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Daughter got out of school

114 replies

Mumlou13 · 22/09/2023 15:58

My daughter has also walked out of school today and the school didn't even know until I phoned them, as she had rang me to pick her up. She has autism and is in secondary school. She had walked about 15 mins away from school before she rang me upset and scared. The school still haven't rang me back to discuss this I have been waiting all day, does anyone have the best advice on how I can deal with this as a massive complaint so that they know the seriousness of it because obviously they aren't bothered

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 19:35

@swashbucklecheer schools in my hometown and in-laws home town are the same. Fences and gates.
That's small town Oxfordshire and Northamptonshire.
I didn't know that random people who might want to hurt children was exclusive to London.

Regulus · 22/09/2023 19:33

@Needmorelego our local primary only had completely closed perimeter about 6 years ago.

The secondaries I know, both state and private are completely accessible and one has a footpath through the school

swashbucklecheer · 22/09/2023 19:33

We are not in London. We wouldn't have the problems that London has.

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 19:32

@swashbucklecheer what do you mean by "part of the community" though? Surely any old random isn't allowed on site during the school day without permission and a reason.

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 19:31

@swashbucklecheer I am actually surprised because every school - primary and secondary -I see (and I am London so lots) has a fence around it and gates to be buzzed in and out of the grounds.
I mean some of the fences are pretty easy to climb over but I haven't seen a school that doesn't have a fence and locked gate for at least 15 years if not more.

swashbucklecheer · 22/09/2023 19:25

It is what it is, unless the government wants to cough up funding for security gates. Mind you our school is very much part of the community and the emphasis is not on keeping people outside the grounds.

allhellcantstopusnow · 22/09/2023 19:24

EdithStourton · 22/09/2023 18:31

Secondary schools should not be like prisons.

In what way? How children are kept in or how they're treated when they're there? Because both of those things are questionable at the minute.

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 19:20

@swashbucklecheer that's quite worrying because it means anyone could just wander into the school.

seven201 · 22/09/2023 19:19

The secondary school I work in it is very easy to escape. However, if you think your child is at risk of doing it again you can request she has a risk assessment. We have a list of a student names that we have to alert the safeguarding team about if they don't turn up within the first 5 mins of lessons etc, can't allow out to use the toilet without calling an adult to take them etc.

swashbucklecheer · 22/09/2023 19:17

Not all schools have closed gates.

Regulus · 22/09/2023 19:16

I forget the schools that think they are prisons.

Our secondary schools (rural) have no perimeter fence, limited cctv of the perimeter.

Without an 1:1 echp there is nothing we can do to contain a child.

Nonplusultra · 22/09/2023 19:10

Instead of calling, I’d email and request a meeting.

It’s absolutely great that your dd was able to ring you. That’s a positive thing in this whole situation. And I would emphasise with her that that was a good decision.

She probably needs some safer options for bolting off. What you don’t want is for her to feel afraid to ring you for help if she has a panic attack, comes to her senses in a strange place and doesn’t know what to do.

And for that reason, I wouldn’t go guns blazing at the school. They need to work with her needs, not come down on her like a ton of bricks.

Talk to them about creating a safe place for her to bolt to if she needs a break.

Branleuse · 22/09/2023 19:10

You're going to write a letter of complaint because your kid bunked off school??

BCCoach · 22/09/2023 19:06

Our secondary would have no idea if a student walked out. It's a completely open site with multiple buildings and public footpaths across school grounds. Register is only taken twice a day. So if you walk out after afternoon register no-one would even notice.

ACertainKindOfLight · 22/09/2023 18:59

I doubt very much she just merely ambled out of school to bunk off.
My son suffered with awful panic attacks at school triggering his fight or flight response, he came out of school several times.
He is home educated now and so much happier.

Wouldyouguess · 22/09/2023 18:59

swashbucklecheer · 22/09/2023 17:09

The problem here is your daughter left school without permission.

15min is not long when you are teaching a class to find someone isn't where they are supposed to be, to check if anyone else has kept her behind to talk about something or that she hasn't gone to the toilet. To then send out search parties to said toilets to try to find her all while doing the actual job of teaching the students in front of you.

Perhaps less of a "massive complaint " and more of a "massive telling off" for your dd.

But the child should not be able to leave school via closed gates and someone sitting in the office just like that.

LetMeEnfoldYou · 22/09/2023 18:58

My autistic daughter walked out of school earlier this year, got a bus to a different town, and walked around hoping she would die if she just didn't eat and stayed out in the cold.

The school didn't notice and didn't inform us, although she is obviously vulnerable.

