What's the point of a 5 minute parents' evening for A levels

Your child is old enough for you to take a step back. There is very good literature and study to show that parents who take control of their child’s lives, which is mainly education, end up with adults who don’t know how to overcome obstacles, hence they get no sense of satisfaction from anything and thus there are much higher rates of depression.
You have to learn to understand some things are trivial and not worth interfering over.

I'm just going to echo pp when I say that it sounds like you need an extra meeting with other members of staff, so make that appointment.

It's plenty of time. You say "hello, have you any questions?" Parent says yes, you address those. They say no, you go through recent marks, response to feedback, being an independent learner, possible grade, further advice. For most, it's enough time. If it looks like it isn't, I'll say I'll email you. All fine.
There's no way we could have school closures for parents' consultation evenings.

I agree with previous posters - even a 10 minute appointment couldn’t begin to address those serious issues with your DS. I have DC with similar issues and we don’t discuss them at parents evening with class subject teachers - they are covered in a series of separate meetings with head of year, deputy heads and SENCO; meetings are usually 30 mins +

None of those concerns are for parents evening in my opinion. You should be approaching the tutor for this and requesting a meeting with the sendco.

It sounds like your concerns go way beyond a 5 or 10 minute routine parents' night check in, so definitely make a specific appointment for a longer meeting.

The vast majority of students (or their parents) won't need more than a 5 minute convo to put faces to names and ask a few short questions, taking into account that most info is conveyed in group info sessions & written communication. Making these routine appointments longer for all children only makes it harder for teachers to schedule longer appointments for the small portion of students for whom a longer meeting is needed.

MerryMarigold

Secondary school age should be able to work at home.

Should is very different to will. If covid taught us nothing else it should be that kids don't work well at home.

I actually don’t see the point of any meeting unless there was an issue. DD is in year 13 and her grades are up to her. She knows what she has to do and the consequences if she doesn’t. Her sixth form updates a parent portal quarterly with her effort score, expected grade and current working grade. Unless something is bad I see no reason for me to take up the teachers time for a ‘chat’.

Are they actually limited to 5 minutes though?

At my DC's school they make 5 minute appointments, but rarely stick to time and end up just seeing people when they do. I've always been able to discuss everything necessary in a reasonably open and relaxed fashion, without feeling hurried to be gotten rid of. That might have been five minutes but I suspect was usually longer. I don't know because I wasn't watching the clock and didn't need to.

This is what we have to put up with. This is why I got so fed up of teaching that I now work in a completely different industry. When the parents assume their child and their child's class is the only thing you have to do/deal with.

OP subject teachers are also form tutors. They are also teaching the sixth form kids who need level 2 English, maths, or science and failed it previously. They are also covering for that teacher who turned up for a week then ran for the hills after the twentieth shitty email from a "concerned parent" about the colour of their bloody wellies or the fact it rained that morning. They are also teaching the second A-level subject that most of us had to be able to teach in order to get a job at a school with a sixth form because of cuts.

It's not just your child or even your child's class. In the past we could give more time (when I started teaching in 2011, it was 10 minutes) but these days teachers have more pupils than ever and the staffing is cut to the bone.

This is the result of years of underfunding and telling headteachers to balance the books without actually giving them the money they need to do that. Some schools have extra funding from other sources e.g. academies sponsored by businesses, or schools who have been given extra grants for various reasons, and so are able to provide better stuff or more staff.

If you're concerned, book a separate time to chat to the teacher about your specific concerns (spoiler: you don't actually have any concerns, you're just complaining for the sake of it).

DS2 teacher spent the first three minutes talking about a different student with the same forename. By the time it clicked, we were almost at automatic shut off.

What is the benefit of a five minute conversation at all? What is it supposed to achieve?

Nobody would argue that a five minute performance review meeting for employees was useful or appropriate. So what's the point of these "meetings"?

What is there to say?
Student is on track and completing work to a good standard.
Student is not on track and doesn't revise and hand in assignments.
Assignments are poorly done and student needs to revise.

At this age the result is in the hands of the student. If they don't work they won't do well.

me me me culture

That's what we had and it was fine. If there are issues of concern a longer appointment can be made.

It really doesn't. Most people don't have issues and, if it's a decent school, those who do will have already raised them/been made aware of them.

If you need more time, ask for it

My other children go to a different school and despite being in Y10 they get 10 minute appointments and a whole day is dedicated to parent- teacher consultations in order that the teachers can see every parent for 10 mins. (Other year groups are off school and have online work). In my opinion, this prioritises the parent/ school relationship.

Prioritises it over the teaching of the other students I should be teaching that day.
Prioritises it over the teaching of the students who don't have access to a quiet space at home to work.
Prioritises it over the teaching of the students who don't have reliable IT access at home.

If there was a problem I would expect to know before parents’ evening. Big issues shouldn’t be brought up in that setting so a 5 minute check in is fine.

i really wouldn’t appreciate having to take a 1/2 day of annual leave for a 10 minute appointment.

Because if you teach 2-3 classes (psychology is very popular), you could be talking to parents at midnight.