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Original poster

Social Isolation

58 replies

Anjay1 · 29/10/2023 13:52

My daughter has been friends with 3 other children before they started year 7 in September.

When It was my daughters birthday in August, I invited all three children to Ninja Warriors and the parents to join them for dinner at TGI'S, which I paid for.

One of the kids parents put on the WhatsApp group that the kids are invited to her child birthday on the 25th October.
Two weeks before, she then put on the WhatsApp group that her daughter has decided to go ice skating with her cousins instead.
I sent the mum a private message saying that I have presents that are quite big and heavy for my daughter to carry and therefore
could we sort something out nearer the time to get the presents from me. Everything was all good.
On Monday just gone, I travelled 40 minutes to give the mum the presents. Two days later, I messaged the kum to wish her daughter a happy birthday and she responded and said thank you for the presents.
The day after, the 26th October, one of the girls put on her WhatsApp status of the 3 girls (including the birthday girl) a video of them celebrating the girls birthday. My daughter saw it on the girls status and was really annoyed and sad. I told her not to worry and things happen. 20 minutes later, the video was removed.
Yesterday the mum, who's child's birthday it was, blocked me on WhatsApp and Facebook with nothing mentioned.

Do you think I am right in being annoyed by the whole thing?
I even spent approximately £70 and this is what she does.
I've just checked my daughters phone and her daughter hasn't blocked mine which I sm relieved about but I really don't get it?!

OP posts:
Hermittrismegistus · 30/10/2023 09:18

Presents were already bought, some were personalised so couldn't return

Personalised present for a child you don't really know?

I'd find this very overly familiar and would distance myself and my child from you.

JustWingItLifeEyelinerEverything · 30/10/2023 09:08

slopsan · 30/10/2023 08:49

Stop spending money on children who don't want to be friends with your child!

She can't buy friends

Well, it didn't read to me as a gate crashing. The invitation was openly published as we can read.
Nothing excuses the mother of the birthday girl. She could refuse a present or return it saying that the situation was such etc. But blocking? Absolutely disgusting

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 30/10/2023 09:04

£70 is a huge amount to spend on a dc's friend's gift.

Friendships do shift and change a lot around about this age. Dd found this the most unsettling time. I'd encourage your dd to make new friends and take a step back from these ones.

The other mother doesn't sound very nice or emotionally intelligent. There was no reason for her to lie about her DD's bday plans. Setting a terrible example. She would have been much better to be honest with you. But that's a reflection on her, not you!

JustWingItLifeEyelinerEverything · 30/10/2023 09:04

Awful behaviour. Absolutely shocking. Her mother is immature and unbelievably selfish.

And you are definitely too generous.

I personally would spread the story wide. But this is me.

Original poster
Anjay1 · 30/10/2023 09:01

This is my my job title. I do admin.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anjay1 · 30/10/2023 09:00

Presents were already bought, some were personalised so couldn't return.

OP posts:
Yodeleyyyyheeeeee · 30/10/2023 08:55

Just an admin person? Do not belittle a job title.

Jellycats4life · 30/10/2023 08:55

With hindsight, once it was clear your daughter wasn’t doing anything with her friend for her birthday you shouldn’t have bothered with a present. Maybe something small that DD could give at school but that’s it.

£70 is a lot of money for a present, and ironically, you’ve caused a bigger problem for the Mum because they were disinviting your DD by stealth! That’s why she’s blocked you.

At least you know the situation now.

DrMarshaFieldstone · 30/10/2023 08:53

£70 is a huge amount to spend. We are comfortably off and I wouldn’t spend that much on my nieces or nephews’ birthdays. Very expensive gifts make people feel uncomfortable. I appreciate that there is a bit more going on here but you need to rethink the amount you are spending on birthday gifts.

MarchingFrogs · 30/10/2023 08:52

Anjay1 · 30/10/2023 08:42

She actually earns alot more. All if them do and have degree jobs where as I'm just an admin person

In that case, @Brendabigbaps ' suggestion is the most likely; excluding your DD was a rather horrid thing to do, and bound to come out sometime, even without the video, from something that one of the girls said at school. And rather baffling, if it appears that the girls themselves are all still friendly.

Original poster
Anjay1 · 30/10/2023 08:51

The other two girls are my daughters friends. It's just the other mum and her child

OP posts:
slopsan · 30/10/2023 08:49

Stop spending money on children who don't want to be friends with your child!

She can't buy friends

Original poster
Anjay1 · 30/10/2023 08:44

Yes, this makes sense.

My daughter wants to give a small gift to her friends for Christmas.
I really don't know what to do because I don't want to single this child out like her mother did to mine but the way she has been, what dies she expect
It's 3 for 2 in boots and only comes up to £22 for all three gifts...

OP posts:
Original poster
Anjay1 · 30/10/2023 08:42

She actually earns alot more. All if them do and have degree jobs where as I'm just an admin person

OP posts:
Brendabigbaps · 30/10/2023 08:10

I think the mum has blocked you etc because she’s embarrassed by her own behaviour. She’s been caught out in a lie.

Startagainjanuary · 30/10/2023 08:08

Is there a big income divide between your families?

Original poster
Anjay1 · 30/10/2023 08:06

There's been no arguments. All the kids, including my child are well behaved. They are at a grammar school so it's very strict.

OP posts:
StressedMumOf2Girls · 29/10/2023 20:45

I wouldn't even spend £70 on my daughter's primary friends honestly. If you're in a financially comfortable position and/or don't think it's a huge amount then you do you.

Friendships is Year 7 tend to move and mix and may not settle until the end of the year. And children tend to have different moods and whims. Your daughter might have upset the other by saying "I don't like your pencil case" or something. Petty things like that which aren't a big deal to us but are at that age.

You've got every right to be annoyed by it but all you can do is encourage your DD to talk to more people and don't hold onto just a handful of people.

SpuddyMary · 29/10/2023 19:45

Is your daughter well behaved?

Have there been any arguments or falling out between the girls?

There will definitely be a reason. I'd guess either the mum is not comfortable with you for some reason, or your DD and her DD have had some kind of disagreement.

Original poster
Anjay1 · 29/10/2023 17:55

I've heard that this was ger plan from the start so I font understand why she invited all kids on the WhatsApp group and then pretend that its cancelled on the group to then take the presents to then block me for no reason

OP posts:
Original poster
Anjay1 · 29/10/2023 17:51

They only knew each other from Juky thus year on transition day to year 7

OP posts:
assignedmeowth · 29/10/2023 17:46

Could she be uncomfortable with how much money you spent?

Are you much wealthier than the other families?

It seems quite a lot to be spending for such a short friendship.

WASZPy · 29/10/2023 17:35

I think the other mum is probably finding you splashing so much cash so early quite intense. Sounds like she is backing away.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 29/10/2023 16:52

Sorry but I wouldn't consider someone my child knew for 6 weeks (really, despite meeting in transition day) as a good friend. I certainly wouldn't be spending anything like £70 on a birthday present.

You cannot engineer your child's friendships in secondary. You can only encourage them to be open and friendly with everyone and have a wide circle in Yr 7. Friendships in yes 7/8 are subject to much change.

If that was my DD I would gently explain that she should work on making other friends and not relying on this group.

It's fair to be pissed off though. It's a minefield sometimes.

Onemoretimeok · 29/10/2023 16:39

It’s very generous of you spending £70 on a child you barely know. I assumed this was a long term friend from primary. My child isn’t in secondary school yet, but the secondary kids I know mostly make their own social arrangements, and buy presents from their pocket money, so I wouldn’t expect to be texting other mums once my child is in secondary. It’s hard when they get older, but I think you need to step back a bit.