Ex is applying for schools that will make it difficult for DD and me

"Can I make an application myself listing more reasonably-located schools? If so, how does that affect my ex's application?"

No, you cannot. Each child can only have one application from their main address.

Even if residency was 50/50, one address would still be the primary address for school applications. In a true 50/50 situation, parents agree which address between themselves. If they cannot, the LA will judge, taking into account things such as who gets the CB.

There isn't an option for 50/50 and split the difference on distance when you apply.

OP, I can only echo what other say - your DD lives primarily with her mum, therefore it is distance from that address that will matter in the application. All other factors are irrelevant for this particular issue.

What research have you done into the quality of the schools, how well they match your child’s needs, and the odds of your child getting a place? Have you done any actual work or just looked and seen that some schools would be closer?

Your DD is with your ex 5 nights per week, she will do 3 trips home to your ex (2 to you) and 4 trips to school from your exs (1 from your house) so it makes sense to go to the school closer to your exs house.
Which school is rated best and which is best for your daughter?
I don’t think a 40 min journey in high school is too much either.

Surely your ex should be choosing a school nearby and one that is good. It is too late to force anything now (even if you could) so you need to think about what you can do to stay in contact e.g. move nearer to whatever school she goes to or maybe to somewhere with a direct bus route. You could also think about changing the visits to every other weekend.

Where I live ( very rural) it’s common for kids to do a bus and a train journey to school and college. Kids adapt, 40 minutes bus travel isn’t much to a teenager. The best school for your daughter is what is important and parents have to fit in around school, after school activities and their friendships. The teenage years can be challenging so I’d concentrate on supporting your DD in her choices and making sure she knows you support her 100%.

All I read is a selfish parent and more so from your replies. You say you get it but you don't. 40min trip is nothing, your not the parent with custody, your not the parent she's living mainly with so preference will be who she lives with. Disability is no excuse these days sorry when it comes to your child, I have disabilities and had no problem when mine were younger travelling weekends 2 hours there and back to drop them at there dad's. If you really care about your relationship you won't put any roadblocks yourself tbh

Central is the worst if all for DD. She'll have to commute every day and have no local friends, resulting in almost no opportunities for after school social life.

School ideally should be close to at least one home, and as she spends more time at one house logic would be that it is that one.

Walking to and from school together is a great way of making friends and that impacts a kids life.

Where I live no schools are walking distance so my kids had a daily commute. I regret that for them, despite the schools they went to being excellent. They feel it impacted on the happiness of their childhoods and ability to make friendships.

I think the op is being really selfish and thinking about their own desire to see their child on specific days rather than what is best for the child.

Visits can be rearranged to better suit school locations and travel can be better facilitated. Long bus journeys every day just do you can control the school they go to is mean and bad parenting.

I don't think this has anything to do with alienation, but even if it did I would still feel the same way as a local school is better for the child

Ok, for starters the school applications for secondary rely heavily on your "normal school area". This is based on the postcode of the parent with primary residency.

Next up...you are both making this a battle to get one uo on the other instead of focusing on what is best academically for your dd.

I get there is a history, but neither of you is putting your dd first.

I am so glad that however much of a wobble my ex is at times we have a mostly fantastic and collaborative co parenting relationship!!

All before september with applications closing in a few days?

This is the criteria for offers in my borough

https://www.surreycc.gov.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0003/289632/Secondary-allocation-figures-September-2022-V1.pdf

good luck with 'forcing' anything.

There’s increasingly a view that parental alienation isn’t really a valid phenomenon and might actually be used by controlling ex- partners to try and continue to influence power over their child’s other parent…

Maybe I’m missing something, but it doesn’t seem like your ex is trying to send her miles out in the opposite direction or anything like that. The school she currently attends might be more central but the distance between your home and your ex’s remains - presumably she’s currently somehow travelling between school and to and from your home and her other home ? So what’s the issue with continuing to do so other than the journeys are split in a different way (just shorter on home side)?

I suspect if this were within the relms of possible or desired the op would have already done so.
He likely doesn't want or can't have the privilege of 50/50 but still wants to call unreasonable shots to control his exs life, being the non resident caters to his victim mentality.

Honestly, a 40 min bus journey won't hurt her. At that age I did a 90 min train journey (several changes, lots of waiting around and cancelled trains extending the journey still further) each way to school every day, so I am struggling to understand the problem, really.

How far is her current school from where you/her mum lives? How does she get to you currently? She is doing the right thing in my opinion, especially if all her friends are going to what sounds like her local catchment area school. Can you meet her somewhere central and then take a taxi to and from the central point on access days?

I agree with all of this.

Couldn't you learn to drive? Or move closer?
Why is this all about you. Surely she could come on the Friday evening till Sunday evening and make it easier?

Why? That doesn't sound like it would be in the daughter's best interests at all.

Go back to court and get 50/50 and force a more central school location.

Yes exactly.The concept of friendship IS very important (as many PPs have said)

What is less important is existing primary friends - which the OP brought into the conversation to defend their choice of school!

Primary friendships will have less significance in secondary. It's the new, local friendships that will matter at the new, local secondary.

The other thing you may want to bear in mind, OP, is that even if your ex hasn't discussed the school applications with you as much as you might like, she probably has discussed it quite a lot with your daughter.

I don't know whether, as a non resident parent with PR, you can go over your ex's head and just apply to the schools you would like your daughter to go to if you get in there first. But if you can do that, and you do, imagine how your daughter is likely to react to finding out that the choices she and her mum were making together have been taken out of their hands by her dad.

Do you think that is likely to improve your relationship with her, or make it worse?

Seriously… what is the best school choice for your DD. What are the likelihood of her getting a place in your preferred location over your Ex’s preferred location. As your daughter is getting older she will require more independence etc and will naturally be more focused on her peers. It makes sense for her to go to a school local to where she lives.
You think the top priority in school choice is your relationship with the child. It’s a lot more complicated than that. Once kids start puberty and become teenagers they start distancing themselves from their parents and put greater emphasis on their peer group. It’s a natural part of their development. It’s difficult being a teenager moving between two homes plus being a typical teenager. Have you considered how your DD’s needs are changing and will the status quo work for much longer? What can you do to make it work?

As for parental alienation. I know all about it and how it’s often weaponised by abusive or incompetent parents against the other parent in court situations.

If you really cannot agree make a court application - Child Arrangements Order C100 form - and tick for a Specific Issues Order with respect to making a decision where your child should attend school.

It doesn't matter the sex of the OP, whether they're a mum or a dad. No judge is ever going to say that it is unreasonable for the parent who has residency to apply to the nearest secondary school.

The sex of the OP doesn't change the fact that you can't make two applications for one child.

@lonerdottierebel you would need some kind of actual reasonable grounds to object to the school your ex is putting as first preference. Such as it being in special measures with consistently dire results, and knowing that your DD would likely be able to get a place at a better school. Even then, schools in special measures are allocated pupils each year, so I doubt even that would fly.

Primary friends often melt away at secondary even if they go to the same school.
Living near to new friends from secondary is what is more important.