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Original poster

Were your DC keen on a particular private school?

33 replies

PaperDoves · 08/11/2023 19:11

My son is 10 years old, very bright, not at all sporty.

We've visited seven schools, four state and three independent, trying to find the best fit for DS. To be fair he hasn't been especially keen on any of them, but I'm surprised at how completely unimpressed he's been with the private schools with their beautiful buildings, excellent facilities, and over the top attempts to woo us. He is unmoved by any of it -- the academics, the subjects on offer, the clubs, the grounds. I mentioned in passing the incredible modern architecture at one site (I have a weakness for a beautiful building) and he said, "yeah, it's pretty. Doesn't really matter though, does it?"

He prefers our local state option.

I don't think, at 10, he's best placed to pick the right school for himself. But I'm also not inclined to throw so much money at something he's not even moderately enthusiastic about when we have excellent state schools on our doorstep (despite the lack of beautiful buildings). He's a bright child and will undoubtedly do well anywhere.

But is this normal? Do other people's children get excited about a particular school after taking a tour or attending a taster day? Or is that asking too much at age 10? And how much did you take their preferences into account if they were more keen on the nearby state school?

OP posts:
SamPoodle123 · 08/11/2023 20:11

Also, forgot to mention, my dd was coasting at her state primary and she wanted a more academic school. She wanted a place where she would be stretched.

SamPoodle123 · 08/11/2023 20:07

@PaperDoves I think it really depends on the dc. My dd was quite interested in looking at the private schools online. She was interested to see what they had to offer, the clubs and sport. She knew which was her first choice just from researching online. We did not visit the schools until after she had the offers and her first choice stayed her first choice. She now attends the school and absolutely loves it. She does many clubs and sport. She was not keen on our local state school....but if she was, I would have happily sent her there. If your ds prefers the state option and its a decent school, then I would follow his wishes. After all, they will need to want to go to the private school to get in (if its selective). But I would try to help guide your son. Do not just go to a school because your friends are. Children change friends.

Giventoomuchchoice · 08/11/2023 19:43

Not about my child but myself, I'm 28.

I remember being taken around quite a few schools and given a free choice about where I wanted to go. They were all great schools and I was very lucky but some were obviously better than others. I got offered scholarships to 2.

I picked the one my older brother was at and said was really cool. It was the least academic.

I wish I hadn't been given the choice honestly. My choice at 12 was not the best choice for the right reasons. I think I would have achieved more and lived up to my potential somewhere I'd been pushed, rather than being the cleverest and finding it easy.

Having said that I'm happy where I've ended up but I'm no high flier and realistically could have been.

secondfavouritesocks · 08/11/2023 19:33

He is right, pretty buildings count for nothing in terms of quality of education

Original poster
PaperDoves · 08/11/2023 19:28

Aww, @Singleandproud I'm sorry she didn't get the school she wanted, although I'm glad she's happy with the one she got.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 08/11/2023 19:19

Generally children want to go where their friends are, the rest doesn't matter to them unless there is a big extrinsic motivator like being a very talented sports person/musician and benefiting from the facilities

We did try for a selective school, DD is incredibly clever and autistic, she was attracted to the private school and desperately wanted to go the motivator being that it was all girls and having much smaller classes and smaller school population (200 Vs 800 students in the school) compared to the local comps which she would have coped with better. She got in but it was Covid year and no scholarships were offered to new students and she's had to go to the local comp with her friends - she struggles with the noisy, busy environment but happy because her friends are there.

Original poster
PaperDoves · 08/11/2023 19:16

I think you're right that he has his head screwed on - especially because I suspect he's sussed that he'll be doing a lot more work at the private schools.

But yes, it's hard to argue that the money would be better spent on education when we could save it for any manner of other things.

OP posts:
FiveCows · 08/11/2023 19:12

He sounds like he has his head screwed on. If you have excellent state schools and he is bright and motivated he will do well anywhere. I’d save your money for a house deposit / university.