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Original poster

Daughter has not made any friends

137 replies

Dizzybelle · 17/09/2023 21:21

My daughter has has had quite a hard first weeks at her new secondary school. She’s been coming home in tears, most days, saying that she has not made any friends and always sits alone at break times and lunch. This is breaking my heart. Most evenings she cries saying she doesn’t want to go to school. She doesn’t want me to contact the school or her form tutor but I think I should. But then again what could they do to help, in this instance? She said that she doesn’t want other people to be forced to be nice to her. She is shy but once she gets to know someone she is out going and fun.

What else can I do? Has anyone been in this situation - do things work out eventually?

OP posts:
Borris · 17/09/2023 21:39

This was my daughter last year. If I'm honest it took her until the 3rd term to properly make some friends but now she is so much happier. I encouraged her to go to lunchtime clubs and that helped both with meeting friends and also just not being on her own at lunchtime. It will get better but it is heartbreaking to watch them struggle

Annaishere · 17/09/2023 21:38

I have some experience of this with my son and apart from when he was really young things only got better when he moved schools. He moved to where his old friends were from primary school, coincided with a house move. Is that an option for you ?

fubared · 17/09/2023 21:38

I'm so sorry you are going through this, but, honestly, it will get better.

I had this with my DD. She was the only one from her primary that went there, missed her old school friends etc. I quickly utilised both her head of year and the head of pastoral care who were absolutely brilliant. After about six months (sounds long, I know, but hang in there) she had completely settled. She is now in sixth form there and absolutely thriving.

Sending lots of hugs to you and your DD Flowers

Dacadactyl · 17/09/2023 21:36

Tell her not to give up and that it's very early days. She won't be the only child feeling like this either. It's a numbers game and the more she puts herself out there the more potential friends she will meet.

Just keep telling her that she will get there and to keep persevering.

Original poster
Dizzybelle · 17/09/2023 21:35

lljkk · 17/09/2023 21:33

(now yr11) DS got to March of yr 7 with no friends. Well, maybe one lad for a day who came round, once. But as good as no friends, no gang, no one to eat lunch with.

Then covid hit & he barely went to school... then they were in 'bubbles' where they only saw the same other 25 kids every day for about a year.

Finally in yr9 he made friends. Hallalulah. Now he tells me his bestie has long been Ben, who lives 15 miles away & we haven't met yet. I think he'd still like more of a steady gang, but things have worked out ok. DS has also made buddies at cadets & via PGo.

So glad it’s worked out for your son.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dizzybelle · 17/09/2023 21:34

Dacadactyl · 17/09/2023 21:28

I take it she's the only one from her primary to have gone to this school?

I'd advise her to sit with different people in each class and start chatting to them one on one. She will be scared of being rejected but it's the only way. She has to put herself out there. If they have a seating plan, in some ways it makes it easier, tell her to slowly start talking to the person week in week out. Tell her to ask them what they're up to this evenjng/weekend. She will learn what her peers are into and she will find someone who likes the same stuff.

My DS has gone to high school this year with a number of kids from his primary, but they're all clubbing together and he's only mentioned 2 new kids he's chatted to. I'm trying to get him to branch out.

It's early days for her, try not to worry. I think an email to the form tutor saying that she's struggling a bit would be in order, just to see if they have any ideas or if they could do some more icebreaker type stuff with them.

Hang on in there, she'll find her people. Just reassure her and build her confidence telling her to talk to people she's sitting next to. Not everyone will bite, but someone surely will.

Also, look into some extracurricular for her to build her confidence.

Thank you. That’s a good idea, I think she’s just fearful of more rejection, but I guess that in its self is a life lesson, sadly

OP posts:
lljkk · 17/09/2023 21:33

(now yr11) DS got to March of yr 7 with no friends. Well, maybe one lad for a day who came round, once. But as good as no friends, no gang, no one to eat lunch with.

Then covid hit & he barely went to school... then they were in 'bubbles' where they only saw the same other 25 kids every day for about a year.

Finally in yr9 he made friends. Hallalulah. Now he tells me his bestie has long been Ben, who lives 15 miles away & we haven't met yet. I think he'd still like more of a steady gang, but things have worked out ok. DS has also made buddies at cadets & via PGo.

Original poster
Dizzybelle · 17/09/2023 21:32

MoreOfThis · 17/09/2023 21:27

Any lunchtime clubs she can go to? And I would contact the school, year 7 head of year, year 7 form teachers and pastoral know this happens a lot and may be able to help her settle.

Are there no children from her primary at the school?

Yes, I think there are clubs starting up in the next few weeks which I will encourage her to sign up to.

There are a few from her primary school, but they were in a different form, and they point blank told her that they didn’t want to be her friends l.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dizzybelle · 17/09/2023 21:31

DustyLee123 · 17/09/2023 21:24

Did she have lots of friends at primary ?

Yes, she did.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 17/09/2023 21:28

I take it she's the only one from her primary to have gone to this school?

I'd advise her to sit with different people in each class and start chatting to them one on one. She will be scared of being rejected but it's the only way. She has to put herself out there. If they have a seating plan, in some ways it makes it easier, tell her to slowly start talking to the person week in week out. Tell her to ask them what they're up to this evenjng/weekend. She will learn what her peers are into and she will find someone who likes the same stuff.

My DS has gone to high school this year with a number of kids from his primary, but they're all clubbing together and he's only mentioned 2 new kids he's chatted to. I'm trying to get him to branch out.

It's early days for her, try not to worry. I think an email to the form tutor saying that she's struggling a bit would be in order, just to see if they have any ideas or if they could do some more icebreaker type stuff with them.

Hang on in there, she'll find her people. Just reassure her and build her confidence telling her to talk to people she's sitting next to. Not everyone will bite, but someone surely will.

Also, look into some extracurricular for her to build her confidence.

MoreOfThis · 17/09/2023 21:27

Any lunchtime clubs she can go to? And I would contact the school, year 7 head of year, year 7 form teachers and pastoral know this happens a lot and may be able to help her settle.

Are there no children from her primary at the school?

DustyLee123 · 17/09/2023 21:24

Did she have lots of friends at primary ?