Teachers - If you have a child in your school who misbehaves would you think the parents are to blame

This is pretty ignorant thinking tbh. I have 2 children who are the exact opposite of each other in behaviour.

I work in school and i dont judge parents based on the kids behaviour. I know better than that, because my DS is also quite problematic in school. He is mostly wonderful at home, but teachers describe him as loud, naughty, disruptive, rude, etc. He is very clever though and writes straight As, so I guess hes just very bored in school.
Its not bad enough to do much about it, teacher just keeps saying we have to work on it. Not much i can do though, when im not there 🤷🏻‍♀️ I suggested they give him more difficult tasks to work on. This has helped a little, but the teacher doesnt do it often because its too much of a hassle.

Im not sure really what the parents would be expected to do tbh when the kids misbehave at school. They can have rules and boundaries at home of course, but that doesnt mean the kids stick to it in a different environment.

I think that you should talk to your dd because it's unclear if it's teenage hormones in an inflexible school (grammars aren't known for flexibility as they are more focused on results) or her behaviour is out of the norm for teenagers and needs further investigation. Sometimes SEN aren't obvious until the child is at secondary and it's clear that they aren't like their peers. Is it the same teacher lodging complaints or different teachers complaining? Is it subjects that she likes or doesn't? I think that it might be worth finding out if there's a pattern to her behaviour.
I'm not saying that her teachers deserve bad behaviour btw. You mention that you were quiet and would never have been rude to a teacher. Did you live in a home environment where you were scared of your parents ?

Not a teacher now, but a youth leader.

Yes, you sometimes pick up a certain patenting style from the behaviour of the children.

But its not always that simple. It wouldn't be the first thought. That comes out to how a parent responds to any issues raised.

For example... we have a parent that believes in raising their children to be "free spirits". The children aren't that good in distinguishing between beinga bit creative in a task or following safety instructions.

I wouldn’t automatically think parents are to blame, no.

But if I contacted the parents about the behaviour and they came back with attempts to justify their kid being a dick, or blaming or undermining instead of supporting the school, then I’d start to think the parents had a hand in it.

So I’d want the parent to agree with sanctions, and say that they would talk to the kid about their behaviour, backing up the school. Removing phones or whatever is a bonus!

Frankly yes. And when you meet the parents it's often onvious why

My child was low level disruptive in primary until lockdown of Jan 2021 when he broke down. Visibly distressed, hitting, screaming and the school blamed me. I was the bad parent who needed a parenting course and the school was painted as angelic. After school refusal and us paying £1k+ we found out he was gifted and bored at school. Still the SENCO refused to believe us and whilst some adjustments were made it wasn't enough.

There are so many reasons why a child might misbehave - him because he was bored, others because they were jealous of him, genuine struggles with learning, etc etc. Start by talking and see where this goes.

I would wonder if the secondary school were pitching the learning at the correct level for my child
Most kids will tell you Y7,8, 9 is often a repeat of primary school ( for no good reason)
This was an area of my professional life - trying to get secondary teachers to raise their expectations
Also Primary schools tend to be good at deal with ND pupils - at secondary school it is not the same and this may lead to frustration
Other than that I would wonder about any other changes - but start with the school

You could try the book “How to talk so teens will listen” by Adele Faber.

Quiet, polite parents come unstuck when their lovely little children become teenagers because all of a sudden they get a mind of their own and don’t necessarily see the world the way you see it. Do you know your dd? Her friends? Her interests? Her hopes and dreams? Do you still treat her like a child? Do you have academic expectations for her? Is she happy?

If you don’t know her as person (rather than an idea of her as your child) you won’t get to the root of her behaviour.