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Original poster

Secondary school making ?ADD increasingly apparent- any tips?

30 replies

Boomarang · 14/12/2023 00:03

Maybe, maybe not ADD.

My son moved up to his ferociously academically selective (independent) secondary school in Sept.

DS (one of 3 children) is academically very talented- much more so than his siblings. He’s popular, thoughtful, quite sensitive, plays sports, sails through objective exams, can tell me all about every element of the periodic table, can describe the flag of any country in the world, can discuss the nuances of world events etc.

But blooming heck, he cannot find his way out of a paper bag. His executive function is terrible. He needs prompting for every daily task. He looses school bags, games kit, coats, bus pass etc etc on a daily basis. We could just about manage it at junior school but this first term in senior school has involved at least one weekly parent trip into school to track down his gear.

Hie report came though today- all comments very positive re exam results and attitude to learning but a thread across all subjects about needing to organise himself, late for class, missing books of kit, handing in prep late (which I know he has done but neglecting to hand in), forgetting he has an instrument lesson.

It’s started to cause him real anxiety now. He is never sure what ball he has dropped. If I ask him ‘have you got your English book’ he just looks terrified until he has found it.

He messages me at work when he is on the bus home saying ‘I’m such an idiot, this just proves it’ when he has misplaced his school bag/ games kit etc.

He has always been scatty, forgetful, messy and we have tried every approach- star charts, penalties, positive reinforcement. Each just seem to lead to him being disappointed in his own organisational failures..

I think he has ADD and his photographic memory and rapid curious brain has got him this far without incident, but at his senior school it’s becoming increasingly apparent this is not enough (nor will it be as he grows up).

I’ve asked school for a meeting next term, they will hopefully give us some guidance.

My main worry is the constant angst he has about what he has lost or forgotten. If you met him you would never know- he converses brilliantly with adults, has a wicked dry sense of humour, is very kind and world aware..

Do any of you have any advice, recommendations, words of wisdom to help us set up for the new term? We have a special drawer for all his school subject folders, timetables and homework planners. It just feels as soon as he gets on the school bus it all comes unstitched.

OP posts:
AttillaThePlum · 14/12/2023 09:23

And also, start talking to Learning Support at school. Because of what I said above, any academic school will be very used to a wide range of ND kids. DD ended up with a year of coaching, which made a huge difference. It always helps having another adult who isn't your parent giving suggestions.

AttillaThePlum · 14/12/2023 09:21

This is basically my DD in a nutshell. For the first few terms of senior school she sprayed her stuff round school like a combine harvester. We had spare EVERYTHING - including PE kit and blazers and pencil cases...

After a few terms of reports which all mentioned focus, we got her assessed. Best thing we ever did - she is now on medication and thriving (also in a school which is selective and academic). I cannot describe the difference it has made, so strongly suggest that you go for an assessment ASAP. I wish we'd done it sooner

For what it's worth, it seems to methat most children who are clever in the slightly unusual way that you describe have some kind of neurodiversity.

Return2thebasic · 14/12/2023 09:05

Mine is completely different. But ADD is more than being forgetful and disorganised though.

If you suspect ADD, is there anyone in the family who has it or might have it? It's very much a genetically inherited condition.

You might have tried already. Just in case, instead of helping him with parental micromanagement, maybe try to work with him together to find a consistent structure and encourage himself develop a few routine tools to manage by himself. In a sense, I mean instead of asking him "have you got your English book?", ask him to pause before leaving home and think through the checklist every morning independently. And for things he found difficult at school to organise, make a list of all and then develop mechanisms that he himself can manage (and remember to manage).

Not sure if the above addresses the situation. The idea is that he needs a systematic approach. Small reminders here and there are only helpful at a miniscule level and he needs tools that he can own it himself.

askingneverhurt · 14/12/2023 00:14

He sounds just like my son.

please don’t worry. Every child is different.

maybe use a ‘to do’ chart so he can follow it everyday. That will take the pressure of having to remember everything.

It makes when sad when children think of themselves as ‘idiots’ poor darling. Just lots of reassurance and love which I’m sure he gets anyway.

In my line of work I see kids like this EVERY DAY and they are amazing and they do just fine.

KeepingItReal2017 · 14/12/2023 00:09

tell the school you suspect adhd and you want them to put through a referral to community paediatrics. They will start the ball rolling and you will have some paperwork.

ask if they can share some quality first teaching techniques for students with adhd so that he can be supported in the classroom if you feel he has these traits

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