and my own evenings and weekends are currently spent managing him and his revision schedule.
We have a planner and timetable on a whiteboard that is very visible for him and set timers on Alexa so he isn't studying for longer than 30 mins at a time.

The key here is that you need to intensley invest your time in him from now until his exams to make up for the lack of provisions that should be in place due to his late diagnosis.
He can get help for college or 6th form eventually, but he needs to be walked through this stage with you holding his hand, you can not leave this up to school and school alone.

I get it OP. Try not to beat yourself up though. Just focus on now.

There's no such thing as teenager 'laziness' though is there?

There's chronic procrastination and avoidance associated with ADHD and an extreme inability to focus all which can get much much worse as the child gets older due to the changes and increases of the demands put on them.

At primary school the child is coached and 'accompanied' through the work in small chunks. So they get away with having ADHD and it's not noticed.

In secondary school, they are expected to learn on their own.

They cannot focus in class, the words go into a blur, then homework can be very hard to do.

A bright child does not slide this far down in the academics unless something else is going on.

Can you afford a private assessement at an ADHD clinic?

He is on the adhd pathway - he will struggle to revise it’s hard . He is unlikely to be able to be medicated before GCSE’s unless you go private - which it sounds like you can’t afford - focus on maths and English - it’s a bloody tough year .

The system has failed him but he will find a way - I found good diet helps including oily fish if he will eat them - support and encouragement is best advice I can give

Why are you ashamed? He has ASD and potentially ADHD. I have two dc with ASD. One managed 9 GCSEs grades 4-6 - 2s & 3s at mocks. The other managed none, left mainstream at age 8 due to total lack of understanding. He is currently studying English and Maths GCSEs at college. Both are highly intelligent and have staggeringly intricate, in depth knowledge around their specific interests but just cannot perform well in mainstream environments with all the stress and communal noise involved.

Have to say it made me feel quite angry reading you express shame at him. Go and find out about your child’s conditions and start being his advocate instead of no better than some judgmental onlooker. Is it your friends you’re worried about? What they’ll say? If so you need to take a really hard, long look at yourself. I’ll stop now because I don’t like piling on on MN.

I got copies of my DSs exam papers which was really useful as I could see where he went wrong.

Hmmm have two sons with ASD - one is very bright and likely to get 8’s or 9’s in their GCSEs the other is creative and imaginative but finds academic work very challenging. If he gets any GCSE’s at all I’ll be delighted but if not then it’s not the end of the world. Of the two he’s harder working and very diligent. I think whatever job he ends up in will be lucky to get him as he always puts in a lot of effort. We support both of them as much as we can but they need very different help.

If you’ve only recently had an assessment you are going to be going through a kind of grieving period for the son you thought you had before diagnosis. Some of the dreams you had / have for him might not be realistic although many will still be. This is completely normal but I always think later diagnosis can be harder in squaring hopes with reality. Things will get easier be kind to yourself and it’s a wonderful step to get your diagnosis as the support your child needs can be tailored to him … more time in exams, use of a laptop, small group support, study tips that work for this’s with add /asd etc but it’s essential you don’t measure him by the same criteria as your (NT?) DD as that will lead to nothing but misery. How does your DS feel about his diagnosis?

I've just reread and seen it's his mocks. The actual thing is more stressful and even if he doesn't get the grades expected he can do it again

Put in for extra time now though for the actual exams Don't wait.

To feel disappointed for your underachieving child would be normal.

To feel ashamed says it's all rather about you OP. Which isn't a great look.

Poor child is autistic and had adhd which stands for attention deficite hyperactive disorder . The clue to his issue is right in the op

This happened to my Ds. He was predicted good grades because he is intelligent and has good subject knowledge, but then flunked his mocks.
People with ASD and ADHD struggle with executive function, which means they find planning and preparing for exams almost impossible. They think they are working and revising, but in reality they are just faffing around.
My son struggles in exams because he can’t judge time very well and doesn’t know how much time to spend on each question. He finds essay questions difficult because he can’t plan and the time constraints made him so anxious he couldn’t even start the question. In his maths mock he went to the toilet and didn’t come back. In all his mocks he had missed whole sections of the questions.
What he needed was to be taught how to do exams, literally how to answer the questions, what to do if he didn’t know.
Your son needs to accept the support being offered. My son had extra time, a prompter, smaller room and use of a laptop.
I got him tutors in maths and English and I tutored him in science. I sat with him while he revised. The school were supportive, but not actually that much use because they kept revising subject content not exam technique.
It was hard, hard work, but he got four grade 6s and five grade 5s. So worth it in the end!

Why are so many people desperate to assume the OP is ashamed of her son? It’s classic people on MN picking up on a single word and using it as a stick to beat an OP.

She has clarified that she feels ashamed of herself. And likely she feels that people will judge her for it.

Ah OK. Yes that makes sense.

Best way forward is probably a chat with the school - if your DS would agree to be part of this .