Feeling Disheartened With Private School Visits: Very Unpersonalised & Felt Like Cattle Markets

None of what you’ve written relates to what I’ve said. Yes, schools want lots of applicants and to select the best. It doesn’t follow that they roll out the red carpet for 1000+ prospective parents or that the head can give 1000+ individual tours- this is what OP has found and it’s also the experience of those of us who actually have kids at these schools.

The school doesn’t have time to “woo” 1000+ potential applicants for 100 places, as OP has found. Getting cross about it is pointless. Getting cross because you aren’t being given a feel-good consumer experience is doubly so- if you want a feel-good consumer experience, spend the money on that instead.

Private education in London is a seller’s market 🤷‍♀️

@Peaceandquietfinally not all of us have good state schools within the area.

Private schools are running a business..the more interest the less effort they have to make!! I personally would rather find a decent state school.

>You’re paying for the education not for a lot of flummery.

@Sleepo, tell me that Eton and other famous private schools are not also about flummery. It is all about status and privilege. Also grammar schools are as many of them don't have even decent teaching and pastoral care . Yet thousands thoughtlessly and god only knows why apply . Probably to condition kids into competitive rat race from the beginning.

>They don’t need to waste their fee income massaging parents’ egos.

You sound like you had no awareness that each of those schools employ marketing manager who works hard on affiliate marketing and sponsored articles of the league tables. Yes, it is all part of a ploy. Yes they massage parents and are selective. They are famous for snapping prodigy kids as they surely will vet to Oxbridge. The local school offers for top kids in year 5 state schools a free Saturday program. All with the purpose of finding out who is worth investing in.
Don't be gullible. It is all big business.

"we are huge state school supporters" = "we can contemplate the thought of our child attending an exceptional state school without becoming physically ill"

We’re outside London but the open days we did generally included a talk by the Head, a tour with a pupil during which we met lots of subject teachers and saw the facilities. The pupils varied in their knowledge but you could ask to be paired with someone with experience relevant to you (eg a music scholar) if that was going to be useful.

Given the scale of the open days, I hope you still got to meet teachers and pupils at the schools? It’s not clear from your post. Did you get any feel for them at all?

@ThingsWillWorkOut - it was Christ's. A few years ago though.

You’re paying for the education not for a lot of flummery. Going into it as if it’s a first class flight or a suite at the Ritz is completely the wrong approach- if that’s the experience you want, you’d do much better to spend your money on those things.

Of course there are schools that spend the fees on stuff to make parents feel good rather than on the kids. They tend not to be the ones that are over-subscribed though. Popular London independent schools have many times more applicants than places. They don’t need to waste their fee income massaging parents’ egos. Getting cross because you didn’t get special treatment for being rich is the height of entitlement.

Which state school in SW London has self guided tour? Always there is a kid tour or a school worker tour from my knowledge

@Sleepo
e of the posts on this thread are good examples of why people call private school parents entitled. There seems to be an attitude of “I’ve got £25k and therefore I deserve special treatment”- from OP complaining about not being “wooed”, people expecting individual tours from the head etc etc.

I really don't understand you. If it was about state schools I would but private😮?p
Of course that private school is a business and of course people pay to get a good service during the tour. When you buy first class flight you also don't have expectations and you should not be " entitled" to what is included?.We are talking about private schools. For the rich people. in capitalism. Money talks bulshit walks

Just book to go and see some of the big name boarding schools if you want an incredible tour experience. Goody bags, breakfast and lunch, follow-up hand written postcards etc!

DH was rather keen to attend one of those himself after the open day! He'd never seen a boarding school before and was shocked at how nice it was.

They made staff attend one of the lunches at one and chat us all up - I remember a poor history master telling me he felt like a used car salesman!

Ultimately we opted for state as found a school that was far and away the better fit for DD on every measure - no wooden panelling or sweeping lawns but National Trust membership worked out a bit cheaper!

I did a huge number of state open days and found a wide range of experiences in terms of what was on offer and how the staff made me feel there too. It was probably the most useful tool in terms of making choices.

I'm surprised at the self guiding tours. We looked at almost (what felt like) every bloody school in south West London, state and private, and I can only think of one private and one state that had self guided tours- both Co-Ed.

This.

Last year when DD was in year 7, she and her friends were excited by the idea of showing their school. This year, there is absolutely no enthusiasm and quite some moaning about waking up early on a Saturday.

The parents sometime ask ridiculously hard questions about school policies that are impossible for the children to answer. DD and her friend (another year 8) for example were repeatedly asked about A level subject choices and related areas by one parent even after they told him (twice) they were both in year 8.

When doing the tours few years back myself, I was sometime shocked by how entitled some of the visiting parents sounded and consciously didn't apply to one school to avoid parents like that (complete overreaction, I know l, but was really appalled at the time).

