How can I get over my disappointment?

@swimona DD will decide what she does after GCSEs and for Uni etc but at 10 yrs old they just aren't equipped to make that decision.

+1
You know better than a 10 yr old

If you can drive them there and back. Even better. You get to talk to them.

Don't send them anywhere they can't travel back from alone.

Send them to the best school. Ignore where friends are going. They often ditch them at school anyway.

Ah my apologies I realise I read your "1 bus 30 minute journey" as "1 hour 30 minute journey". I'm glad we agree that this would be too far :)

@redskytonights no my daughter's journey is 30 mins.
I used to travel 1 hour to secondary when I was her age. I've never said it was a 90 min journey because I agree that would be too far.

But your daughter could equally meet friends (and what if they don't get the same bus?) and decompress in other ways that don't involve the bus journey. It's hardy a benefit of having a bus ride.

I agree 20 minute journey (plus time both ends) isn't too bad - you said your daughter's journey was 90 minutes which seems a very long way unless there is a really specific reason for preferring a school.

I wouldn't be letting an 11 year old choose. You need to make the best decision for her.

As a parent you make the decision where they go to school not a 10/11 year old and if you believe that the school a 20 min bus ride away is better for them then you tel them they’re going. 20 mins is nothing by the way

I visited 2 of our local state secondaries and they were both run down. Unless you are looking at private as your alternative.

280 isn't not a large intake. DC1 school is over 300 and I don't believe it's called large.

Most schools are drab and rundown. Have a look at things such as results, parental views etc because that's more important than aesthetics. And a 20 minute journey isn't that bad honestly. That's how long DD spends on the train to school. Have a look at that school's admissions criteria to see if you've got a chance and then have a look round to visit. He might change his mind.

@redskytonights actually for DD it is a chance to catch up with friends and de-compress after a full day of school. I chose the best school for her, the nearest is dire. Most schools finish so early ie between 2.45-3.30 that an extra 20 min journey really doesn't see them get home that late.

For the same reason that adults don't like to commute to work (and wfh is now so popular)?

Travelling is dead time - it could be spent doing something else. It's tiring, which tires you out for other activities. In the case of schools it may prevent you doing after school activities (limited by bus) and is likely to mean that friends live a distance away so you can't just pop over and see them.

20 minutes bus journey means additional time getting too and from the bus stop, and waiting around for the bus. Unless it's a very frequent service you have to leave plenty of time.

Yes, it's not ridiculous for the right school. But if local school is good, why make your child travel (and I sincerely hope your DD's school is either unique in meeting a requirement of hers, or you live so rurally that any school is a trek).

We're in a similar position. Only one in catchment, hugely oversubscribed (they had almost 500 applications for 210 places last year). If we don't get in, the nearest is miles away. DS will be homeschooled.

Definitely go and see the other school for comparison. We did our 2 potential schools open evening plus a visit to each during the school day. In the end we went for the local one where DS’s friends were going (which was the slightly less academic option and a bit more run down). He’s now yr 7 and really happy there. It’s also 280 students intake. The visits during the day were both just us and one other family so we could ask lots of questions and really get a good feel for the school. We asked about mobile phone policy, sports, bullying policy, streaming specifics etc.

I was really impressed with how DS’s school help them settle into year 7 and he loved the induction days. Also the primary will probably really gear them up for the change. I was so worried about the decision and how my sensitive ds would handle the change but he was so excited and happy by the time it came around.

After the first couple of weeks I didn't end up hanging out with many of my primary school buddies at secondary, I (and they) soon made new friends. There is no way you should be basing your decision of where to send your child based on what their friends are doing. Choose the right school for your child, don't just follow the crowd!

You can't let a 10 year old decide on their future schooling! There are more important considerations than who you're friends with. Those friendships often fizzle out quickly in Yr 7, especially as most schools split up ones from the same primary.

See if you can visit on an ordinary day to get a better feel for a school. If you were unimpressed on Open Evening when schools are usually putting their best face on and telling you all the positives, I think you're right to be disappointed.
Your child will be there for 5 or 7 years of the most important years of their education so it's worth looking more widely and asking lots of questions.

I also don't understand why so many posters on MM are set against their DC travelling to get to a school. Seems to be a frequent call that closest = best. 20 min bus ride is nothing. I used to catch 2 buses for a 1 hour journey to secondary and DD has a 1 bus 30 min journey.

I feel for you. I remember visiting our local secondary a year ago and I absolutely hated it. The buildings were drab and run down - I felt I’d walked into a 1990s time warp. I watched a teacher deliver her lesson at top volume, as if shouting was the only way to head off any disruption. One of the newer and less drab buildings had signs all over the toilet doors saying they are locked all day - apart from break and lunchtimes - due to vandalism. It was really fucking depressing.

It’s worth looking at schools further afield. I know it’s never a guarantee that you’ll get a place, but lots of families round my way have very much voted with their feet and sent their children elsewhere.

I would definitely explore the other schools in the area. Just because it’s your catchment school, it still doesn’t mean you’ll get a place. Kids were not even getting into their 2nd or 3rd choices in my area last year.

It’s not just about what it looks like though. What are the opportunities like there? Do the students look happy? What is the pastoral care like? If all his friends are going there presumably some of them will have older siblings there, can you talk to parents who already have children at that school?

Don't let your kid decide. They're far too young to make decisions of that enormity.

Your child should have input but I don't believe they should have the final say. They are not capable of reasoning what is best for them, usually they say they want to be where their friends go. They don't take into account cohort ability of the school (you can find this under Prior Attainment,) GCSE results, range of extra curricular activities, number of GCSEs some schools only do 8, variety of subjects at GCSE, pastoral support, SEN provision etc.

I would visit the other school and make a list of pros and cons for both schools. As one is a bus ride away you need to consider cost, bad weather, what the alternative is if the bus doesn't turn up? After school clubs and getting home.

If at any stage you want to move schools once they are in then year 9 is the absolute latest. My DC's school starts some GCSE content in the last term of year 9 for either content heavy subjects such as History or Geography or if the year group/classes in it are moving at a good pace they just move on which for my son was maths and science.