I put a complaint in to the education board but it's been 🤷🏻‍♀️ all round to be honest.

I don't know what the answer is here if they're in mainstream school, but you have my sympathy.

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 18:58

@NeverDropYourMooncup I meant "not truancy" as in she was being "naughty", doing it for a laugh and needs to be punished for it - but probably more of some type of can't cope panic.
Most of the secondary schools I know are surrounded by fences and have gates that you have to be buzzed out of - so it's rare to be able to just "walk out" so I am surprised that many on this thread are saying their local secondary schools aren't like that.

Scrambledchickens · 22/09/2023 18:54

Hope you and your daughter are ok OP,
has your daughter left before without telling staff? She must have been feeling upset to leave. I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing as you really want to work as a team with the staff. My Ds used to run during meltdowns at primary and staff would follow at a distance and call me. I think secondary campus’s might be much harder to police.
You need to come up with a safe space that she can go during the school day if she needs time out, also if she has a phone would she call/ text you if she was overwhelmed? Secondary school is a huge change with a lot of new demands and stresses so it might be worth trying to find out exactly what happened today to make her feel like leaving and see if you can improve things for her.
if you are on Facebook have a look at the not fine in school group, there is loads of parents in similar situations x

SuperSue77 · 22/09/2023 18:54

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That is so offensive

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/09/2023 18:49

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 17:13

Yet more people who don't understand autism and that an autistic child walking out of school isn't necessarily "bunking off".
Sigh.

It's still truancy.

Thinking of the children we've had on Safety Plans where the instant they aren't in class, somebody is notified for an urgent search that mustn't stop until they have been found or you're pretty sure they're not on site, you've then got to cover;

Medical.

Main building, three floors, three sets of stairs, library, four sets of toilets, four entrances/exits/Learning Support. SENDCO's office. Library. Respite rooms.

Seven labs, three prep areas, staff toilets.

Four Deputy's Rooms, one head of year's office, one counsellor's office.

Dining Hall, toilets, kitchen and delivery area.

Back of PE block, changing rooms. Three gyms and associated storage rooms and cupboards, toilets.

Food Tech, back of food tech. Food tech storage room.

Main Hall, back of hall, behind stage, top of stage.

Art rooms. Prep Room. Store Rooms.

Behind Art Rooms and Prep Room.

Music practice rooms (12). Drama. Music classrooms. Performance space, behind stage, under stage, check all cupboard doors.

Corridor leading to more toilets. The toilets.

DT area. Toilets.

Sixth form, toilets, common room, dining room, classrooms.

Disabled toilets.

English huts. Behind each English hut.

Languages building and toilets.

Computer Rooms.

Behind plant room.

Field 1, Long Jump field, back of field. Rugby pitch.

Tennis courts and astroturf.

Approximately 490 separate trees, bushes and other vegetation.

Front car park, middle car park, top car park. Behind vehicles, between vehicles.

Back of bins.

Back of kitchen bins.

Behind caretaker's shed, storage and office.

Go to IT, find where the technician is at this moment (probably under a desk fixing a computer right now), get them to return to their office and start looking through CCTV of each entrance to see whether they've nipped out when a delivery has arrived. Check the fence line to see whether they've gone over it at some point around the three mile perimeter.

All by a small number of people who should also be dealing with other things because they don't just sit around all day waiting for one kid to not show up in lesson. And add to that the anxiety of checking each area, wondering if this is the day you're going to find a child in need of urgent lifesaving first aid - whilst the suitably motivated kid is often moving to a new location ahead of you because they've heard footsteps or kept lookout and know you're searching for them.

Sending an automatic within 5 minutes' alert just results in parents screaming down the phone about how you're overreacting/frightened them when the kid usually walks into class at the same time as the screaming down the phone line commences - or you're trying to go and look for them but you're stuck on the phone being screamed at, so aren't able to look for them until the parent hangs up.

SaySomethingMan · 22/09/2023 18:44

🤦‍♂️

piefacedClique · 22/09/2023 18:43

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Sugargliderwombat · 22/09/2023 18:42

Schools aren't prisons. They are preparing xhildren for the real world. She needs to learn not to walk out.

Obviously if this is a specialist provision or a 1:1 that changes things.

SaySomethingMan · 22/09/2023 18:35

OP, what a scary situation for your DD and you.
Im really sorry to hear this happened.

Could this be the first sign that the school isn’t able to meet her need? Does she have a TA? Email the SENCO and ask for an urgent call on monday. This points towards failing to safeguard a vulnerable child. Has she done anything like this before? Can she remember why she did it?

The ignorance about autism is outstanding.