You think head teachers should do 1000+ individual tours a year? Even if they did nothing but tours and didn’t actually run the school at all, there wouldn’t be time.

Some of the posts on this thread are good examples of why people call private school parents entitled. There seems to be an attitude of “I’ve got £25k and therefore I deserve special treatment”- from OP complaining about not being “wooed”, people expecting individual tours from the head etc etc. It’s much better just to approach it from the view of whether the school’s a good fit for your child rather than getting cross because they haven’t rolled out the red carpet for you.

Is this an oversubscribed state school in London? Is so, the head must have better way to spend the time.

Often the more popular schools don't have to pull out all the stops for open days because they can fill their places several times over.

That doesn't mean they won't provide an individual experience and support for your child once they're at the school, it's more that they choose to focus their energies on their pupils.

Yes it is a bit off OP. But I think I'd assume that open days are not worth the school investing in due to the number of applicants.

I was at my DCs open day a couple of weeks ago. There were over 2000 families visiting apparently and it wasn't the only open day. It would be impossible for the head to do all the tours- they'd never be able to work. If you get an offer you do then get a small group tour with the head.
The head was also available to talk to after the tours and the talks, along with parents volunteers, admissions , SEN staff etc.

Is this an oversubscribed state school in London? Is so, the head must have better way to spend the time.

The state school I work at offers individual family tours by the head as it's less intimidating to ask a question when it's just your family rather than a bunch of strangers.

I would have thought this would be standard practice if you're paying £25k.

Neither of my children particularly like doing tours- some prospective parents can be really rude and ask ridiculous questions that are impossible for them to answer! But it can make a difference to your view of a school unfortunately although it shouldn't really.

I looked round many of the 'big name' London schools and none of the boys or girls who we came across were remotely arrogant or entitled but some of the other parents looking around most definitely were and did put me off more than one school.. Some of those touring were outgoing, some really were terrified and hardly spoke- there will be all types in a school. ideally you'd tour a school more than once but thats getting harder i think due to sheer numbers.

On the GCSEs- one of my DCs did 9 and the other will do 10. Nothing to do with where the school want to be in the League Tables, just an acknowledgement that it really isn't necessary to do 10. Meant there was time to do other things like community work, bespoke courses etc.

I'm more of a humble and humility type person and just worry that these schools breed arrogance and superiority in their students which are traits I really dislike in a person.

That's difficult to assess on an open day where it's a question of herding round numbers and you'll maybe meet a small number of pupils on which to base it.

I chose our school as I thought the boys were modest and aware of their privilege but you won't necessarily get an accurate impression from an open day which is a (much as I hate this word) curated snapshot. I exclude Habs where the old headmaster opened his speech with "Let me tell you why we're the top school in the country". A brave start...

I watch a lot of school sports matches and the more arrogant pupils (and parents) aren't necessarily at the highest profile schools. At the risk of causing offence, we've seen some truly awful behaviour from UCS and Reid's parents and pupils (in rugby which may attract a higher proportion) and found Harrow, Eton and Charterhouse the opposite.

(I'm surprised about the GCSEs, our local selective private schools do 10).

@PreplexJ agree, the boys and coed schools seem do 10+ GCSE whilst some schools do 9 just to get higher ranks. The need for 10+ GCSEs for some US universities don’t need SATs/ACT scores…UCLA, Harvard, Berkeley, Princeton,Yale. They need to see what you have at GCSEs, due to offers made before A levels results.
@TypsTrycks agree to your informative comments.

I like to look at email techniques to judge prospective schools. I researched/corresponded with more than a dozen schools before finalising my shortlist (London and outer London, so quite a few options) and the approach to open days, registration, etc are so vastly different!

Some are absolutely chaotic with no information on the open days ("look at the website and register there") and some actively send you information and keep in touch even when there are thousands of prospective parents interested. Some send me newsletters after the open day with regular updates, or personal emails asking how I felt, while others just ignore you, even after making an offer. I found observing these techniques hugely valuable in comparison with the actual open day itself.

I agree on the recent downward trends for the average number of GCSE subjects taken, especially for private schools.

People who interested in reading the percentage of GCSE grades achieve, should notice some very "top" independent schools has gradually relax the requirement on 10 GCSEs, while some other schools still stick to minimum 10. I do think some of the motivation are league table comparison driven, focus less subjects (say 9 or 8) for some students can surely provide with a better chance to boost the school exam result from statistics point of view.

Arrogance/humility is instilled at home. Some kids at a super selective school look down on those who didn't make the cut, and don't think they need to make any further effort. Others worked very hard to earn their place, and they continue to work hard to make the most of the opportunity. Same with very expensive schools - some believe they're intrinsically better than other people for being able to afford it, others are grateful for the opportunity.

Don't forget - Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy both went to the same school.... 😉😉